To think that children shouldn’t be forced to attend birthday parties they don’t want to?

Totally agree !!

while my mum didn’t always insist I went to a party she guilted me if I didn’t go !

You can't think of any good reasons why they wouldn't want to go? What about if the party child isn't nice to them, if they're violent and your child is scared of them, if they just don't like them? I would never force my DC to socialise with someone who they don't like or isn't nice to them.

Can't say there has EVER been a party my kid didn't want to go to! Can't imagine what you describe happens very often.

I’ve only read about people on here doing it.

If my child says yes to be a party then they can’t decline for a better offer but they are free to say no. Many parties are whole class parties so my child got an invitation for being in the class rather than because they are friends with the birthday child.

DD always used to say she didn't want to go when she was little, because new situations made her feel anxious. Within 5 minutes of getting there she'd be barrelling round with her friends having a great time.

Sometimes kids need a push to go do something they'll enjoy when they get there.

I agree with this. Always centring yourself for no good reason - ‘ I don’t feel like going’ - may well have consequences that your average primary school child doesn’t think about. Mine once said he didn’t feel like going. I said ‘what if others say that and few turn up? And then how will you feel if lots don’t come to yours? Have a think about that.’ That was all it took.

On the other hand, if the child had been picking on him and he did not like the child, then I would have politely declined the invite in the first place. Mine were not allowed to be flaky. If they were initially keen to go and we accepted the invite, and then they couldn’t be bothered, and were not ill, they went.

Ds2 is autistic (although we didn't know that in the days of whole class parties). He hated disco's with a passion and after 1 where he had to be carried out then I politely declined. He would go to the soft play and bowling ones.

Like others have said, I teach my children to honour commitments they’ve made. They have the option to say no when we receive the invite. Once they’ve accepted, there is an expectation they will attend unless unwell. This applies for everything, not just parties.

I also am yet to experience resistance with attending parties though - they are the ones who want me to be superwoman and be in multiple places at once to facilitate them being there!

Some parents give very little notice so DD can be busy, or they give sufficient notice but she has a planned day out elsewhere with tickets already purchased.

Though there has been a couple of parties she has not gone to recently because she simply didn't want to go. One she looked ill and was actually ill towards the end of the day, while the other was just a simply "No I'm not going".

How do people have time to go to every one they are invited too? Do people never do other things rather than going to all class parties?

My DD has children she likes and dislikes. Some of the children she likes aren't popular in her class and vice versa. So if she doesn't want to go to a party I don't force her to as it is likely the kids she dislikes have plenty of children attending.

💯

Mine are given the choice when I reply to the invite, but once we've accepted the invitation, they go, even if the didn't fancy it on the day.

I always ask my kids when they get an invite if they want to go, it's their choice. And it's an invitation, not a summons. I treat it the same way as if I got an invite.

@Maria1979 My son will say he doesn't want to go to so-and-so's party because of XYZ, and that's fine. Why force friendships that aren't there?

ETA: We never bail, we always say from the off that we are 'busy'.

If it's something they'll inevitably hate by someone they're not particularly close to then the time for that decision is at replying.

If you've said they're going and it's a last minute wobble, it's normally worth seeing that commitment through.

Bailing on anything at the last moment without a substantial reason is not a good habit to encourage.
Often children can be reluctant and in 5 minutes mellow then get involved and forget their original reticence.

Did you name change to ask this seemingly innocuous question OP? It seems an odd thing to name change for.

I have never experienced a child not wanting to go to a birthday party. IME sometimes they can’t go to a party because we have other plans and my child will pressure ME to take them to the party instead!

• I also have no experience of forcing a child to attend a party 🥳

If you accept an invitation then you should go.

If you don't attend parties, you can't expect others to attend yours.

Children should be encouraged to think of others - 'how would you feel if * didn't come to your party?'

When I was young, I went to a whole class party and only 6 children turned up. I felt to bad about it and it was so sad at the time, although the group of us ended up having a lot of fun. We always ensure we attend parties to make it a special day for the birthday child.

Ofcourse they shouldn't ! But tbh I've yet to hear about a child not wanting to go to a party🤔

Nah, I don’t reckon fun needs enforcing. We get invited to so many. In particular there is a gender split when you get to year 2 and many of the boys and girls have solo gender parties. For example a football party isn’t something my DD would want to take part in. Shame tbh as they are mostly drop offs these days.

I've never known DD to not want to go to a party she's been invited to, that's quite unusual isn't it? Surely most kids are excited to go to parties

Once I’ve accepted the invite, we go. But I’d decline an invite asap if dc didn’t want to go

I think that’s pretty simple!

I always ask dd (7) before accepting but once we have accepted I would insist that she goes unless there is a very good reason not to.

Also, if it is a good friend of hers I would strongly encourage her to go as well so the other child is not disappointed unless again she has a good reason for not wanting to go. I don't think there is anything wrong in teaching children that sometimes it is ok to do things thst you don't necessarily love for the sake of others. (And similarly also teaching that sometimes it is necessary to say no or to put yourself first).