Partner won’t marry me (thread 2)

She's gone back to him.

Bump

Any update op?

Hoping op is ok

I agree. Probably exhausted?

Op hasn’t been back? I hope she is okay,

It takes on average 7 attempts to leave before women in abusive relationships actually leave.

It's very difficult for people to do.

I think you're going to have an amazing new life without this deadweight dragging you down.

And knowing his life is in ruins will just make it sweeter 😆

I've got a funny feeling OP is going to stay with him. He'll promise the marriage just to put the brakes on her plans to leave, but it won't materialise. OP will just stop posting updates and we'll never find out the outcome. I'm really invested in her story but also very aware that this is someone's life. I really want her to do the right thing for her and her kids 🙏🏼

Well done OP. Absolutely rooting for you and your new life. You deserve so much more and what’s really very clear is you believe that you do, so heartening to hear on MN…there are so many women on here who put up with shitty ‘less-than’ treatment. Hope last night went as well as can be expected.

How did it go last night, OP?

I totally agree. Posters seem to expect ops to act very immediately and this is not always possible. Emotionally we are hugely complex creatures and life doesn’t work like that. Op from what she’s written has 2 primary aged children and a full time job. She needs a roof over their heads and for life to continue to tick along. Forgot to mention I think you may well be right about already hearing the same things from his ex wife.

Yup it is totally unfair to say the story is as old as time women puts up eith crap knows its crap puts up with it again knows what they should do but don't then just keep in doing the same cloche then the cycle continues with the next generation

Women have brains they just to use them every once in a while

This has just reminded me how the one time I stood up for myself giving a few home truths to a horrible ex. His jaw fell open and he started blustering and bluffing about "Oh the real you is coming out now, now I know what you really think, can't believe I was fooled all this time blah blah"
No acknowledgement or introspection, straight to defensive and self pity.

I hope you get to say everything you want to @Everythingwillbeokk

Some of you saying she will stay with him as he'll talk her round are being very unfair.

She carried out her ultimatum to leave (not physically but once her rental is sorted) barely a week ago because the marriage/house buying was not going to happen, only now she's realised too just how badly she was being used by him and how little he really thinks of her, not to mention he's so fucking stupid I think the ick, as a PP mentioned, has started to creep in. That's a lot to come to terms with in a short space of time.

EVEN IF she gave him another chance, he'd stuff up so fast because he really is that stupid, she'd be gone in no time. The chats they are having, whilst seemingly pointless now, are a way of putting it all to bed: she needs to hear him reconfirm himself as a total bellend because that way she knows there's no going back ever.

They could have had their own separate houses but carried on dating just to get on an even keel financially but letting him talk and condemn himself as a shit life partner is blowing that possibility out the water. I expect she may also realise that when his face fell as it did during their first talk, it was partly because much of what she said to him about how he treats her, he's already heard from his EXW. She seeing Mr I Almost Proposed and This is All in Your Head is showing up as the best he can ever be and it's beyond pitiful.

I'll look forwards to a non update as it's clear that you're going to stay with him. Good luck

Once you realise you are his intellectual superior by many, many light years, you just can’t un-ick the relationship. To get to that point you unfortunately have to come to the conclusion that you have been dumbing yourself down by buying into his shit for so long in the first place.

@Everythingwillbeokk

So glad to read your last update. It's obvious that you have your head on straight and that you value yourself. You may have 'lost' yourself there for a bit, but you're back with a vengeance.

I understand the talk is 'for you'. I understand the need to get your truth out there. But I think it's best to be prepared for your words to fall on stony ground. He simply doesn't have the ability to truly understand who you really are and where you're coming from. So speak your truth, but please don't exhaust yourself in doing so. It's just not worth it and you need your strength to get out of there.

He needs to start parenting as you will soon be gone.
The sooner he starts cooking, laundry, pick ups the better.
Do not allow him to continue to use you as a skivvy.
So delighted that you are done.
His loss.

I used to go along with my husband mostly too. He said to me the other day he sees me for what I am now.

Except now I'm his ex wife, stand up for myself and take no shit. Admittedly sometimes I have been upset but I'm a whole new person and he Does Not Like It.

Keep going and I hope he's paying for the takeaways.

If the second chat gives you the closure you want then great, please just keep in mind that he'll be desperate to get you back onside.

Well I am pleased to read your latest post! You have your head firmly screwed on and those rose tinted glasses are well and truly off!

If things get too intense, just grey rock him.

You sound tired op, so don’t let him wear you down. He will want the talk tonight for his own benefit not yours. And that involves giving you a few scraps to keep you paying his mortgage so be it.

You sound determined and focused though, and I hope you have closure and walk away from this shitbag.

I dont think anyone would have suggested having a legal contract in place ensuring her rights over joint assets, tax and inheritance benefits etc would change his ways. Instead it would give her greater protection and rights than she currently had.

That's why it's asinine to reduce being married to "a piece of paper". Much like it would be ridiculous to suggest couples who have those agreements ensured via other legal documents are just signing pieces of paper.

Be sure to mention the window seat incident. That pretty well sums him up.