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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

There’s no way this can work is there?

162 replies

Pickledpicklez · 04/10/2024 17:41

If there is, please advise.

dm is getting elderly, lives in other end of country. Time is coming to think of more long term plans. Not quite yet but in the next 3 years.

as a working theory we’ve said, well both sell our homes and buy a larger house with an annex for her. Perfect, except there seems to be no way to make this actually possible as no one will let us view a house because we’ve got not one but two houses to sell. So 2 chains.

Dh and I would like another child, so our family may expand. And we don’t have enough savings nor is it affordable mortgage wise to take out a second mortgage especially as we’d be looking at a 5 bed house with an annex, either as an out building or side of the house. We’d need it already built and we’d need to close to my kids school (one of the best in the city so seems foolish to move from the catchment area)

we don’t have enough room as is for dm to sell up and move in now. Plus dm isn’t an easy woman, the annex for some separate living conditions is an absolute must.

only thing I can think of is bridging loan (high risk) and moving my house to consent to let on interest only to remove the capital and maxing out affordability, BUT likely no high street lender would touch us because it’s so high risk and even writing down it’s likely not affordable.

one option is that she needs to sell toute suite and move into a cheap rental but who knows how long it would be til we could find a house that ticks all the boxes

anyone had similar and can help me.

OP posts:
PandyMoanyMum · 04/10/2024 17:53

Would it make more sense for her to sell and to buy something close to where you live? My DFIL bought a house on the same street as us. So he’s close but not sharing the same space.

StormingNorman · 04/10/2024 17:52

The idea of a bridging loan makes me feel nervous for you. One or both of you going into a rental would be far safer.

Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2024 17:52

Pickledpicklez · 04/10/2024 17:48

because…?

You said she was difficult
You want another child
You don't want to move out of the catchment for your childrens school
Its going to be difficult to arrange
You will end up caring for her

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 04/10/2024 17:51

Would you Mum be interested in selling her property and moving to a suitable place closer to you, but not actually with you? Might be simpler.

Sirzy · 04/10/2024 17:51

Would her moving into some sort of supported living near you be a better option?

Choux · 04/10/2024 17:49

My mum's lovely but I still wouldn't have moved in with her as she aged.

In the end she got dementia. Dad was her carer but when he died I lived with her for two weeks while waiting for her care home place to become available. I literally couldn't leave her alone for a minute. She also had carers for personal care - it's hard to shower and toilet your parent.

She is now in a care home. How would that work finance wise if you have pooled your funds to buy a big property? Would that be seen as deprivation of assets?

Pickledpicklez · 04/10/2024 17:48

Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2024 17:44

I think that having her live with you is a bad idea

because…?

OP posts:
Pickledpicklez · 04/10/2024 17:47

Alalalala · 04/10/2024 17:43

I think the rental idea is the only option. It would mean you can get things moving now.

For both of us?

OP posts:
Pickledpicklez · 04/10/2024 17:47

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 04/10/2024 17:44

Can you build onto your property? Garden annex? Loft conversion?

No, we can’t build into the loft and we don’t have the garden space, so it’s not an option at all. Would be simpler if it was

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 04/10/2024 17:44

I think that having her live with you is a bad idea

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 04/10/2024 17:44

Can you build onto your property? Garden annex? Loft conversion?

Alalalala · 04/10/2024 17:43

I think the rental idea is the only option. It would mean you can get things moving now.

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