Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

Omg that's so bizarre.

Click on the answer you wanted and it changes.

Good for you for sending that op, your sister is a total bitch and her friend is worse. How dare they blame you. OF course you shouldn't have to stop going, either they should supervise their children or stop going.

Tell them to report it. Cos they’ll get in trouble.

They seem horrible. Both your sister and the friend.

They saw you were going to this club and clearly latched on to it, thinking “oooh free child care”.
clearly convinced themselves in their mind they were entitled to it “well she’s playing with her own children so much be happy to look after all and sundry”.

Does this “cig” involve taking drinks outside, and standing chatting with others by any chance
Theyre so unreasonable is unbelievable.

Your response sounds a good one though, well done.

Presumably people at this social club know you a lot better than them?

What leader? This a social club for adults!

Is the onus not on the parent to check their child is in safe hands? It's a bit like consent isn't it. Don't make assumptions.

It's still not OP's responsibility or fault.

It's sad for the child of course.

As a mother I worried about everyone's children. We happened to be going on holiday just after Madeleine was taken. At the resort guess who was the mug in the play park in the dark with a coffee watching strange children while their parents enjoyed the bar.

As a grandparent I've been to birthday parties in public spaces. I'll watch our five, but not the rest of them .

Just tell her you're not able to watch her when she goes off

Please keep us updated with their response.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

This is absolute bullshit. Don't fall for their emotional blackmail, OP.

I'd be pointing out that if they did contact SS the Mother is likely to be reminded that it's her responsibility to ensure someone is watching her child in her absence - swanning off for 20 minutes with no instruction is NOT IT!

I'd be telling them both to feck right off and never rely on you for assistance with their kids again.

As an aside, a family member tried this on me, once. She was visiting with a child her parents foster and decided to go out for a fag (coincidence or nah?!) and left the back door open while I was upstairs with her Mum (my Aunt) and my DS. Our house is big so I had no idea she'd gone out. Apparently she'd had to pop round to the front of the house to get a lighter out of her car and when she came back to the garden the child had left the house and was standing at the edge of one of our ponds (the exact reason we don't leave doors open in our house - which she full well knew). She had the audacity to go in on me about it and wasn't at all happy when I laid responsibility straight back on her.

Of course, the story she tells is somewhat different and paints her as the innocent party, but she and her Mother know the truth.

Don't be gaslit by people like that, OP. Tell her to where to go.

Gosh they sound horrible. A bit skanky!

So the OP should have read the mothers mind and that ‘I am going out for fag’ actually means ‘I am going out for half an hour me time, my DC is 8 but you will still need to keep an eye on her for me because she doesn’t always make the best decisions. So although we are not friends and we never agreed that you would offer childcare, I’m assuming you will do it, at the drop of a hat, just by me mentioning a fag break.’

So ‘I am going out for a fag’
‘I am sorry, I can’t watch your DC for you’

It wouldn’t make any sense.

Good for you OP.

The other mum is an entitled sponge and your sister is being a twit - why is she siding with this friend instead of defending you?!

No, it wasn’t. OP isn’t responsible for the child, and she never accepted responsibility. The mistake of the mother was in assuming, but that isn’t something OP was obliged to step in to either correct, or accept responsibility for watching the child.

@Butnothingsclear She’s not a stranger though, it’s her sisters friend. A stranger would be someone you don’t know the name of, and have no idea who’s watching the child. But OP knew the child and knew that no one was watching them so it’s completely different.

Even if she was watching the child more closely, it’s likely that the accident still would have happened. Kids hurt themselves all the time. My main reasons for watching the child would have been safeguarding I.e. she goes to the toilet and is gone a long time, leaves the building, leaves with a stranger etc. Also, if I didn’t feel up for keeping an eye on her I would’ve said something to the mum like ‘oh I’ve got my hands full I can’t watch over so and so.’

It wasn’t her responsibility to make it clear she wasn’t going to watch the child, it was the mother’s responsibility to not assume. It’s 100% on the mother.

She didn’t let down a child she was never responsible for or had a duty of care towards. That the child got injured is unfortunate, but that’s not OP’s fault.

No she didn’t ask but it was implied so it was then (wrongly) down to OP to ask the mum to take her daughter outside while they had their cigarette.

OP knew they were going, knew they had form for leaving her to watch the child and chose not to say that she wouldn’t be able to keep an eye on the child.

OP should not have been put in that situation but she didn’t handle it well either.

I’d say ‘You’ll report me to SS? Okey doke! The child is a fucking stranger to me you morons. When they ask me what happened I’ll tell them her mother had left to have a fag, which she does at 30 minute intervals. I go to the club with MY children and I watch MY children.’

So Is the mother concerned about her child's welfare and recovery? Or just worried about social services?

Because although parents worry - understandably - Social Services aren't normally too concerned about parents whose eights year olds have a one off accident.

I was also thinking that.

It's probably a couple of hrs & can't do without a "cig"

Sounds more as if it's to dump the kid & have a catch up!

You’d look after a strangers child even if unasked to do so? And if they moved into an area away from your own child who is involved in an activity? Your own child who does need your supervision?

I think you're text was great and you stood your ground clearly. It's a shame your sister has chosen to back her friend but that's her decision not yours.

If I were you I would see it I can get a copy of the video from the venue as backup to avoid any issues such as oh it's been deleted etc and give you leave of mind.

Unfortunately this means lead to a strained relationship with your sister, I hope I doesn't but there's a high probability that it will.

Not sure of what the owner saw. Hadn’t clocked that. Just that they’d said about the child’s ‘wild behaviour’.

Of course safeguarding children is everyone’s business. But in this situation there wasn’t a clear risk. An 8 year old colouring at a table while her mum goes out to have a fag doesn’t immediately scream safeguarding. If I saw an 8 year old in a room of families colouring on their own I wouldn’t think twice about it. If I saw a much younger child I might.

The assumption here is that if the mother has left without setting something up then she has risk assessed it and feels her child doesn’t need close supervision. That’s on her. Not the OP.

It’s easy now there has been an accident (which do happen even with the best of parents) in retrospect to think someone could have done something. But it’s completely reasonable to assume that an 8 year old on their own at a family event with mum just outside, isn’t going to need supervising. The OP isn’t even a friend of the mother!

OP said she had her eye on the girl from a distance. Which, to be fair, is all that most 8 year olds need. It sounds like a bit of a freak accident tbh - swinging round and falling over wouldn't normally result in splitting your head open, the girl was unlucky.