Is DH taking the piss occasionally going away over night outs?

Hmmm. before you had the baby....before you even MADE the baby did you talk about this stuff or did you both just assume? I am not sure why you aren't going on the family or skiing holidays. I know a couple of families where not all of them ski and the non skiiers do other things and have a thoroughly good time. Think about what you'd do if you HAD to be parted from the baby. Loads of stuff for you to consider.....I voted YABU because you don't seem to have considered any of it, just decided it needs to be your way.

So if a mum went off 4 times a year she would be judged for being a bad mother?

This!!!

Did he want a baby?

Good post.

It's fine, but only if you're getting the same to yourself.

I do agree with others I would plan some nice things with friends etc for you. Firstly it would help you feel less resentful and secondly it would help him appreciate it's tough flying solo. And thirdly it's good to have some stuff just for you where you get to be yourself.

I don't think spending the night away 4 times a year is too much or going on an annual holiday for few days that you don't want to attend. All this is obviously assuming that he is willing to look after the child himself when you do the same.

By the sounds of things, he may not be willing to step up and look after their child on his own, unfortunately we cannot assume this is an option based on his current behaviour. Four weekends away in a year to simply drink with his mates when their child is still so young is a lot and says a lot about his priorities.

Was this discussed before you had the baby?

We go on separate weekends away for special occasions ie stag dos etc and I usually do one with friends a year. But we would think 4 was a bit much (although obviously finances are also a factor)

We do holidays as a family

Occasional nights away are fine, but you should treat yourself to occasional time away too so you're not resenting him.

Also even if you don't like skiing you could still go and spend the time with them when they aren't skiing

I think it's fine, but that's because me and DH both do this a few times a year. I think it's essential that parents can maintain their separate interests, friendship groups etc. The thought of only socialising and doing things with my family unit makes me feel extremely stressed and suffocated. I'm a person in my own right with my own friends and own interests. I think it's very harmful if a person loses all this once they have kids. It's like losing who you are.
However, it has to be fair! I'd be very resentful if DH was doing this and I wasn't. OP I highly recommend you start planning some nice things with your friends and family. You don't want to lose yourself in motherhood.

You could have a night or two away if you wasn't there she'd have to let him comfort her as she wouldn't have anyone else there. She would know you weren't there and it would help them bond a bit.
That's wouldn't stop me, she's not a newborn .
You need to start leaving him to his own devices a few times a year and let him cope.

Perhaps OP actually thought that when their baby was born BOTH of them would be prioritising their child and their life together as a family. Not competing to see who could maintain their social life as it was before they were parents.

People's priorities normally change when a child is born. Op's obviously has. Her DH's hasn't.

But you could go away an equal amount, no reason not to? You sound like a bit of a martyr. He absolutely could settle the baby, and actually it would be better if you did go away for a night so he has to do it. I did a night away early on, it was hard but it was so beneficial for me knowing everything was fine, and my DH being confident. He’s as much a parent as you are. It’s weird you’re not going on the family holiday/

You can go away.
Try one night
Baby will be fine
When you not there her dad will learn to manage

The occasional night away is fine - DH and I both do this - but it does sound like he's taking the piss in terms of the frequency.

Why? The op has the choice but chooses not too

The resentment will corrode, needs dealing with. Never are the differences between the sexes - biological and social - more stark than the early years. I would say

1. Be clear how you feel, and don't apologise for feeling it
2. Do say that you can understand it might seem like you don't want him to have nice things, and that is not your intention.
3. Come up with some concrete ideas for how you can rebalance things (a budget each, some weekends where he does almost everything but you still are there for your baby, a sense that you are a team, that you are parents now, how you will split responsibilities fairly (read wifework if you can, it's eye opening)
4. Be willing to compromise, if he does
5. Don't back track on the principal and agree to review

Probably, rightfully, expected this to change once the baby was born.

But it’s your choice not to go skiing, on the family holiday, to not have time away yourself and not let him settle the baby overnight. I think you’re actually creating a problem by not letting him crack on with it and settle her, even if it takes longer, even if there’s some initial upset. Now if he won’t get up to try to settle the baby overnight, and would refuse to step up if you said you were taking a ‘girls trip’ that’s a separate issue. But 1-2 nights away with mates 4 times a year isn’t excessive at all. DH and I usually do a week each and have done since the kids were babies, which over the course of a year is probably about the same as your DH, he’s just doing several short trips rather than 1 longer one.

Why can't you go on the family holiday with his parents and sibling? I don't understand this at all 🤷‍♀️

The rest of it...no issues. You are martyring yourself here and it's not attractive. Of course you can leave your child overnight with their father!! Get a grip.

It's more than that - 4 weekends away PLUS a 4 or more day ski trip PLUS a week away with family (why not bring his dw?)
That is a lot and doesn't really suggest a man who is very engaged with or bothered about his time with his own wife and child.
He can go off knowing the child will barely miss him. If OP goes she knows her child will be upset and she actually cares about that.
I would still think it worth trying a night or two away OP - would be interesting to see how keen your dh is to repeat the experience.

DH does this, but I don’t mind because I also do this (and did before we had a baby). I also take DS away (skiing) without DH (I love skiing, DS loves skiing, DH hates it), and go away with my DM and DS fairly often.

If you think this is the start of both of you getting opportunities to do things independently, I would be fine accepting him being the only one going away for the first year as long as you think you’ll be able to do the same when you are ready to.

If this is the start of him leaving you holding the baby while he swans off doing whatever he likes, put your foot down.