To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

Agreed. You are generally action the plane 30 mins or so before leaving.

Now on way back you are more at the mercy of transfers if they are included. Ie my tui return flight, they told us when to be on coach so they dictated it all. Same with when I have had transfers in day Orlando -the carrier wants you on their transport early to avoid issues of you blaming them for missing it.

I also get the annoyance of being late to check out of accommodation-I worry that we will be charged extra and it's also a bit rude if the cleaners will be coming in as soon as you leave. So I prefer to stick to the rules and be out before the agreed time.

I wonder if what perhaps has irked OP is the framing of it.

Certainly, I find there to be a lot of presumption on this thread:
Just get there early,
Just get a drink or a meal beforehand
Just browse the shops

What a lot of people are minimizing is that the OP (a) doesn’t want to, and (b) wants it recognized as being quite a big ask when (c) she sees that most of you feel that she would owe it to you because of your ‘Anxiety’, and not as a politeness being extended to you, at the inconvenience of others.
Certainly it irks me just reading this how most cannot recognize, never mind acknowledge that not being there super early is also valid.

Go early book a nice lounge....quieter nicer space food and drink

I was at the airport for last week. Spent 1 hour getting through checking luggage in and security as it was very busy. Boarding closed 30 minutes before take off and it was a 30 minute walk to the gate. So in all we actually only had an hour.

I get it's annoying but I would probably just go 3 hours before....but I'd book in to a lounge so I could get peace and enjoy the 3 hours.

but you'd still have an hour to find your gate.

No you wouldn't as most flights are called 40 mins before the takeoff time.

I have a son who’s autistic and basically no his will won’t trump yours but from what I’ve experienced you will constantly have to fight for your boundaries and be extremely firm with them. As they are unable to a degree take on board someone else’s needs. They try too, at least my son tries but as soon as he’s anxious or angry. He cannot process someone else’s needs, wants or feelings. I love my son and will continue to fight for him but I would never date someone who on the spectrum as it’s exhausting. I’ve met a quite few people whose husbands are autistic and they get very little back as a partner. They end up being more like a carer. I’m not saying all relationships with someone who has needs are like this. But I’ve seen enough to know I’d need more myself. That is what you will have to answer for yourself. Is what he’s offering you going to be enough in the long run because he will not or cannot change.

No. They've already added the not normal leeway into their 2 hour rule.

Your post makes sense if it normally took two hours to get through an airport.

But it doesn't. It takes much less.

If it takes half an hour to get through security then it feels like an age. It it takes half an hour to get through passport control then it feels like an age. If both of these things happened, it would be a major time suck, but you'd still have an hour to find your gate.

Of course, it's easy to fill another hour at the airport with a drink and a wander through duty free, but these are things you do because you've got time to kill.

I always aim to get there 3h before it allow as time for all kinds of fuck ups to occur on the way and if none do then it allows the time for getting through security which can be a long queue or other airport based dramas

I got to the airport and realised I'd left my mobile in my car in one of Birmingham's out of the way carparks. I had to get a shuttle bus there and back whilst my mother and son waited the 50 minutes. It was honestly madly stressful for someone who is always early and organised.

Doesn't it depend where you're flying from/to/when every airports different? If I fly from my local one it's like a bus station so really quick and 2 hours might even be excessive. Last few flights from stanstead I've allowed 3 hours and it's cut close because it's been busier times. Also imagine you get him to do 2 hours and you miss it 😬 worst case if you go his way is you spend a bit more time waiting around.

But it’s a case of avoiding problems with the “normally” not being, err, normal.

It's interesting reading how different personality types react to events.

When I see someone recommending arriving with 3+ hours to spare because "we arrived 2 hours before the flight, some delay happened and we nearly missed our flight" I think "then 2 hours is the right figure because, even when there was a delay, you didn't miss your flight."

There are a lot of "nearly missed our flights" on this thread, meaning not very many "actually missed our flights".

I'm with your partner. With the state of UK airports and most airlines, I'd get there a bit earlier than necessary in case of long queues. I tried to di it in two hours once and nearly missed the flight due to long queues at security. I would have missed it if the flight itself hadn't been delayed.

We always do 3 if not longer saves panicking if there is a queue or we get caught at the scanning bit then we go for coffee or food

We always aim for 3 hours before now.

My DH preferred 2 hours. But once there was an accident on the road before the airport, and it was being cleared and the diversions were unclear - and we finally got to the airport just as check-in was closing and were told, by a short tempered Easyjet employee, to just “Run!” to catch our flight.

It was very stressful.

You might also have a car break down or problems with public transport..

Getting to an airport 2 or 3 hours early doesn't matter. Both are reasonable. It's fine to be an Early Person or Cutting It Fine Person, neither are better or worse. But if OP and her boyfriend are falling out over one hour at the airport their relationship will never survive an entire holiday. Going on holiday with someone else will entail multiple compromises, every day, from both of you. What time you get up, what activities you do, what sights you see, which restaurant you choose, how late you stay out...

Probably for the best because OP doesn't seem interested in compromising with someone who has autism and therefore has an actual medical reason he's being a stickler for timing. Perhaps a non-autistic partner would suit her better.

Is it really worth making a fuss about getting there an hour earlier? What would you be doing with the extra hour? We've had delays at airports before, catching the flight by the skin of our teeth, so seems sensible allowing a bit extra time so everything's not stressful. We get through check in and security, the find a quiet corner and sit having a coffee.

If you're finding the situation annoying, is the relationship right for you?

Why not find a quiet spot somewhere and just enjoy each others company? As PPs have said - have a nice meal and a chat. Get excited about the trip.

No, the two hours they recommend is in case of any hold up! It doesn't normally take two hours to go through security and get to your gate.

Indeed.

And the idea you travel separately and meet at the gate? That would have me as a huge bundle of nerves waiting for the other person!!

Compromise to me would maybe be.

We arrive 3 hours early at the airport. We drop bags off and check in.
We then sit somewhere quiet pre security for an hour. Then go through security later to reduce time in the busy airside bit.

(But I am thinking Gatwick Heathrow places with tons of spaces)

Only time ever we aimed to arrive 2 hours dead was when we had a 7am flight and we stayed at the airport night before. I then knew there would be no traffic hold ups. So we could check out of hotel at 5am and get monorail to check in.

Have any of the people suggesting you go off for a "nice meal" ever eaten food at an airport?

But it's not three hours early as it's recommended you are there two hours before the plane departs.

It's one hour early, which makes sense in case of any hold up!