To be unsure if daughter's emotional reaction was normal for her age

I would have been equally upset, but would have held it inside because I know it wouldn't have made any difference, or that I would be massively criticised/punished for making a fuss.

So maybe it is more healthy that she felt safe enough to externalise her feelings to you.

I don't think you can go off one example. All kids have off days and huge tantrums about nothing occasionally (eg when tired, worried about something else, coming down with an illness). If she is like this often then I'd be concerned that something more could be going on but as a one off I wouldn't

It could be either but to me it sounds more asd related (I have dd and ds asd) if it is not in her nature to atypicaly get this upset over minor things the pattern may have been the change to plan which is why solutions other then the plan weren't helping. In my dd if anything changes she becomes distressed( this includes the horrid things like changed/cancelled tests/ dentists/ hair wash ( which she hates )

Same for my 23 yr old dd with autism.
She definitely would have reacted similarly to OP's dd when she was 7.
She would be absolutely heartbroken over things we thought were small and insignificant but to her she felt it so so deeply.

Could be either. Both my NT and ND child might have been upset about that at that age.

But I think the thing that stands out for me is she stopped once she’d got the money and the treat was now reinstated. My autistic DC wouldn’t have been placated by that once he’d got himself upset - if he was melting down over something then there would be nothing I could give him that would help, including whatever it was he’d got upset by in the first place. My NT child would be upset, but they’d have stopped if I’d reinstated the snack or offered them something really desirable instead.

It's hard to tell as I think it could be either. But I think most NT children can definitely have moments like this. Kids don't have the same perspective as adults. They have totally different priorities to adults too. To a young kid, their weekly 'treat' snack might be a key highlight of their week and so they get what seems disproportionately upset if something scuppers that.

That would be completely normal for my DD17 who is autistic when she was that age,thankfully she's so much better at dealing with change now and she went to a mainstream school,managed to pass her exams and is now at College.

So even with being neuro diverse things can get better OP so try not to worry to much and well done for how you handled it,a meltdown is hard enough to deal with on it's own without other parents staring and an upset toddler to deal with as well.

Many children would be disappointed, especially if it was something they had imagined doing with friends etc. Add in Friday, tiredness and it's not hard to see why a seven year old would kick off.

What maybe significant here though is that you weren't able to move the child on, OP. Often by 7, they begin to be rational enough to understand that the purse isn't available and able to accept your alternative solution, if grudgingly.

If you are already seeing some neurodiverse traits this could be part of that picture. Equally, part of assessment is to consider alternative diagnosis so no single episode is definitive.

What I would perhaps suggest is looking online at strategies from ND charities and seeing if they help. Even if a diagnosis is agreed, you need to find the approaches that work for your child.

Child Dependant I think. My 8 year old can still get herself into such a state that she “loses” herself. It can be over something pretty innocuous, but once it starts we just have to wait for it to pass. She does have some sensory issues, but I’m pretty sure she is NT.

Maybe have some coins in both cars too, just in case.

My NT 7 year old would be disappointed, and would let it be known, but she wouldn't have a meltdown.

My ND 6 year old would absolutely have a meltdown.

I know nothing about SEN but I know I’ve witnessed some spectacular melt downs from DDs yr2 friends in the last week. It seems like back to school tiredness has really got on top of a lot of them.

My dd is younger. But she would be ok with the situation you have described maybe 4 times out of 5. And every now and again she would have the kind of meltdown that you described. Their resilience is still pretty limited so anything else going on (bad night’s sleep/ nervousness about a class they don’t like/ uncomfortable shoes etc) can mean that coping when things go wrong become very difficult. That’s if NT. And I guess it’s harder for a child to self regulate if they are ND.

To add to that I am autistic and even still now at the big age of 33 I struggle with things like this, like for example if I was going to get a particular snack,that I always have on the weekend and the shop didn't have any I would get really overwhelmed and couldn't pick a different snack (even if it was one I liked better) and it throws my whole day off. I think it's something to do with quite rigid thinking and a difficulty with flexibility

Could be typical but if you suspect ASD I'd say it's also very typical of an autistic child, because she was expecting something to be a certain way and then it was different. It's not so much a "tantrum" over not having the money as much as a reaction to the idea she had of how the day would be in her head being changed.

DD was like that at that age tbh. It wouldn't actually be to do with snack but the change in agreement. Happy to say she grew out of it all a year or so later.

Too late now but I knew my child and what would have caused something like that to kick off so if I couldn't have found the money in the house I would have asked another parent, neighbour for the coin (can't imagine it's much) and paid them back later or asked in the office if they could see she got a snack and would settle up with them at home time, which would have been no problem at all in our school but appreciate might not be the case in others.

I’m wondering if this is less to do with the snack and more to do with the fact she was meant to be doing it with her friend. Is it a solid friendship or is she maybe trying really hard to do what the friend wants and is worried if she can’t/won’t the friendship will be lost? Aged 7/8 is so tricky for girl friendships and is a really stressful part of school to navigate.

The thing op that sticks out most to me was the fact she continued it on arrival at school.

My NT Dc can have strops in private but they tend to dry up promptly once third parties are in the vicinity. Doesn’t mean I might not get shot a parting filthy look for good measure! But generally speaking by that age they would care more about being seen having a tantrum at school than about the snack. Though I guess she calmed for the teacher so🤷🏻‍♀️ . But the arrival tantrum with parents watching seems to me a little atypical for a child of 7. The bit at home less so!

None of mine at 7 would have reacted like your DD but DD1’s best friend at school would have and did so very often. Over that type of situation. She had many really nice characteristics, was bright and kind natured and has never been assessed for ASD. She is now a primary school teacher. She “grew out” of the behaviour by the time she went to secondary school. It really is child dependant. Might be an indicator of ASD, but it really might not be.

Absolutely normal for a girl with autism. My DD was like this when her 'treats routine' was disrupted. She still struggles now even though she's 30 and her adult brain knows she's being ridiculous.

A ND child is more likely to have a deeper, longer lasting reaction to a trigger than a NT child. They are less likely to be appeased by an alternative solution leading to similar outcome (e.g. offering a different snack)

The disruption of the routine tends to be the sticking point which the alternative doesn't fully address; e.g. the process of buying a particular snack rather than just having a pleasant food avaliable.

At 7, DS1's "tantrums" hadn't developed significantly since he was a toddler. We'd have quieter and more intense phases, and it was an intense phase that led to me getting him referred. When I started focusing on all his character traits/ stengths/ difficulties, lots of links started forming and there was enough for the GP to take seriously.

And to be fair to children, if they didn’t let things like a cake from the shop matter to them greatly, the flip side is they would be much harder to please and delight.

A child who needs a major disappointment we might relate to - such as a house sale falling through - to get bitterly disappointed probably also requires something much greater to get excited about ( like a house purchase!) It’s part of being a child that small things loom large.

And yes to it being Friday adding to the issue. She'll likely be masking in school and be emotionally/socially exhausted at the end of the week.

Is it a combination of being 7 (I hated this age with both of mine), a Friday, end of the week, expectations not being met and just... big feelings?

Sometimes it DOES just all get too much - we forget our children are little, they don't have much experience of the world and they're just not very robust yet.

Not a good start to the morning, hope pick up goes better OP!