Partner won’t marry me (thread 2)

He is staying home to ' watch ' you, he needs to know what you are up to.

watch out for listening into / recording your phone calls etc. and ' accidentally ' reading your post.

next time he does actually leave the house - move more of your stuff out. you may be leaving sooner then you think / plan.

how often do his children stay / when are they next due ?

I really dislike this man. He's just pathetic

' you've hit me ' that is hilarious

except - be careful he may be starting to play his game, and before you know it he has reported you for assault !

and as for you paying a pittance to live in HIS house - well !!!

that's wonderful he only needs to find a pittance himself when you have gone.

Just raft - I’d say get away ASAP. I really hope the rental works out for you.

The part about him never letting g you sit in the window speaks volumes about his general contempt and dislike of you. Dh always lets me sit in the window even though he prefers it himself.

”little” things like this are huge red flags and are really telling in someone’s feelings for you - thinking even his dcs have more of a right to sit in the window over you, his partner, is a very good reference to your whole relationship really. You come last.

You sound lovely and very sensible - we’re all guilty of making mistakes in relationships - the main thing is to change the situation once the scales fall from your eyes, which you are doing. I really hope it all works out for you.

Here's a ridiculous fecking twit and as transparent as a pane of glass!

Anyway - he was nice as pie all day. And I mean like a different person - yes my spidey senses were all over this one!!! Then on the way home he said ‘I should be grateful he has allowed me to live in his house paying such a pittance’

Putting on an act and being nice to you to soften you up so that he can ambush you with this claim that you should be grateful to him🙄
Trying to gaslight you into thinking that it's him who is doing you a favor 🤣
He really thinks he's going to come out on top, get what he wants, make you obey him, keep you on as a serving maid
urgh🙄

Omgggg the pittance!!!! He's on a different planet!

On a serious note, so not engage with him in any way again. No tapping, no arguing, no more let's chat about issues. You won't get through ro him, just wasting your energy. And possibly end up in a conflictive position, or him accusing you of abuse. You don't need extra stress right now.
You can go through the list with therapist or counsellor if you plan to try therapy.

At this point OP I would be moving myself and the DC into your mother's box room and house hunting from there. No it's not perfect, but it's got to be better than what is happening right now, the tension must be through the roof for you and the DC.

I would be worried he is recording you secretly and getting the "you hit me!" documented is laying the groundwork for some sort of complaint, or for justifying violence toward you.

Be careful.

Grr it won’t let me edit. I read more of your responses and it seems you are working on your exit plan.

Congrats!

Hope that goes well and please - whenever somebody shows you who they are (or says they never want to remarry) believe them. The first time.

Stop wasting your energy on him OP. You're going to need it to make the life you want to build.

Your relationship is over. You know it but unfortunately so does he. You need to get out of there ASAP. The 'you hit me' is raising alarm bells for me. Get out ASAP.

Get moved out first, then send him a letter getting everything off your chest. Engaging now just gives him power.

Wishing you all the best OP. Finding it incomprehensible you keep engaging with him so I am out. That’s just me. All the best.

I had to go look up the other thread for context!

Personally I am not a fan of ultimatums, do you want somebody marrying you out of duress? Seems like you have both been honest and upfront with each other from the start and want fundamentally different things. In that context I cannot understand why either of you continued with this relationship tbh.

Maybe time to bow out and seek somebody who wants a real commitment with you.

OP, stop engaging and trying to convince a selfish user that you are right.

It really is a massive waste of your energy.
Do not put your hands on him.
Do not do that again.
Forget your list.

Focus on getting your children and yourself out of this mess.
That should be your sole priority.
Not his food shopping, nor feeding HIS children.
His children are not your responsibility.

Please drop the rope.

I’m so glad you didn’t take him back! He doesn’t want to hear the truth. I hope this is making it much easier for you op. The scales have well and truly fallen! Good for you. Start protecting yourself - changing passwords, putting away money. Preparing now. Well done for holding out. You will thank your younger self one day for doing this.

Honestly, I'd be glad he keeps doing these ridiculous things. It's hard to leave someone when you've invested so much in them, especially when they start sucking up when you threaten to leave. Honestly just be thankful he's continuing to show you that absolute idiot that he is. You're well rid and he's brought this all on himself. Have all my fingers and toes crossed for everything going smoothly on Friday and your new and improved life beginning. What a lucky escape.

Sounds like a bad end to an uncomfortable weekend@Everythingwillbeokk - but onwards and upwards 🌼 💐

Don't mind posters saying stupid shit... oh she must be back with him because we haven't had an update within "our" timeline... unfortunately some posters forget that its real people, living sometimes difficult, complicated lives & it's not an episode of Eastenders with an update tomorrow.
Look after yourself and your children, and come here for support if you need it.

P.S. he's a dickhead!! But you know that 😏

I'm totally on your side OP, and rooting for you, but in all candor you are sending mixed signals.

Shopping together is not necessary to "be adult." Let him source his own food. Persisting in talking about these things and shoving lists at him gives the false impression he can fix issues.

Just grey rock, spend as little time as possible there and start packing. Have you moved your valuable belongings to your mother's house?

Thinking of you op, hope all is well, whatever you've decided to do 💐

Blimey, people, give her a chance! It's only been a day. However the talks turned out, this is someone's life going through a big disruption. She doesn't owe us an instant update.

Op can always name change if she needs support again. It can take time to leave.

The silence is beginning to speak volumes…

No one is going to give op a hard time, she does need to immediately stop paying the mortgage and invest in her own property for her children’s sake if nothing else.

Life is never as straight forward as hope it will be, especially an enormous decision to separate. In reality it will take months, even if the process started today.

Op, you can still come back for support if you need it, no one will judge you if he managed to talk you around, but protecting yourself and your children can still be done.

Hopefully she wont. But if she does then she needs to know that posters won't tear her to bits for it because we understand how hard it can be to leave and how tempting it can be to believe promises of change and declarations of love.

She needs to know that when he goes back to normal and she realises she got manipulated that she can start the leaving process again, and come back for support.