To not want to go to the airport 3 hours before?

Why can’t he show some compassion to her anxiety about crowded places?

Why can you not show some compassion to someone you care about? It’s a small adjustment to make with minimal impact on you? Why would you not want to do something to make a stressful experience easier for him? Do you know anything about autism? Do you know anything about how distressing it can be for someone with autism to travel? Yes, it’s not your responsibility to manage his autism but I would hope that you have the capacity and empathy to look beyond what’s your responsibility and show some care because you are able to help a fellow human being.

💯

A voice of reason.

My initial reaction is that it's not a big deal but I do understand what you're saying about always having to change your preference to manage his anxiety. Do you not have anything that you feel strongly about where he compromises or goes with your choice? DH needs to be at the airport early (at least 3 hours but preferably stay at an airport hotel the night before) and so I go with that. I am anxious about parking so DH will either drive if it's somewhere new or if I'm going on my own he will help me figure out the best parking options. DH likes to go to bed at 10 weekdays and I like to go to bed together so I go up when he does (would otherwise happily stay up a bit) and I like to make the decisions on holidays (where to eat etc) so he's quite happy to let me do that. It doesn't always work to compromise for each one but, wherever possible, you should strive for both to be comfortable. If you don't like crowds, the compromise could be to go to the airport early but book a lounge or get a nice meal in one of the more quiet restaurants once you're through security.

His disability is causing a problem in her life.

She is allowed to decide he's not the partner she wants because of that, and other people are allowed to suggest this is a barrier to a happy relationship and she should reconsider their compatibility.

What you're suggesting is that people are obliged to overlook any issues caused by a disability and keep on working on a relationship if the other person has a disability.

Where does that end? Stay with an addict or an alcoholic "because disease"? Stay with someone who has psychotic episodes involving rage or violence? Stay with someone who is so severely agorophobic and delusional that nobody in the family can leave the house?

Leave enough slack time for

• Picking up one of the kids' passports instead of yours
• Road closures due to accident en route to the airport
• Finding out you booked the wrong dates at the long stay car park
• Going to the wrong terminal
• Being overweight cabin luggage allowance and having to queue 45 minutes at customer services to upgrade it
• Being given someone else's boarding pass at checkout
• Leaving a bottle of water in your hand luggage and having to wait 30 minutes in a queue to get your stuff bomb swabbed

All of which have happened to someone I know (me).

No, you didn’t you said ‘If this is too much flipping effort, then do him a favour and end it so he can find someone who genuinely cares. He can do better.’

Sounds like your reading comp needs work.

Well do as you please then.

I always get there a minimum of 3 hours before the flight but just do what suits you.

Reading comprehension seems to be a challenge?

I am suggesting that HE might consider dumping her because HE can do better. Ie the opposite of your comment. 🤦🏽‍♀️

So OP is unreasonable to complain about his tone because when she does it sounds like she has a tone? Right

Does my being a woman with ASD interfere with your agenda?

No, does me being a woman with ADHD interfere with yours?

Nothing to do with OP being a woman. My comment was with reference to the language used about someone with ASD.

OP did complain about the "tone" used by her bf when he said he was doing this and she could do what she wanted. So yes, her comments on here about ASD have a "tone".

Does my being a woman with ASD interfere with your agenda?

And yet when I suggested she end it you called me ableist. Make your mind up

Book one of the nice lounges and think of it as the start od your holiday

Book the lounge then so you have a nice spot to relax in

She has already said she doesn’t like being in crowed places for too long. Her needs are important too.

Tell me you know nothing about autism without telling me you know nothing about autism.

Yes, if you are the partner of someone like OP’s then you ‘pander’ to (ie make compassionate and considerate allowances for) someone you love. If this is too much flipping effort, then do him a favour and end it so he can find someone who genuinely cares. He can do better.

Pay for lounge and enjoy.

The answer to this is, will getting there a whole 60 minutes before you really want to get there cause you to feel anxious? Or will it just annoy you a little bit?

💯

Women can dump a man for any reason they want, including OP who feels she is the one making all the compromises in this relationship.

Men are not owed relationships or sex or time or caring from women.

You’re inching into incel territory.

I think getting lounge access sounds a great solution for all.

Edit - if it appeals to you obviously, not if it doesn’t.

To add to my earlier post- I understand it’s about the airport but it’s not about the airport. You don’t want to live all your life on someone else’s terms (autistic or not) and that’s fair. You have to decide for yourself if this kind of anxiety works for you or not in the long term and act on that.

Only thing I would say from your posts is would your DP constantly be messaging you asking are you here yet?

My friends trust each other that they will be at the gate on time but I expect from what you have said your DP won’t be as laid back and so would stress you out anyway

That's up to him to deal with.

Her role in his life isn't to manage his anxiety for him by pandering to unrealistic fears.