Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

I think there is a big difference depending on the age of the child. I have been in A &E a fair few times and never heard anything but dc have always been 5+ and able to tell them what happened. Fell on trampoline, came off bike, slipped over at school, fell over a rock etc.

I think when they are younger it’s trickier and a judgement might need to be made on safety of home environment. I know my friend got a visit from ss when her Dd just turned 3 sort of slipped off her chair and broke her wrist. They were really nice and agreed it was just one of those things but children breaking bones at home without a solid explanation raises a red flag. I’m sure your two year old had gotten on and off the sofa many times without incident so it’s unusual. Children do break bones in unusual ways though. So it’s areal balancing act.

Gosh, really? My daughter is 13 now so this was about 5 years ago. No SS involvement. Maybe it's a bit of a postcode lottery?

Things have obviously changed in the last 20 years or so, then! My 2 year old fell off the sofa and broke her collar bone. I had SS at my door within hours of the hospital visit! She had never before, nor ever again afterwards, had to attend A&E, nor had had any involvement with SS...

never heard such bull shit in my life, her child her problem, sit else where next time,

Even if they had asked you to keep an eye, it would be impossible to keep an eye on three kids at the same time, unless they are all three playing together at the same spot. And even if you were watching her from where you were, all you could do is check she wasn't leaving the room or with a stranger. There would have been no time to pick her up from the fall and if her mother were there watching, you said before that she told her not to swing in that spot. So she would have probably told her the same and in the couple of minutes that this seems to have happened, it would have happened anyway. She's crossed that it's another thing to add to SS monitoring but it's an accident, she could have fallen in a different way and just bruised but it fell in a way that the injury was worse.

In any case, leaving for up to 30 min... What the hell were you supposed to do? Grab her and keep her with you to watch your kids? Tell her she could only play if she was with your kids? You didn't even agree to looking after her! For me, "going for a cig" means if child asks, tell her mum is back in a minute. Also that she is confident that the child is sensible, as she disappears for that long and not just the 5 min that a quick cig might take. And that if anything happens, mum will be at the designated smoking spot to be found.

The fact that no one could find them for such a long time, when I assume people would looking around frantically, means they weren't where they were supposed to be and had delegated all duties to you, just because you were there.

OP, well handled by you.
Good you keep your distance from your sister.
She has zero loyalty to you and would happily throw shade on you and your family with SS to save the arse ofca friend who is already on the SS radar.

Treat her as hostile!

That poor child, I am glad she is rightly on their radar.

The mum was aware of all this and she still didnt priortise her DD. That says it all really. If any decent mum was under SS they'd be sticking super close to their kid, doing everything by the book and making sure nothing happened that could trigger their kid going into care.

Why would you assume an 8 year old needed minding in that environment? If I said to the people I was with I'm off to grab a drink or go to the loo and they said I'm not watching your child, I'd be saying no one asked you to, if my kid wasn't fine on their own I would have asked. She isn't a toddler, at this age it's a reasonable assumption that if her mum wanders off without saying anything then her kid doesn't need minding.

You know, sometimes people need to learn a lesson and there is collateral damage, whichever way you look at this the OP was right.
If this is what it takes for the skank cigarette priortising mum to parent then so be it.

But why?

Do you let other strangers knpw you aren't looking after their children either? Or about other things ypu aren't going to do for them?

If the OP had told her she wasn't looking after the child, when she hadn't been asked to, that would mean that there was an implicit expectation that she should have.

As others have said, your child is your own responsibility. If you need someone else to watch them for a few minutes, you need to ensure you've asked them and that they have agreed. You can't just walk of and assume they will. It's not their responsibility to tell you that they're not.

That the family is already known to SS indicates that this isn't the only area of parenting where this mother is failing.

None of that is the OP's responsibility to address so why would this be?

Basically, if you don't think there was any expectation/responsibility on behalf of the OP to provide childcare, it makes no sense that you think she should also have told her that she wasn't providing that childcare.

Your update that the child is already being monitored by SS doesn’t surprise me at all, it completely explains why SS got involved so quickly. Poor child. 💐

I hope this is a wake-up call to her Mum that her child is more important than 20-minute cigarette breaks.

It wasn’t on her to make it clear that she wasn’t. The onus was on the mother to make sure the child was supervised - lack of statement from OP, someone who is in no way responsible for the child, cannot be assumed to be consent. That the mother chose to assume it did is her fuck up, nothing to do with OP who owed her not a word.

I do t think you’re understanding the nuance. It’s like we’re having parallel conversations.

I haven’t suggested at any point she should have been looking after the girl. I’m saying that she should have been clear that she wasn’t.

Again, missing my point. I am not suggesting the OP should have done anything differently except let the friend know she wasn’t keeping an eye on her daughter.

The OP was helping her own kid with an activity - she had a choice either leave her kid or go and attend to the 8 year old even though she wasn't asked.
Even if she was aware no one leaves their own kid for someone else's.

I think you’re missing my point. I’m not excusing the mum’s behaviour. I think the faux ignorance and passive aggressive response were unnecessary when the pawn in the game was an 8yo girl.

It wasn’t her responsibility to say anything to the mother. It was the responsibility of the mother to supervise her child, or make sure she was being supervised. That the mother didn’t does not mean it became OP’s responsibility. OP was busy with her own child, but tbh that’s irrelevant - she could have been sat there staring into space and she still wouldn’t have been obliged to either correct the mother’s assumptions or assume responsibility for the child.

I'm glad the little girl is okay and ss are monitoring things for her sake.

I would be putting continents of distance between you and your sister OP, she was only too happy to threaten your family with ss for no reason, that's unforgivable. She put you and your kids in the cross hairs of the authorities to save her neglectful mates neck, I couldn't forgive that easily.

The skank cigerrete smoking mum learnt a lesson.
It had to happen.

OP did nothing wrong - her own kids could have been hurt if she didn't supervise them because of some random ill behaved kid with a rubbish mother.

It makes their actions more reprehensible. Not less.

It's a very sad situation for the poor little girl, but IMO it's a good thing she is in the system and I hope she ends up properly protected. It appears her mother is struggling to do so.

Sisters friend is already under SS and being monitored. DD is at risk of going into the system.

Frankly, I'm glad SS are monitoring her. Her DD IS at risk if she regularly swans off for huge chunks of time leaving her DD alone/in unsafe situations.

It’s the mother’s fault for prioritising cigarettes over her child. Stanky wench