Refusing to provide details of funeral

Blimey. They don’t want her there. Why would she go and potentially cause upset? She needs to respect the family’s wishes.

Actually i don't know who is who?

That's what I thought too. Leave the partner out of this, he doesn't get to choose above blood relatives, but if her own blood relatives who she lives with aren't giving her the information then it's a different conversation surely? Total riddle.

It seems very vindictive of the DSGM's partner, but if no one in the family will tell her the details, finding them out through some other means and going seems unlikely to be a good idea. Why don't you help her come to terms with her DSGM's passing and pay her respects in some other fashion? Funerals are an accepted way of grieving but they aren't the only or necessary way to mark your love for some one who has passed.

I think its not your business and you cant fix this. Just tell your daughter that youre not surprised that shes feeling hurt, because its shitty behaviour, and its not her fault.
Tell her that you will have your own memorial and light a candle and talk about her and have a little cry, and that her step grandma loved her just as much as she did her, and that lots of people dont go to funerals at all. Its probably best to just drop it and concentrate on being there for your daughter. Shes upset and feels rejected and excluded, but I think if your exs mum has died, then just let him be.

That's what I'm trying to work out, it sounds like a riddle doesn't it?

@TigerandLion surely if she's 16, she still lives with her mum and step dad, who are attending the funeral?

Ok so why won’t her own parent or any of the other family members tell her where it is?

@TigerandLion you’re going to need to explain this properly if you want anything out of this thread.

So why won't her mum/dad share the details? Not being goady, genuinely asking. And also (edited to add this) surely the views of her natural parent trump those of the new partner. This is sounding more and more twisted.

I’m struggling to understand the interrelationships here but as a PP flagged, presumably one of the people refusing to provide the funeral details is one of your step-daughter’s natural parents. How can that person be comfortable with excluding their own daughter from the funeral of their step-mother/her step-grandmother? It makes no sense and seems incredibly cruel. Or is the partner excluding everyone who’s not a blood relative? If so, he sounds like a pretty nasty piece of work. And as a PP said, he is also not a blood relative. So it makes no sense.

I'd it likely to be a church service and graveyard burial? If so see iv you can get a parish newsletter.

Can a non family member ",innocently" ask after step grandma?

Is there any reason you know of why the whole family (including adult biological children) are submitting to her boyfriend of relatively short standing's wishes when it comes to this funeral? He almost certainly has no legal right to be making these decisions, and certainly no social right.

She probably shouldn't go

That's what I was wondering too. Child's wishes come above grandchild's, particularly if they have behaved badly in the past. No answer yet though...

Does her step-parent want her to go?

If you look at it neutrally is the partner keeping her away for understandable reasons?

FIL's godson and great nephew was prevented from going to his funeral. He was very upset about it but he'd caused great offence to people much much closer to FIL and they understandably came first. Is the partner simply putting the dead GP's child first?

Call the cemetery. X

Not sure why people are talking about a cremation when the OP said it was a funeral? Two very different things.

If it's a cremation, crematoria also sometimes post those details online.

If it's likely to be a cremation, just call the crematorium. Ask them for the details as you would like to send flowers.

This is really weird. To have one or two people acting the fool is one thing but a whole family colluding to exclude someone often indicated a complicated back story imo.
In any case, I think I’d be encouraging stepdaughter to opt for her own plan to honour her step grandmother (?) rather than forcing her way into a funeral where it seems no one will welcome her or even be remotely pleased to see her.

Do you really think it’s a good idea for her to go in these circumstances?

Surely at best they will ignore her, at worst they will ask her to leave or physically eject her. Neither sounds like something her gran would want happening at the funeral or a nice respectful send off. It’d be like a scene from Eastenders.

Does she actually just want to prove a point?