Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS

I can well imagine she’s freaking out if she’s been reported to SS. How badly was the child hurt?

Agree it’s her responsibility not yours though. She’s just trying to shift blame.

I reckon the Mum knows deep down she’s in the wrong and been a crap parent in this scenario, and her ridiculous response is coming from a place of guilt and defensiveness.

It is possible your sister said something to her like, “it’s fine, itsmeits will watch the kids for us” so your sister is partly responsible for what’s happened, hence why she’s kicking off.

Is the event Bingo? Walked past and never seen so many smoking women outside. 🤮

A head injury doesn't always get reported to SS. The DC obviously told the staff that no one was looking after them and the mother stinking of alcohol and fags, kicking off because others weren't watching her child, probably did it.

OP, You knew they were expecting you to be watching the DC. You admit that you were pissed off about that. You should have said explicitly that you weren't taking on the responsibility..
A kid ended up with a split head but could have ended up being sexually assaulted (the place sounds like a phoenix nights/ paedo's dream).

The mother needs a SS talking to but frankly you aren't exactly smelling of roses either. Find your voice and never let yourself be in this situation again.

Excellent response. I’d have probably added and thanks for your support sis just to be a bitch, but that’s me.

Obviously if the mother had asked you to watch her child, it would have given you the opportunity to say "no, I can't as I'm about to do this activity with my own child". She's massively deflecting as she has failed her DD!

The mother should have asked you explicitly to watch the child, but if I was in that situation, I would naturally be keeping an eye on her if I knew there was no one else watching her.

I’d agree at 8 if mum announced she was going for a cig Id assume she was happy for her Dd to be left. I take my dds 9 to a class and stay till they go in, lots of parents just drop them off at the door half an hour before it starts. They all run around and play together. I talk to them and they pet the dog type stuff. I’d help if someone was hurt and call their parent but I’m not default childcare or responsible just because in the building.

Wow, reporting an essential stranger to social services for not watching her own child? Honestly, I would invite her to call SS and they can explain what parental responsibility entails. See how impressed they are with the mum of the year who leaves her kid unattended to have a cigarette break.

Great text @itsmeits

Now will they admit their own shortcomings or double down on their twattery?
Or potentially just silently fume behind their screens knowing they don't have a leg to stand on?

You just say to your sister “the only person to blame for this is the child’s mother for leaving her unattended. At no point was I asked to supervise the child. Do not try and blame me because I’m not the one responsible”.

Ps it’s best if you either come without the children or don’t take any cigarette breaks in future because I can’t keep an eye on anyone else’s children - I’m there to spend time with my own so that’s where my focus will be.

She's effectively reporting herself for neglect, being as there was no agreement that you'd watch her child (her assumption isn't your agreement).

perfect response

I would judge anyone who smokes when they have children, let alone someone who abandons said child with a relative stranger to go and smoke. You're not in the least bit unreasonable.

Good for you op!

If another parent left their kid without asking me to watch them, I would just assume that, in the parent's judgement, the child would be OK without supervision for however long they were going to be away.

If I had concerns about that judgement, I would absolutely step in to keep the child safe, and I would then report the matter as a safeguarding concern.

I wouldn't just assume that I was somehow responible for the child by default, and it wouldn't occur to me that it was my responsibility to check whether the kids would be OK without supervision. That is the parent's job.

Well.quite. if she'd done that, the other woman is as likely to have given her a confused, "I didn't expect/wasn't asking you to look after her. She's 8. She's fine."

I wouldn't assume an announcement of a cig break was a request for help either.

Tell her your happy to speak to ss and tell them she leaves her child unattended. They are a pair of plebs.

Great message. She put her cigarette and her gossip with your sister ahead of her child's safety. She can't blame anyone else.

I agree. There was never a verbal request or agreement that OP would be responsible. So, the assumption is that the mother had deemed the situation safe enough and her DC sensible enough to step out for half an hour without saying anything. That is 100% her choice and her responsibility and nothing to do with the OP or any other adult.

If it was a much younger child then I’d see more grey area in this. But at 8 there are situations you might feel it’s safe enough to not be eyes on for short periods.

YANBU. I'd probably have said something in advance though. Like "Will the kids be okay alone?" when they announced they were going out, and then clarifying that I wouldn't be able to watch them as I'd be busy with my own children. Rather than just sort of wandering off and just leaving the child without mentioning anything - I'd personally not be comfortable with that at all. But you're not in the wrong, technically, for not watching someone's child when you weren't asked and didn't volunteer.

Just seen this. It's perfect.

I would tell your sister in very strong terms that due to the actions that both she and her mate have done over the past number of excursions out, you are no longer able to invite her along to your bonding time with your kids. She is no longer welcome to join you. You are also strongly considering reporting her mate for leaving her child unattended in a public place due to her necessity to smoke. Surely that's child endangerment too - second hand smoke remaining on her clothes etc??
Making a statement "I'm going for a smoke" or "We're going for a smoke" does not equal "I'm going for a smoke, would you keep an eye on X while I'm gone".

CF the pair of them.

I do hope the kid is doing better.

Also, the OP wasn’t asked to look after the child, at which point she could have said no. The mother, decided to leave to have a fag without setting up childcare meaning she had deemed it safe. How was the OP even supposed to know she was being asked to look after the child. The OP was there with her children and then her sisters friend has come with her sister. The friend and her child are really not anything to do with the OP. Otherwise, you could say that OP should have been keeping an eye on any children there in case a child was left alone and got hurt. The OPs only responsibility was to her own children.

If it was a much younger child I think there would have been more of a responsibility for any adult noticing them being left unsupervised to do something.