To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

Which airport is it? Is there anywhere nearby you could go

I travel a lot for work. I always aim to be at the airport 3 hours before. While 2 hours is usually OK, l build in an hour contingency. Over the years, l’ve been stuck on motorways, stuck on a broken down train, delayed by shortage of security staff.

For the sake of an hour and less stress, why not go with the flow? And yes, as suggested up thread, book a lounge.

I'm always early for everything, for me that is being on time. I arrive 15 minutes early if meeting someone or for an appointment (or for arriving at the school gate before school). And if the recommendation is to arrive 3 hours before departure at the airport, that is when I arrive.

DH is not like this, he comes from a family that aims to arrive on the dot. And are also very chilled about arriving at the airport.

So the only times DC were late for school were with DH; he, and PIL have missed flights.

Fortunately he is not uptight when he travels with me. Arriving 3 hours before the flight isn't a big issue. He just reads while I keep an eye on the boards.

FWIW I have Googled Manchester Airport. They recommend arriving at security 2 hours before the flight time, so walking from the station/car park, checking in bags if you have them etc should be before that.

Hi, on the spectrum here.

I try get there more early than your partner... 4+ hours. I am also terrible with organising and planning so never set off on time anyway but still always there quite early (more than 3 hours). My other half just goes along with it, and its better than being stuck cause of a crash on the motorway or if you do get trains, that its cancelled or you can't get a taxi.

More time makes it less stressful there and time to decompress between the different parts of the airport especially with all the queues and noise and lights and soubds. It's all a bit much (we go Manchester Airport which can be a bit crap at times). But after getting through everything, I think it would tip me over the edge to then run straight to get on the plane. I have a ritual at the airport in between the last part of security and going to the gate to keep me ok.

Making it less stressful might reduce burn out the next day or more days on the holiday. For the sake of an hour can you not accomodate? I would simply not cope with a 2 hour deadline and they board people a lot earlier than the actual flight time

But he's not making you go 3 hours before - he's telling you that he is going at that time and you are free to do what you want. He's communicating with you not controlling you.

This isn't about the travel time, is it? Are you having other difficulties in the relationship?

It depends on the airport. For my local airport (Leeds Bradford) I never get there more than 2 hours in advance. It has no seats, a manky Burger King and a WhSmith and that's it. There is zero pleasure in arriving early. Last flight I arrived an hour before and that was more than enough time.

If I'm flying from Manchester I'd get there a bit earlier as it can take ages to get to the gate etc.

I'm a FF for work. I don't like hanging about airports at stupid o'clock in the morning so am great at getting there with as little time as possible to wait.

When I'm holidaying with DH however I get here as early as possible. 3, 3 and half hours sometimes 4 if we are going to the airline lounge.

Make it the start of your holiday. Grab a few drinks and some food and relax. It's literally just another hour where you can have another glass of wine! You aren't standing around like it's a bus station.

The worst that can happen is you convince him on the 2 hour thing and there's an unexpected delay, queues at security or bag drop and he's all 'I told you so' or you both end up stressing.

If you go with him on 3 hours and you both get bored or have to find things to pass the time you can maybe drop a hint. Checks watch... 'see I think it would have been fine for us to be arriving about now... '

His way, not hoses

Does he insist on always doing things hoses because he's on the spectrum? I mean, how often do you find yourself going along with what he wants / needs?

Honestly the last couple of times I've been to the airport it's taken so long to get bags checked in that a 3hr window is not that far fetched.... At least if you are early you are not having to rush.....

Is there a reason you’re singling me out when lots have given the same opinion? It’s not a pleasant, nice and understanding thing to do, so grow up.

How can you guarantee you’ll be there on time if you aim for 2 hours before? That’s what worries me! Unless you live really close / are staying on site.

We go by train / coach / car to two airports which are about an hour away and I always get the train / coach before the one that would get me there in time, just in case it’s cancelled. Not sure if insurance would pay out otherwise.

Wtf should the OP give way to this man? She has boundaries, he wants to trample them.

Stand firm, @JennaRink because trust me if you give way to this it will be embedded in his mind that this is "how it is" from now on

I have 40 years of navigating living with a ND husband and daughter and trust me, it just gets worse.

I hate airports OP.

The duty free section with the bright lights and perfume spritzes everywhere makes me want to hurl. It’s awful and I try to race through it as fast as I can.

It’s a sensory overload. The bustling crowds I find overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, I like Oxford street, I like concerts. But I hate airport crowds. There’s this strange tension which I find uncomfortable for some reason.

I don’t want to spend an extra minute in there unless I have to. Always do relieved when the gate shows.

I would compromise to 2.5h

Oh for goodness sake. You are on one tonight.
You sound really, really pleasant. Such a nice, understanding person.
Her other half is neurodivergent. What part of that don’t you understand? A little tolerance is needed.

I hate being late. I prefer being there 3 hours before too. I took a flight on 7th July 2005 and if you ever travelled when something bad happens, you know how much easier/less stressful it is if you are there earlier.

Can you plan in a meal so you can sit and relax? I'd want to compromise at 2.5 hours.

My exh was a last minute arriver at airports and the like. He’s never really changed. He also saw it as a sign of weakness to pre book seats or anything along those lines.

Could you treat yourselves to a Lounge pass so its not too busy for you ?

No wonder the airports are so full!

Question is when to be at the airport. Not when to leave for the airport. Noone can tell you when to leave for the airport as noone know where you live ... I'm saying it's perfectly fine to be AT the airport TWO hours before the flight. What exactly can delay you that much at the airport? Not to mention once you are at the airport, the staff always has flexibility for people who are at risk of missing their flights.

2 hours is the latest you should get there. 3 hours is not unreasonable at all. Me and my partner have the same argument. We’ve always done it his way. This time we did it my way and he agreed it was much more relaxing. I can spend at least an hour in WH Smith’s 😂.

If it’s Birmingham airport you’d be bonkers to allow any less than three hours! Plenty of reports in the news about hour plus queues stretching outside due to understaffed security and people missing flights despite being there in plenty of time

I'm female. I'm neurotypical, but I am much less stressed if I plan to get to the airport 3 hours before my flight.

My travel buddy is male. He's one of those people who thinks that if he gets to the train platform before the train comes in, he's got there too early.

When we started travelling together he found it really irritating that I needed to be at the airport early, and that I got stressed if we were meeting there and he was planning to get there 60-90 minutes before. But he adapted to me, because he recognised that it was the decent thing to do, and now he's fine with getting there earlier.

Fortunately he didn't see it as a man having to pander to a woman.

Compromise sometimes means agreeing to something the other person wants, and maybe getting what you want another time, not necessarily trying to change what the other person wants.
My DH sometimes comes to see a musical with me and I go and see a rugby game with him. We don't battle over my musical and turn it into something neither of us are happy with.
OP DP wants to be three hours early. If he did not agree to 2.5 hours, OP can accept this and go with him, go herself a bit later, or break up with him. If options 1 or 2 are acceptable, then hopefully there will be times that DP will do something just for her. If, as she seems to be hinting, she always has to give in to his wants, then option 3 seems to be the way to go.