Who is being unreasonable here...

I think she was BU and she sounds very much lacking in empathy. You feeling agitated sounds entirely reasonable given the circumstances. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time and hope you had a chance to relax a bit despite the worries and the regimented timing (enforced bed time at 9 is excessive!).

Well that's because the expectation of a yoga retreat is quite literally to switch your mind off and mentally relax. Like someone else said, clearly the totally wrong activity to have chosen. Definitely do something with much less specific expectations next time.

You said in your original post she seemed irritated at your agitation, so clearly she was aware of your mental state even if you were trying to internalise it, it was clearly obvious to her. If you are trying to meditate, or be meditative over a few days, if you are sat next to someone you know is agitated it's quite stressful and will definitely impact on your own experience, relaxation and mental state. which would have been irritating.

It was just the wrong choice of activity. Hopefully you'll find a mutually better one next time.

YABU.

Neither unreasonable, both in very different head spaces. It's a world of difference coming to an event as a married supported person with three kids at home with their father and as a lone unsupported parent with three kids in different places and you being the only point of contact should anything go wrong.

I think if anyone is being unreasonable it's you being too hard on yourself and expecting not to feel like your mind was elswehere, and not being able to switch off entirely immediately.

I've had to come away from friends as life has rolled on because we were no longer aligned, and that's okay. That's life, we all change.

Go for a cocktail next time.

Neither of you.
Your behaviour was completely understandable but so was hers.
She wanted a chilled out time and your anxiety impacted that, nobody is at fault

You say it didn’t affect her personally - but it did. You were on a Yoga retreat which is about peacefulness and calm and you were stressed* *and agitated about your kids which would impact on the mood. And you felt upset because she wasn’t sympathetic to your stress as your kids were missing you - but in reality there nothing life threatening with the kids.

In future might be better if you choose something less intense as an experience as you both respond differently to being away from your families - both for valid reasons.

My friend is very anal about times, activities, plans. I am not as I do not have that luxury.and frankly I don't live by a clock .

You are VU here. If i have booked a retreat with activities, for sure i want to be doing those, not as acting as unpaid support human for a friend who is stressed.

If you are time poor, btw, "being anal" about a schedule would do you the world of good, OP.

It is actually extremely stressful being with someone who is very anxious and stressy themselves, whether you had reasonable justification to be or not, Anxious stressful people make those around them anxious and stressed!

She needed to be more understanding but I'm ot sure you realise your impact on her or as someone else said, you might not know what stresses she may have in her life and she may have needed a relaxing weekend too.

Well, you feel how you feel, but I’d certainly be monumentally irritated if, barring unforeseen emergencies, the friend I’d gone on a yoga retreat with was wrecking my head being ‘agitated’. Maybe try a lower stakes, less expensive meeting next time — if you are regularly stressed and anxious, this was a poor choice of activity to meet a friend at, and it clearly didn’t work for either of you.

Your friend could have been a lot more understanding and helped you with being less anxious about your kids, assuming they were safe, being a bit upset for being away from you isn't going to harm them, they'll survive a weekend without you even if they're upset and stressed, you obviously need a break. But I also imagine it's irritating being on a retreat with someone who is not present and fretting about things that probably didn't need too much fretting.

You sound like polar opposites of each other so it's probably hard to see things from each other perspective but perhaps if she tried to put herself in your shoes and if you tried to adopt some of her time management skills your life would be easier and she would have been kinder.

She was possibly hoping this weekend would be good for you and felt you weren't fully embracing it and was irritated on your behalf.

She's the more unreasonable one I'd say but, it possibly would have done you the world of good to be more like her for the weekend.

Sorry you're having a stressful time.

Nobody is being unreasonable. Or more so than the other.

having a husband, even a hands on one, doesn’t mean a stress free life. Being solo and having a kid with autism dies t mean you monopolise stress and worry.

you both lack understanding, which is reasonable given you don’t walk in each others shoes.

i would be annoyed if my restful yoga retreat was made stressful, but I wouldn’t blame you for worrying about your children

Naturally you're going to be anxious in that situation. If you could just switch off and enter relaxed mode, we'd all do it.