Is DH taking the piss occasionally going away over night outs?

OP hasn't said any of that though.

Each to their own I suppose.

Spending weekends away getting pissed with your pals when you have a wee baby at home isn't my idea of being an invested loving parent.

Why have a baby at all if your pals and booze are more important to you than parenting your child?

But SHE COULD take time to socialize IF SHE CHOSE. And exactly how is the partner have weekends away etc being harmful to the child? You said put the child "before" his social life, so actually how it's it missing out?

I brought.up 2 of my kids totally alone actually. Their DF was in the forces and living in army accomodation. So not with me. And TBH he was rarely around so I hardly think I was taking the piss out of him My social life was restricted and I was pretty resentful about that . Luckily my mum and his looked after the kids once a month and I paid babysitters as well so I could go out.

Not sure how doing something for myself means I didn't care about the kids though

Feel you are missing the point - ie he is not going away on business so you make a moot point

I'd be asking him does he actually WANT to be in a relationship as he is acting like he is still single

The going away for the one nights isnt the issue - it is

1 - Are you doing / able to do the same - does he take the baby so you can relax or persue hobbies - if not hes taking the absolute piss
2 - Why are you not invited on the holidays with his family? etc
3 - This man sounds to be like he may be having an affair

He is acting like a single man and a very immature one going on hols with his parents and sibling and no one seems to have issue with this

At the very least he is acting very immature and this is not a good look for a grown man!

I read the OP as 17,days, which according to my calcs is 0.04%. and even if one day a month that's tiny. You do know some parents have to travel more than that for regular jobs.

Children grow quickly and under plenty in my son's class of ten years of age saying mum has no friends, very sad.

Have a night away, you baby will survive and it will do him good to deal with it. X

It isn't 0.04% is it? I think it's 4% - 1 in 25 days approx.

but hang on......"baby won't accept comfort from him" "Dad expects baby to cry it out and not offer comfort" It can't be both so which is it?

This post is bang on. Great advice !!

He went away 4 times for max 2 nights, that's 8 nights, plus the 4 he is planning is 12 nights out of 365! That wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I didn't ever add them up but I'd imagine I was away from my baby 12 nights in the first year.

I would be pissed off about the week long trip with his family though?

Well it would be interesting to hear your partner's take on this: presumably you just left them to do the parenting while you enjoyed yourself?Children do restrict people's lives. Or they do when parents actually care about their children and their partners.

It's not a question of OP, or any woman, "telling " their partner they can't go away. If he is too stupid to realise being a father involves putting his child before his own social life then yes, he should have used condoms.

It is his child just as much as OP's. Both of them should be putting the child first and working as a partnership.

Of course both he and OP deserve a social life. But why should his social life revolve around going off for weekends at a time to get drunk, and whatever else he gets up to, with his male pals leaving OP to look after his child when she is not getting time to socialise herself. There are alternative ways to socialise which are compatible with having the responsibility of a baby.

I initially thought you sounded like a martyr : I can't stay away one night. But, Your last post changes things, there are clearly bigger issues here.

Why would it affect your parenting the rest of the time if the child is cared for though?

He thinks the child is not sentient and isn’t bothered to have a relationship with her. He acts like his own child is a puppy OP begged for and needs to train. He can go away as much as he likes because puppy isn’t his pet.

Well it's the "have to" bit which matters isn't it. Most people feel they have to because they understand about treating their partner fairly and prioritising the needs of their kids. I don't HAVE to stop getting drunk every Friday and Saturday night, sleeping in til midday and having week long girls holidays three times a year, but it wouldn't make me a very good Mom or wife

OP I hear that you’re frustrated by being ‘left with the baby’ but the amount he is away doesn’t seem particularly unreasonable (apart from the family holiday without you - that’s weird)

He is just as capable of being a parent as you are - he hasn’t had as much practice. You must create space where he’s in charge and you don’t rush in to take over. He might settle the baby differently to you - but as long as your baby is safe and responded too then you need to let him figure it out.

what do you need to not feel resentful? A night away with a friend? A night by yourself in a hotel room with no distractions?

what weekend time are you carving out for yourself? Can you sign up for park run? Some sort of craft class? A regular couple of hours reading your book in a cafe - whatever gets you some recharge time.

this isn’t going to fix itself by you shutting him off from his time out. It needs you to establish some balance. In an ideal world he would be attentive to this and encouraging you - but you need to insist or it will get worse.

or do you need to feel like he prioritises and invests in spending quality time with you? Date nights? Maybe activities / cooking at home if you don’t have family or helpful friends near by.

Your recharge time is essential to you being a happy parent - and you working out a way to nix the sense of resentment is essential to you staying happily married

you got this!

Wonder if she actually told him before getting pregnant that she expects him not to go away a d restrict his life? And she would choose to " change" and moan at him for being the same as before

He may have been using condoms pretty sharpish if that was the case

I certainly didn't change my attitude and want to be sat indoors constantly with a kid. Nor did I want to go to kid oriented places. Possibly why now mine have grown I still have a good circle of friends still.

He IS responsible for her not wanting to because he's a shit Dad and she isn't safe with him if he's going to ignore her crying all night and he won't check if she's ill etc.

Lol I wouldn't say all women were ecstatic at that either

You say
"I could never have a night away because she refuses to let him comfort her over night when she wakes up. And also, I don't want to be away from her for many nights on end, I find it odd he is okay with that."
Your husband obviously IS ok to go away and leave her safely with her mum. If he trusts you as a mum, then there is no reason why he shouldn't do this. He should be willing to allow you to do the same, but he is not responsible for you not wanting to.

'My problem is a lack of trust because his stance is "she must be sleep trained" and he doesn't check of she's feeling unwell, too hot/cold, or has a dirty nappy, or is teething and needs painkillers. He just assumes she should sleep through the night and wants to do the cry it out method, I worry he'd do that when I'm not around.'

OMG - that's appalling. That's neglect. He doesn't see her as a human being.

But why should you change things you enjoy when a baby comes along if you don't have to

Husband has forgotten / not realised he is no longer single and is now part of a partnership, and he has totally forgotten he is 50% of the child's parents. and thus he has a family now

However you do need to let him care for the baby and settle the baby - ' I could never have a night away because she refuses to let him comfort her over night when she wakes up. '

The child would have to settle if you were in hospital etc.

and ' I don't want to be away from her for many nights on end, I find it odd he is okay with that. '
he didn't carry her for 9 months, nor give birth to her.