Aspirational/admirable in middle age

A woman I admire greatly is now in her 70s. I've known her a long while, since her 50s, and she's always been absolutely inspiring in so many ways.

She's was an architect, and did very very well for herself. So eloquent and well read, grasped life with both hands and took it for all it was worth. Brilliant relationships with her adult children. Lots of friends, is the life of a party whilst remaining quietly spoken and not at all egregious. The people she's met and the stories she has to tell!

She's gorgeous. Aged gracefully without a speck of "work". Very fit and graceful, a wonderful style. She's still out riding horses and she introduced DH and I to fencing. Incredible woman.

I'm amazed you spend time on mumsnet!

🔥👍🏻👌🏻🥰

Financially astute with a plan for retirement
Some good solid friends/family you can trust, be yourself with, and who would be there for you no matter what
A hobby, interest or job which just makes your heart happy
Ticked off some of the bucket list items you put on it a few years ago, and added some new ones
Some outfits in your wardrobe that make you feel bloody marvellous
Things in your home that bring you joy when you see them

I re-trained as a web developer. That was two years ago and after some hiccups along the way (ie doing other jobs) I've got a job on the design side as opposed to building, which I enjoy much more. It's more creative, but knowing the technical side of things helps.

I am not sure that I would recommend anyone to move into tech at the moment, the job market is brutal.

However, I would say that if you want to leave teaching that you should go for it. Sometimes you just have to take a leap into the unknown.

What was your new career, AltReality?

Being bold and making significant life changes if you unhappy with the status quo.

I quit teaching, retrained and started a new career at 55. Not looked back since.

I think aging comfortably is aspirational. Looking after oneself from a health perspective bit not getting hung up on the aesthetics of being older.

I love this thread, 52 here and enjoying this stage

I need to focus on fitness too. I'm making that my 2025 goal! I'm contemplating joining a gym for the first time in my life!

I love this thread & I think you all sound utterly fantastic!!

I don't think there's any judgement, just people answering the question honestly.

Hmm, I wouldn’t judge someone who was hit hard by the menopause, slowed down and lived a quietly content life, there by the grace of god and all that.

I’m at the slowing down career stage, C suite, PhD. At 57 I want a bit more time for me, I’ve been slogging it out for decades and don’t want to look back and wish I’d done more than be a successful professional. I’m currently looking for a new position, ideally what I do now in a smaller organisation 3 or 4 days a week. I want to build up my hobbies (which have taken a hit in the last few years) before I think about downsizing and retirement.

Mid-50s and been doing a rather panicky life audit on myself over the last two or so years following a series of personal catastrophes.

My career had taken a massive hit because of kids and useless DH, so I've overhauled that, set goals, gone back to postgrad study and clarified in my own mind where all of this is going. I've taken a cold, hard look at my finances, which are in dire shape, but again, I've got a plan. I've stopped regarding myself as a disembodied mind and started having a bit more respect for my body, eating better, exercising, joined a gym, lost 3 stone in 2 years but need to lose more, sorting out longstanding health issues. Backbone to all of this has been regular sessions with a psychotherapist, picking apart childhood issues, relationship issues, parenting of my own children issues, career/money issues, and just generally moving on from shoddy habits and into the life I'd actually like to be living. Had a lot of good advice on here too.

Not sure if that answers your question and I'm still very much a work-in-progress but I guess to sum up I think middle-aged women should be looking onward and outward, not congratulating themselves (or feeling sorry for themselves) and slowing down.

I so agree @Isthisjustnormal

I see so many man become middle aged bores, happy to sink into their 50s without any changes etc.

But they didn't give away a decade of their careers and their freedoms and hobbies in the way we did.

Now I'm firmly in 'fuck it this is for me' mode.

45 - I m in v late stage menopause, almost there (!). I feel I have sailed through it, I am relieved about that, and relieved to have teenagers now and not younger children, my nurturing hormones are dipping. I ve re evaluated unhealthy friendships and disengaged from some, which is liberating.

I m parenting teenage sons - no problems currently, 3 more years and both will be in uni.

Financially stable - phew. I don't adore my career, but it pays the bills, there is no real stress and I WFH, it's currently convenient for my life. Hoping to semi-retire at 50, maybe try something else, or continue what I do on a part time basis. I will decide in due course. I m currently pumping money into a pension fund, as a precaution.

Happily single and dating - still enjoy it, and socialise while dating.

I like my mid life self from an aesthetic point of view, I m content. I can feel the middle area expanding. Next goal is to eat more healthily and exercise more.

I m relaxed and content, no drama. I m on the cusp of being more free to pursue hobbies etc. I just need to identify how I ll spend my time when my children need me even less.

Never compare myself to anyone, and prefer if others don't too.

The women of my age I admire are … 1 self-determined: know what works for them and work to enable it. This includes a friend who is insta famous for their work, and is constantly open to new opportunities, even when they scare her, and one who manages multiple health issues but knows what works for her and makes it happen. 2. Remain curious - don’t stop learning or stagnate, keep an open mind and don’t get jaded. 3. Don’t take themselves seriously, and just retain a lightness of being. So many middle aged people start to solidify a little. Tbf, I’d apply all of those to middle aged men but with the added ‘don’t be dull’ admonition. I think there’s something about women with knowledge and energy, who are entering an age where they aren’t so committed to child-rearing that has the potential to be really inspiring.

I'm 45 and at the 'fucking hell who am I now that I'm not just a mum' stage.

I'm pushing my career ahead and have picked up a few different interests that are just for me, and that I love because they enrich me.

I don't know if I've become more interesting or just more interested in new and different things.

But they give me a sense of self and of control in my life that I didn't have before. I admire that in people so I guess that's what has propelled me.

I admire and aspire to be like middle aged women who:

• Know who they are, and are themselves unapologetically.
• Live purposeful lives, be that focused on family, career, or both.
• Have self-respect and look after themselves.
• Are outward-facing. By which I mean active, interested and focused on others and the world around them. Being preoccupied with oneself is normal in the young, but good to grow out of, imho.

Kindness to younger women?

I remember feeling very harshly judged by some senior women at work when I was in my 20's - I knew I had reasonable looks, and some of the men in the office were so inappropriate, it was gross. I wasn't brave enough to call them out, but I definitely didn't encourage them.

But I did feel my female boss at the time judged me/was envious of me, and I just desperately wanted to please her!

I really felt my lack of power and agency in those years, and i wish the senior women in that workplace could have taken me under their wing a bit more.

Confident, dignified, at peace with her choices, open to new ideas

Senior and respected in your profession.

For me, a big part of what is important to me in middle age is to be in a relationship with DH that is just easy, cosy and still exciting - at times!
I don't want drama. I just want to be content and happy.