To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

Then maybe you've been fortunate just winging it by arriving just 2 hours before. One day your luck might run out and there'll be a delay and you miss your flight.

It was his tone of voice that was severe.

She mentions in her OP that he is 'strict' about timekeeping, and that this is a different approach from the one she's used to.

Maybe this is the one thing about him that grinds her gears?
Maybe this is a straw/ camel's back thing in the relationship?
Maybe there are many compromises she can live with, items that don't matter either way. Maybe there are a few things in the past that were actually important to her, but she decided not to rock the boat and keep focused on the relationship, or getting a task accomplished.
Maybe at the back of her mind, she expected some reciprocity when something came up that was important to her, and it clearly didn't turn out that way.

Maybe deep down, she'd like a partner who is happy to put her first when something is important to her?

Maybe she's far enough into the relationship that she's noticing he's not going to budge on some things, and some of those things just happen to be important to her? In fact, she has stated she is concerned that compromise - or more accurately, giving in and doing things his way - on her part will become an expected response to him.

I don’t think ND has anything to do really do with this. There are 2 distinct types of people in the world… early arrives and late ones. Neither is wrong, but they can be incompatible. I hate it when people ask me what time they should leave for the airport. So much pressure! I usually start with “I’d rather be stupidly early than rush… so I would leave by X and will give me time to grab a drink and lunch”.

I’ve been flying in and out of Atlanta airport (busiest in the world) monthly this year. I allocate 3 hours for a 30 min drive and about 3-4 hours at the airport on top of that plus having the quickest pass for security. Even with that 5 hour cushion I’ve almost missed my plane twice this year, due to traffic and lines/delays.

So my airport perception is skewed. Ironically my little home airport is one of the quickest I’ve ever flown from and really only need to arrive about 45 min before.

I travel a lot, anywhere between 8 - 12 international trips a year for work & pleasure.

I love airports. I like to be early. My favourite part is when we're through security & all is well & we have enough time to browse duty free / bookshop / get any last bits in boots & then get a coffee & cake or lunch / dinner & a glass of bubbles or wine. It's absolutely the start of the trip for me.

I love sitting with dh, if we're travelling together, & feeling relaxed & happy & full of excitement for the holiday ahead.

I have to say from reading all your comments I don't think you two sound compatible at all, I'm sorry to say. You sound impatient & rigid in your opposition to his 'rigidity'.

Anyway I think he's right to aim for 3 hours.

He said 'severely' that he was going to be there three hours before the flight, implying she could do as she pleased but he wasn't going to consider an alternative.

She wanted to split the difference but he wouldn't budge.

He's the one who won't compromise here.

Maybe you're just not compatible?

Just severely said 'ill be going 3 hours before, you can do what you want' kind of thing

YABU. He’s not forcing you to go three hours early. He has only said he will and you can choose to do what you want.

I’m a 3 hour person too sometimes more because we’re an hour from Luton, Heathrow, and Birmingham and traffic jams can and do happen. Plus, I may have to go to the desk and there be a long queue due to issues with the systems at the airport or online. Security may be longer than anticipated. There are a lot of variables that can turn into more than enough time to oh sh*t and running across an airport. Unless you’re taking a flight at a time where there is rarely ever traffic like between 10pm and 5 am, ime, then three hours isn’t too much to ask.

You don’t want to go three hours early, that is your choice and you don’t have to, but wanting him to compromise to your two hours when you don’t want to compromise to his three isn’t fair when he is ok for you to meet him there.

Airports are indeed hideous places, but even more hideous if you arrive late for your flight. I prefer to be three hours early and suffer the hideousness without stress.

My friend's husband is a bit sneery about this as he likes to cut it fine, but one of us has never missed a flight and it's not him.

My cousin got held up on the motorway recently and only caught her flight because it was delayed.

It’s supposed to be 3 hours for international flights isn’t it?

As soon as my bags are checked in I’m relaxed and I quite like airports - having a meal, pottering around the shops. My ex hated it because he has a thing about being on time and he’d spend the whole time stressed out and terrified about missing an announcement. He was desperate to be waiting at the boarding gate as soon as possible - if they’d let him he’d have sat there for the whole 3 hours! He flew a lot for work but never calmed down about it. He sucked the joy out of travelling for me.

You don’t seem very compatible tbh. It’s hardly a gigantic compromise to get to the airport an hour earlier than you would prefer.

I am ND and would have a total meltdown if there was any possibility that I might be late for a flight. I would be sick with anxiety.

A lounge is the answer here.

I'm with you. They tell you to get their ridiculously early purely to encourage to spend in the extortionate shops and bars. Always aim to get there so I'll be through an hour before take off.

It's not happened to me but worst case I've seen plenty of instances in security where a person is late and gets rushed to the front to ensure they make their flight. They'll do all they can to get you onboard, you don't need to be there 3 hours early.

Airports are hideous places

I’m with your partner on this, the roads are unpredictable, I can’t imagine anything worse than being stuck on the motorway when you’ve got a plane to catch. It’s a small compromise for you. I love relaxing when you’ve got through security, have a couple of drinks and something nice to eat, the time will go quickly.

It's 60 minutes op, maybe don't go through security until closer to the 2hour mark, it's not about his needs trumping yours, it's not a battle or a competition, just about working together to find a solution that works for both of you, I'm a 3hour before flight person too, 3 hours flies by.

Have a great holiday when you go

Is anyone else thinking that the OP must live fairly close to the airport to not have to factor an extra hour for travel there in case of road/motorway closures/train cancellations?

We usually fly from Manchester or Leeds Bradford, and we always have to allow for extra time to get across the Pennines. If Woodhead is closed we would have to go via the M62 which is twice as far.

My DH gets really stressed about airports etc and would quite happily never go abroad again. So,I agree to getting to the airport very early so he's relaxed and we go on foreign holidays together. Long term relationships are based on compromising and living harmoniously. For the two of you the compromise might be that he agrees with paying for a Lounge as long as you agree to go early.

I'd pick a different hill to die on. It's 60 mins. And sods law, the one time you insist on 2 hrs there will be an issue.

If it's a larger aiport just go 3 hours early, check in, go through security and then have a meal somewhere which means you aren't wandering around all over the place

That works beautifully once bag drop for your flight's open and you've dropped any cases, @wwjalme, but I was that woman who got talked into arriving not 3 hours before but SIX - that "accommodation" again you see - only to face more tantrums about how we shouldn't have brought this case but the other one and much more

It goes without saying that this was a mere slice of the behaviour the issues caused, but I'll say again that not everyone can endure this indefinitely

For me it would be important to know if you need to check in your luggage and if it’s an international or national flight. That would warrant the 3 hour wait or the 2 hour wait.

I always like to be 3 hours in advance as a contingency plan and I am not autistic

As someone who used to fly in and out the country every fortnight for work and travelled the word for pleasure 3 hours is the minimum I would want be at the airport. Over the years I think I still missed 3 fights due to bad accidents on the motorway.
All that aside doesn't sounds like you guys are right for each other if neither one of you cant compromise on something silly as airport times I wouldn't hold out on much hope for your future.

This year he started getting really anxious because we hadn't yet checked out of a holiday home 15 mins before we needed to. He was jumping about outside stressing

If you mean that, OP, and he's this badly affected, you might want to consider if this is really the relationship for you - after all there's nothing wrong in being understanding and making alllowances, but nothing wrong either in deciding the burden's too much

Speaking from experience, accommodating these demands can mean they ramp up, whereas resisting them can result in anxiety and some very ugly arguments, and since these "allowances" aren't always a two way thing it is - as said - okay to decide it's not what you want

I am the DP in this situation - with a very, very understanding DH who let me get to the airport significantly more than three hours ahead when we travelled to Australia many years ago...

Everyone with travel stress is different, and I know for many travelling separately would be the ideal solution. This is just my perspective!

I would get to the airport three hours before the flight. Actually probably a bit more than that because three hours is "on time" and I would want to be a bit early to make sure I wasn't late. Yes, I know it makes no sense to you because that's what the three hours are for 😂 I would then be fine for a bit because I would be distracted by Security and finding somewhere to sit and getting a coffee or whatever. But then...

Then I would start to properly panic about where you were. What if you got stuck in traffic and missed the flight? What if there was a problem with your passport and they wouldn't let you through or we'd accidentally booked tickets on different planes? What if I was in the wrong terminal and by some twist of fate they'd let me through? What if there's a security alert and you can't come through? Or an ash cloud? What if you couldn't find me? I'd be a very stressed person in Starbucks until you got there - possibly even more so than getting there with you two hours ahead.

As I said, everyone is different and this is just how I would be. I'm feeling a bit vulnerable having written this, but it's done now. But please don't laugh at me, I know it's weird and utterly incomprehensible from the outside! Between DH and I we've found various coping mechanisms that work for both of us - needing to keep my shit together because we have a child was remarkably effective too! I'm now pretty much OK with travelling as a family. Work travel is a whole other boardgame though...!

Could you book in at the airport lounge? We did on our last trip. Had a nice breakfast, and it’s very chilled. Could have spent more time there.

Hope it's not Luton. You need to be there 3 hours early - getting through security is an absolute pain. And getting to any airport early means the whole performance is less stressful.

Having missed a flight I'm with him tbh.