Partner won’t marry me (thread 2)

So glad you are OK OP!
Play man's gameand if he suggests again to add you to mortgage or similar commitment, tell him "I will think about it".
It will buy you some time, and save you from his agro. Stay safe!

Brilliant news. No house is perfect, this one will be all the better for not having STBX in it.

You can remove kids summer clothes. Shoes, sheets, towels, tea towels, cleaning stuff, stuff from the garden, garage, loft. Tools,

Leave just enough to not blow your cover,

Haven't posted before, but have read both threads and have been cheering you on from the sidelines. Phew that you are OK, that you got the second house, and with a new kitchen - bonus! Excellent support also from your workplace that will stand you in good stead.

Have never been in your position, but have had to endure living with my late ex-husband in a scenario where we were about to split - I was kicking him out. Knowing that he was toing and froing between me and the OW every day added nothing positive to the proceedings. I had to let everything that he said to me go in one ear and out of the other, otherwise I suspect I would have throttled him.

The light is there now at the end of the tunnel, and a bright future is yours for the taking. Brava, OP!

Take a video of his house as you leave, lest he accuse you of any damage.

He is such a dud, he is capable on anything.

Just glad you are all right and safe OP. Please keep the peace in whatever way is best till moving date. Good luck.

Wise words @Deloresmonroe

I think to try and make things more amicable when leaving, you should say that you think we should have a break as it’s all getting to stressful but can carry on seeing each other and reconsider the future in a few months. Of course that’s not what you are really thinking, but it allows him to sort of somewhat ‘save face’. You could also try agreeing with him that all the house should go to his kids but are sorry that doesn’t work for you. Don’t get into arguments or tell him he’s wrong or show him what’s he’s missing, till months from now.

I’m so glad you are escaping this vile excuse of a man.
If you’re happy to, then I’d suggest contacting a domestic abuse charity. The most dangerous time for a woman is when she is leaving, if he catches you or sees anything missing he may become aggressive and try and stop you leaving. They may be able to support you with the process.
You also don’t want the risk of him acting a victim and reporting you for attacking him or similar when he realises you have gone. Keep a record of everything and try and record his comments and name calling towards you as evidence of his treatment towards you.
This will all be in the past soon enough, you’re very strong and you should be proud of yourself.
I wish you and your children the very best in your new home.

So delighted for you.
That is fantastic news.
Please be very wary, your safety is paramount.
As he is a cop, please take advice from Women's aid about blow back from him.
Record him if you get a chance, to show just how abusive he is.

Can work help you with the removal of stuff, any men in the office that could help you clear the house?
If there are, ask for support.
Can you give the house a clean with friends before you move in?
It makes things so much easier.
Would work/friends give you boxes that you could fill and leave until the move?
Reach out and ask for help to make this transition a little easier.

Pleased to hear a positive update. The house may not be perfect, but it’s perfect for you right now. Protect yourself for the next couple weeks. I agree don’t tell him you have found somewhere until you’ve gone. Until then, cool calm communication on essential topics only & “I’ll find somewhere & move out as soon as possible” is the most he needs to know. (Unless there’s a danger of violence, then tell him nothing)

I do feel sorry for his kids as it sounds like you’ve been a positive in their lives, so a kinder goodbye to them if possible?

Well Thank Goodness for that ! I had you buried under the patio !!!

I have been waiting since last Weds for an update, so pleased it's a positive one.

I hope the 2 week turnaround is quicker than 2 weeks, and I also hope the next 2 weeks fly by for you.

I wonder if you are looking at 1st November - that would make sense date wise.

Personally I wouldn't tell him, when you get a date I would book a man and a van or whatever you need and do it in a day whilst he is at work, and be finished before your children come out of school.
Sadly I wouldn't tell your children either as they may say something by accident.

I would suggest you inform their school/s, just incase he ever collects your children - that he is not to take them.

I'm so so happy for you! I hope you are out of there and away from him very soon.

So pleased for you!

Are there any photos/videos you want to get? For example on his computer.

Have you towels, bedding and stuff in laundry cupboards or the kids rooms that they won’t need for two weeks that you could take to a friends house whilst he’s out.

I’d start with appliances and bits that aren’t often used or are out of sight out of mind type of stuff. Including any Christmas stuff that’s precious to you.

You are doing so well!

hi OP, glad you’re okay. I was more concerned you were in a serious way rather than this being fake.

Im so pleased you have the house, it might not be “perfect” in the traditional sense, but it’s a way out and that’s perfect.

@Everythingwillbeokk good for you, although not sure why you even entertained the conversation about splitting the mortgage as his s treatment of you over the last couple of weeks is enough for this to be over regardless. Perhaps you were just trying to keep the peace but probably not wise to enter into conversations that only there is any hope of reconciliation.
Dont forget to set up postal redirection for when you move, you don’t want to have any reason to interact or return after you’ve left. I know it’s still local so he can probably find out relatively easily but don’t give him your new address. He doesn’t need to know you’re moving until you have.

Thanks for the update and fantastic you got your house!

Wow! Great update! Fingers crossed that you have a smooth departure.

Oh @Everythingwillbeokk, great news about your new home! Congratulations - and really well done on what sounds like a very emotionally stressful time with STBX.

He's really showing who he is now, isn't he? I think you're right to keep your news to yourself for now. Wishing you a following wind and the promise of a happily uncomplicated Christmas with your DC!

Great update - do you mean you're booking out the week you can move in or you're going to move your bits somewhere else in the meantime? It's a shame he's now stooping to name calling when two minutes previously he wanted to share the mortgage with you. He sounds very desperate!