Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

So post - smoke she is sat at a table with her disgusting breathe near the dc? Grim parenting that....

@itsmeits that message is perfect.

It’s not your responsibility to watch someone else’s kid.

Should she be keeping an eye on every parent to see if they leave their child alone and assume responsibility for them too?

Someone leaving their child alone doesn't automatically make it someone else's responsibility to look after them.

Why were the people standing closer to the child not doing it? (Answer - it wasn't their responsibility either).

I would agree if the child was younger but at 8 you wouldn’t assume they need eyes on all the time in an otherwise safe environment. The mother deemed the environment safe enough to walk off for half an hour without thinking. That is 100% her decision.

Of course yanbu. I would just send your dsis a message along the following lines:

"If you want to refer to social services, or if x's mum wants to refer herself, that sounds like a good plan. In light of what happened to x, I do agree that their intervention might be appropriate, and I'm happy to provide any evidence to them that might help x's mum get the support that she needs to look after x more effectively going forward. As a witness, I'll be happy to confirm that x's mother regularly left x unattended for periods of around 20 mins at a time while she went for a cigarette, and that I was not aware of her having asked anyone else to watch x during those absences. I can also confirm that x had engaged in the risky behaviour that led to the accident previously, and that I had witnessed her mum telling her not to do it, so that it is clear that x's mum had some awareness of the potential risks when she left her, but obviously I'll have to explain that I didn't witness the accident itself because I was busy supervising my own dc at the time. It would be great to get SS perspective on these incidents and hopefully x's mum will be able to access some support with her parenting as a result.

Christ it’s a damn good thing SS have become involved - there will be a lot more to it than her simply hurting herself as a one off though. Most referrals to SS by a&e are only followed up with a phone call unless there’s a history of dodgy accidents and neglect so this is just a small bit of a much larger picture.

If it was a toddler yes, more robust measures needed.

But an 8 year old does not need constant supervision in an otherwise safe environment. The mother obviously felt it was a safe enough environment to step out without putting childcare provision in.

It’s not the OPs responsibility to mind any unsupervised child.

If you saw a random 8 year old playing on their own somewhere, you wouldn’t automatically be worried and check there was an adult watching them, like you would with a seemingly alone 4 year old.

So I disagree. The responsibility for the OP look out for her kid is 100% in the child’s mother’s head. It does not exist outside of that.

Going against the grain but I think yab a bit u if you knew that no one was watching the 8 year old and still left the area with your dc.

Totally not unreasonable to not want to watch someone else’s Dc but you did need to make it clear at the time and not after the child has been hurt.

i wouldn’t have done what the mum did, she’s being totally unreasonable.

but OP should have made it clear after the first time they did it that she was not going to be watching her.
No. That is a ridiculous thing to say. It was the mother's responsibility to ask EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Perfect response

Yes. It was unreasonable of them to leave the OP to look after the child without asking, but OP should have made it clear after the first time they did it that she was not going to be watching her. The mother assumed, however unreasonably, that she was.

Great text OP. What utter twats. It’s one thing to make the assumption without asking that you will look after her child, a whole other ballgame to then get angry with you when child hurts themselves. Wow.

AND if they see themselves coming WITH you, to spend time WITH YOU how rude to bugger off together for half an hour without saying something. Kids or no kids I would say something like, ‘would you be ok if we just nip out for a fag. Sorry to be rude’ and I’d be back after the two minutes it takes to smoke one.

I am seething on your behalf OP. Hope they can feel my wrath through the ether!!

Tea and cake for you ☕️ 🧁 You’ve drawn you boundary, no need for any further conversation about it. Ignore any further invitations into conflict, I bet they will come. But step away now. The only response you make is if they apologise.

They need to give up smoking. Children shouldn't have to grow up around smokers.

Just seen your reply message. Well done OP they should back of now might even stop coming.

Sorry OP I selected the wrong voting button and can't undo it 🙈. One of the 3 percent vote at the moment saying YABU was me in error. No you absolutely do not need to take responsibility for someone else's child because they want to gossip and have a fag. You are there for your children and your focus should be on them. Tell your sister to phone SW and you will explain to them that you barely know the child, most definitely didn't agree to watch the child before the mum left and where there with your own 2 children which is quite enough kids to care for on your own and you feel so sorry for the child that her mum has no concern for her safety so she ended up getting hurt because of this. I am sure reporting herself to SW is not something they had considered as the outcome. Your children were in your care at all time's you are not the one they will investigate.

Perfect response. Well done!

Love that message

I think you must have cross posted. The OP just has

I would make it very clear - in writing - that you are not responsible for her child while you are at the club and she is smoking or otherwise Send a text and screenshot if.

Yes, and get her to livestream it on here too. We could all do with a laugh.

Sorry sis, I wasn’t asked to look after your friends kid. I was looking after my own; they are who I’m responsible for. If you want to call SS on me for watching my own children then please go ahead. Your friends DD is not my responsibility

You are completely in your right to hold your defence.

i have a relative who seems to think that every time we are in an extended family group, that ‘family’ are keeping an eye on her child. She has two boys, one of whom is easy/ placid , the other is definitely not! She and her DH will always wander off at a family event and thus not be remotely keeping an eye on this one boy, it looks casual but it is a deliberate pattern!

They also take the furthest seats away from this boy when eating at a family meal. I really notice it as am on the look out for it now having been stung in the past. You have to be utterly vigilant otherwise you are dumped with the responsibility and saying ‘no don’t climb up there, leave that alone, put that stick down etc etc.’ Now that is mostly left to MIL and older grandchildren as they are the only ones who don’t actively avoid picking up the childcare slack. Once you notice the avoidance of parenting it’s hard to unsee.

and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect,
Tell her not to threaten but actually do it as you can't wait to tell SS about her part in this "neglect". She'll soon shut up.

As for your sister, tell her it's nothing to do with her as it should be between you, her friend and the SS and she is welcome to report the incident as well. She'll soon shut up too.