To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

Book a quiet lounge then. Cheaper than you imagine and food and drinks are often included.

Run! If he’s causing you stress now then it’ll only get worse. If you’re both on the spectrum fine, if it’s just him, long term it could well make you very unhappy,

You're both inflexible and unreasonable.
If this is how it is now, the relationship has now chance, move on.

You say that your b/f is on the spectrum, and it sounds as if he might have the autistic traits of needing to adhere to a schedule and also anxiety. If you're not prepared to accommodate him over what seems to me a very trivial issue, then it's likely that your relationship won't last long. You will likely find all kinds of other scenarios where he will insist on you keeping to his schedule.

I used to travel constantly all around the world for my work, and often went with colleagues. I don't get particularly anxious about traveling but I always like to get to the airport three hours early for any international flight, even if it's short-haul, and my more experienced colleagues felt the same. I have experienced all kinds of delays in the past due to traffic, weather, security alerts etc. and it makes for a much more relaxed trip to check in and get through security early, then sit down for a relaxed meal or drink, do some work or reading, make some calls, chat with colleagues, etc. Try it; you might enjoy it. What your family has always done is irrelevant as you are in a relationship now.

Excuse to go to the bar for a pre flight g&t surely!?!

I am not a massive fan of being coupled up in a busy place. However, we do aim to go to the airport 3 hours before because if there are traffic delays we are not then concerned about those as we have plenty of time.

Equally, we have learned to make a bit of an event out of it having breakfast/lunch/dinner as I would rather eat in the airport than cramped up on a plane TBH (unless long haul where that can’t be helped of course), have a mooch around the shops and if we need to sit my DH will try and help find somewhere a bit quieter so I don’t feel too crowded out, but I find headphones and a book help.

We also sometimes holiday as a group of 8 and everyone has always kind of done the same, it just saves any worry if there’s a hold up in the way there and allows you to be less rushed overall.

If you know that arriving any later makes him anxious, why not just go with it? It's only an hour, and with the state of the security check at the moment, I don't think having extra time is such a bad thing!

It depends on which airport it is. If you're flying long haul from Heathrow then 3 hours is not actually that unreasonable. If you're flying from Southampton, for example, then getting there 3 hours early would be madness.

the irony

I always get there three hours before and book an airport lounge. It’s relaxing, I have something to eat and unwind from the journey to the airport. And it’s frankly cheaper to contain my my teen DDs and stop them raiding Pret, WH Smith, Boots etc. I don’t think three hours is unreasonable. It often takes the best part of an hour to get through security & budget airlines want you at the gate forty minutes before boarding…

My ex used to love spending time at the airport and get there early .
First holiday I had with my kids resulted in us missing out flight home because I’d failed to get there in enough time .
Im sure he laughed when my kids told him !
🤦🏽‍♀️

This is your compromise. It won't be as busy as the terminal and you can relax and start your holiday in style.

If you let me know what airport I may be able to recommend one.

I’d do you and let him do him. You both need to find common ground and it doesn’t look like you will. I’m with you on not wanting to bend, especially the way he’s asked/told you, if it becomes long term then you will have set firm boundaries in this regard because he will keep wanting control and if compromise isn’t going to happen on either side, this is what life will keep throwing at you.
Im all for compromise but the delivery sounded arsey for a start and you have to nip this control thing in the bud. Show him that your wants and needs are also valid and he can’t always do what he wants.

Sorry but shut up and put up or get rid of him. More people prefer leaving early than cutting it tight.

Don’t see the issue and why wouldn’t you if it’s to support your partner also. Have an extra coffee and enjoy some duty free browsing.

Yes, because you in particular have annoyed me.

Your comment about Women pandering to men was absolutely ridiculous. This is nothing to do with gender, yet you bring gender into it. Do you have a chip on your shoulder?

This is about understanding ND needs and then helping, not hindering.

Women pandering to men my arse!!!

Just go earlier what difference does an hour make in the grand scheme of things.

I can't stand being in an airport any longer than I need to be, I'm yet to have a nice meal at any airport so I don't understand the comments saying go early for that

What time have you been told to go for. It's usually 3 hours for a long haul flight. When flying trans Atlantic we usually go 3 hours before. If only a 2 hour flight you may find check in isn't open that early if you are checking in bags. You will have a wait until you get called when your gate is opened. Depends too on the airport what facilities are there.

Also we're talking about UK airports here, so only have to get through (checking in bags) and security and that's it. Easily done in 20 minutes at LHR if no significant queues and even faster elsewhere.

But most EU countries check passports leaving, and the queues can be very slow. So you need to allow time to check in larger bags if you are doing that, time for security AND time for passport control. I've flown out of Copenhagen since Brexit/Covid (2022) and security took 40 minutes and passport control 30 (even the EU passport queue was slow and probably took at least 15). The 2 hours looks much less over the top when you consider that. We got to the gate and got straight onto the plane, that has never happened to me before.

1.5 is usually fine. The problem is if you get stuck in traffic getting there, and your 1.5 hours shrinks to 45 minutes. Then it's cutting it very fine indeed as most airlines want you at the gate at least 30 minutes before boarding, although they often start boarding later than that.

Hence why I aim for 2.5 and that allows for an hour's delay in traffic.

I find there are two camps.

The first feels that the 3 hours recommended is for other people and turn up when they like expecting the plane won't take off without them. A lot of the time it works out fine until it doesn't and it can be a miserable or expensive mistake if you miss a flight.

The second thinks what if there is traffic, or a big queue or some other thing that is not in their control and factors excess timings. Most of the time they are in the airport for ages but occasionally it means they get their flight when otherwise they would have missed it.

I prefer the latter as I know if shit hits the fan I have time to still get there. Personally if someone insisted they wanted to chance a short time I would just make my way there on my own knowing if they missed the flight I would still get my holiday.

You don’t need more than 2 hours . It’s ridiculous and a waste of time. I’m someone who arrives at our small regional airport an hour before . DH is a bit like your boyfriend and we compromise to 1 hour 15 for local airport and 2 hours for Europe.
But you do need to make sure it is 2 hours and not 90 mins . Don’t humour him or you will be doing it forever…