Work 4 day week impossible as a Mum

I have occasionally worked my non working day to accommodate meetings and my employer paid for the extra day at nursery.

however I am also finding 4 days hard - having to frequently work in the evening

My company is a lot more respectful so I don't really have issues.
But when I initially discussed it with my manager he did comment that some days would be more difficult to accommodate than others.
Fridays were best, then Mondays, middle of the week would have been harder to make it work (I picked Fridays ).

The other thing is that if you are doing extra hours to accommodate your workload anyway, you could ask for condensed hours in addition to your part time so at least you get paid for it. If you do 90% that's an extra hour a day, 100% is about 2h.

In rare situations where I've had to work on my day off, I either got paid or got time in lieu that week. Usually my husband has taken the day off rather than us paying for nursery, it was a good opportunity for them to have 1-1 time.

I wouldn't entertain travelling on my own time until 11pm, I would leave earlier or stay an extra night.

I feel for you. I also do 4 days, it's a joke. Although not as bad as it sounds for you. I've done p/t work before though & that was fine & absolutely respected by managers so i think it is dependent on job & management whether it works. I'm looking for something else. Good luck.

What is the reason you cannot get your work done in 4 days?
A) job is too big for anyone to do in 4 days (i.e., it's a full-time role)
B) you have too many distractions when wfh so can't get job done (were you originally office based before mat leave?)
C) the manager just keeps adding bits for you to do that are outwith your job description
Depending on cause, you need to;
A) leave and find a less densely-packed job that can be done in 4 wfh days
B) you go back to the office more days where fewer distractions exist
C) you have a word with your manager, or HR, with your j.d, go through each aspect, then point out the extra stuff being dumped on you

Are you a single parent and if not, what u
is your partner doing?

I will provide a different view which is based on my own specific position.

id love to work 4 days a week but i know its not workable with my role nor with my ambitions so I haven’t bothered with it (nor would i be allowed it).

what type of role do you have/ does your boss have? If you are fairly senior and/ or have ambitions of progressing you need to suck it up. If you earn a low salary and/ or aren’t senior then the situation seems unreasonable.

to me your boss seems to be giving you a helpful tip on how to handle things but I’d expect that advice from a senior manager / someone who is heading a business or function and earning accordingly

Sadly, also in the same situation. Women, and most especially mums, are set up to fail. 4 days a week (which was an increase from 3 to meet the demands of workload) means I feel like I’m doing a shit job at work so put in extra hours, which then means I feel like I’m doing a shit job at home. And don’t get me started on the holidays where childcare drops off a cliff but being part time means entitled to less annual leave so the gap is even wider. Struggled through a month with not even 50% of the childcare I needed, and paid £1500 for the privilege. I actually have a good employer in general but because I’m a good employee, if the work isn’t done, I will put in the hours to do it. I also feel like I need to, to prove I’m worth it and not about to be replaced by a full time, non-remote working alternative. Shit show. I feel for you OP.

Just sympathy

I would LOVE a 3 or 4 day working week but I know it’s a trap for all the reasons and more you outlined in your OP.
My experience has been that in jobs that are roles not a function (ie you manage a specific client vs you are 1 of 50 doing a repeatable task) part time just does not work 90%+ of the time and it is just crap.

my job is well paid so I just suck it up knowing that the money I am saving means I can go PT when the kids are bigger but I would love a 3 day pw gig on my current salary

Stop working in the evenings for free.
It's unlikely they'll fire you as they need to have a proper reason, but as another PP suggested you should see if you can join a union. And it's likely you'd get another job if they did fire you.

I am unclear why they can insist you work on your day off and can’t take TOIL? I would refuse. With the overnight you will be working a six day week for four. Your manager sounds like a dick. I could not work somewhere like that with kids. I left the first job I did with a baby because of an unreasonable manager. YANBU.

My manager was like yours, so I really feel for you.

She made my return after mat leave completely unbearable tbh and it really affected my mental health. Within 3 weeks of returning, she expected me to be leading projects again like I had never been away and wasn’t understanding of doing 4 days.

My manager is now on maternity leave herself, so will be interested to see how she gets on tbh.

No advice but just to say it’s really common.

What about your baby's father? How is his working week affected?

@C152
”It's fair enough to highlight that perhaps the manager is coming at it from an out-dated mindset based on her own experience. I'm also sorry you and your colleagues worked for equally dreadful companies. But it's not a race to the bottom. Shouldn't we want the generation after us to have better opportunities and not have to fight so bloody hard?”

Well put. I do think her manager is old fashioned and probably harder on OP than a male manager would be. I agree it’s not a race to the bottom and OP shouldn’t think it is just the way things should be. Unfortunately, being pregnant she has to make the best of it for now.

You need to find somewhere else to work, or establish your boundaries and stick to these firmly.

I worked in a toxic environment, and in the end saved up so I could eventually leave without having anything else to go to, and take a career break, before finding a new employer who is actually genuinely understanding and supportive of all their employees, regardless what challenges they face.

I was also reluctant to go full time, even though a lot of my fellow mum friends said it would be better. The role I wanted was full time. I’m so glad I did it. Previously I was part time, but I ended up working more hours than I am now in a full time role, because I was trying to shoehorn in full time work to reduced working hours and around family, and I nearly burned out. The pace is completely different when you’re full time and a good employer is respectful of your time and is flexible to accommodate things that go on outside of your job. When you’re stuck in a toxic job/with a bad manager it feels like you’re never going to escape it, or it’s not really that bad, or the grass isn’t always greener. But things are better if you can escape and find a better working environment!

The job is taking the piss. Look for another. I've worked a 4 day week for 20 years and never done this. I never work any extra hours, never have.

You have a shit employer. I work 4 days and have none of this. I don’t do a single minute on my non working day or weekends and there is no requirement to “be flexible”

Vote with your feet.

Full-time job with part-time pay.
They do sometimes treat men like that too but men usually have a female to take care of the child.

It's fair enough to highlight that perhaps the manager is coming at it from an out-dated mindset based on her own experience. I'm also sorry you and your colleagues worked for equally dreadful companies. But it's not a race to the bottom. Shouldn't we want the generation after us to have better opportunities and not have to fight so bloody hard? I heard an interesting comment today about the 'fences' employers/society put up to keep the undesirables (in this case, women) out. Until eventually the undesirables shout so loudly that the powers that be give them a ladder and tell them to use that to get over the fence...but then in addition to facing multiple fences, the undesirable has to carry this great big ladder around with them, trying to balance it on uneven ground and risk having it kicked out from under them at any point in time. When if employers actually wanted change, they'd just remove the fences.

Making it this difficult for mothers to work is an uncessary fence.

OP, they do have you over a bit of a barrel, but it's not unheard of to be recruited for another role whilst your pregnant. It sounds like this is a company culture problem rather than just a single line manager problem. If that's the case, it's never going to improve and the only thing you can do is look for another job and hang in as best you can.

Contact

pregnantthenscrewed.com/

You’re in the wrong job. I work four days a week and I have two children. I love it and it’s the perfect balance. Yes it’s stressful and sometimes I feel guilty I don’t see the kids enough, but it’s perfect for me and I never feel like I have to log on in the evening. Find a flexible workplace that can offer you genuine part time hours, easier said than done I know but they are out there.

My experience is this is always the way in many roles for working 4 days, it’s not part time. I had to view it as a means to end to have the non-working day and for a long time having that day was worth it. But once DC were at school and it took over more I went back full time simply for my sanity, to get paid for it and overall it has been a much better balance than attempting to have a non-working day

I'd also look for another job. This won't get better in this company, I doubt.

I work four days. But 0.9WTE. I probably do full time hours, but I take a 10% pay cut to keep a ring fenced day off. They never ask me to move it. I offer sometimes, but in nearly three years they have never asked me to do so. 1.00WTE in four days wouldn't be approved where I work these days, and I didn't want 0.8WTE as I knew I'd be working more than that hours wise to get the job done (it's a good job that I really wanted).

YANBU. They are definitely taking the piss.

Do you have a DH/DP? Could they take a days annual leave on the Tuesday to look after DC and then you swap your non-working day that week and have a day to yourself to re-charge?

I’m sorry you are going through this op. Your company culture sounds toxic and your manager is not doing their job properly in respecting your contracted hours and non working day. I’d echo other posters that you should look for a new position in a company which respects work life balance.