Just because I'm there doesn't mean I'm free childcare

Fundays12 · 11/10/2024 08:11

Lol I love the posters

GreyCarpet · 11/10/2024 01:07

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 20:14

I’m not saying the OP was negligent. I said, from the outset, that the mum should not have assumed OP was watching the child.

My only point of difference is that as OP knew she was expected to be watching the child, she could have made it clear that she wasn’t able to.

I’m not saying she was negligent. I’m saying she chose not to communicate.

Show quote history

I meant a responsibility to communicate and was negligent in not doing so.

RampantIvy · 10/10/2024 22:59

Brilliant!

Gymnopedie · 10/10/2024 22:55

Excellent! On all counts. Love their posters.

Silvers11 · 10/10/2024 22:36

Really glad they didn't turn up tonight OP. Glad you had a lovely evening 😊

Original poster

itsmeits · 10/10/2024 22:12

I Love this place.
They have put up several tongue in cheek posters 😂
All unaccompanied children will be.....
Feed all the sweets we have
Left in the car park tied to the fence
Flash auctioned on Ebay.
Sold to the local takeaway yummy!
Given to the lucky lucky man
Stuffed and put on the bonfire as this years guy

No sign of my sister or the mother and child. It's been a lovely evening.

OP posts:

Butnothingsclear · 10/10/2024 21:21

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 20:14

I’m not saying the OP was negligent. I said, from the outset, that the mum should not have assumed OP was watching the child.

My only point of difference is that as OP knew she was expected to be watching the child, she could have made it clear that she wasn’t able to.

I’m not saying she was negligent. I’m saying she chose not to communicate.

Show quote history

She didn’t ‘know’ though. There was nothing said. It could just as easily be the mother complaining about her interfering if she just assumed and started telling her daughter what to do/not do.

I guess, at a push you could argue that she could have asked ‘who’s watching [childs name]? But the assumption I would make is that the child is fine in their own if the parent just announced she’s popping out. It would also be quite intrusive and critical because you are questioning her decision in an implicit way. And she didn’t invite this woman, doesn’t really know her, and was there with her kids. If a loose acquaintance that happened to be at the same place as me suddenly said she was nipping put it would never occur to me to consider her childcare arrangements.

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 20:14

GreyCarpet · 10/10/2024 19:38

I'm surprised that, even though you now know there is ongoing SS involvement due to poor decision making on behalf of the child's mother, you are still asserting that the OP had some responsibility and was somehow negligent.

Edited

Show quote history

I’m not saying the OP was negligent. I said, from the outset, that the mum should not have assumed OP was watching the child.

My only point of difference is that as OP knew she was expected to be watching the child, she could have made it clear that she wasn’t able to.

I’m not saying she was negligent. I’m saying she chose not to communicate.

GreyCarpet · 10/10/2024 19:38

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 10:47

If you know the woman is taking liberties, you know she was expecting something from OP.

And please don’t call me a gaslighter. The OP asked for opinions and my opinion is that if I knew somebody was assuming I would watch their child and I couldn’t, I would say. Whether it was my responsibility or not, whether the other mum communicated badly or not. I would make myself clearly understood.

Edited

Show quote history

I'm surprised that, even though you now know there is ongoing SS involvement due to poor decision making on behalf of the child's mother, you are still asserting that the OP had some responsibility and was somehow negligent.

Mumofferal3 · 10/10/2024 18:33

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 17:58

It at all righteous. Basic common sense.

Show quote history

Common sense is not to adandon your child expecting those around you to take up that responsibility after gate crashing.

You are gaslighting by basically trying to call out the OP for looking after gate crashers daughter.

And it is righteous to say you would do 'the right thing' and make OP feel bad.

OP you did nothing wrong. You could have been watching said child and it could have still happened. Kids should be looked after by their own parents unless an agreement in situ for their absence.

Butnothingsclear · 10/10/2024 18:31

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 10:47

If you know the woman is taking liberties, you know she was expecting something from OP.

And please don’t call me a gaslighter. The OP asked for opinions and my opinion is that if I knew somebody was assuming I would watch their child and I couldn’t, I would say. Whether it was my responsibility or not, whether the other mum communicated badly or not. I would make myself clearly understood.

Edited

Show quote history

If the child was younger I’d agree to some extent but as it is the child is at an age where most could be left unsupervised in an otherwise safe environment with a parent close by.

Nothing was agreed or spoken about.

As I said before, it would be;

’I am going for fag’
’I am not watching your kid’

It makes as much sense as

‘I am going for a bath’
’I am not going to mow your lawn’

I think when they are little there is an unspoken assumption often that the group of adults will all keep a look out but most of us would still check it’s ok to nip off. But at this age the assumption would be that the parent has risk assessed and deems it safe enough to step out.

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 17:58

Mumofferal3 · 10/10/2024 17:32

How very righteous of you

Show quote history

It at all righteous. Basic common sense.

Mumofferal3 · 10/10/2024 17:32

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 10:47

If you know the woman is taking liberties, you know she was expecting something from OP.

And please don’t call me a gaslighter. The OP asked for opinions and my opinion is that if I knew somebody was assuming I would watch their child and I couldn’t, I would say. Whether it was my responsibility or not, whether the other mum communicated badly or not. I would make myself clearly understood.

Edited

Show quote history

How very righteous of you

StormingNorman · 10/10/2024 10:47

Mumofferal3 · 10/10/2024 07:39

Gaslighter!!

If the child's mother didn't make the OP aware, how was OP to know child needed looking after? And then to tgreaten with SS?

Op you are no unreasonable, that women is takig liberties. Most mother's wouldn't have SS called on them as OP has stated so she obv has form for this kind of thing.

Show quote history

If you know the woman is taking liberties, you know she was expecting something from OP.

And please don’t call me a gaslighter. The OP asked for opinions and my opinion is that if I knew somebody was assuming I would watch their child and I couldn’t, I would say. Whether it was my responsibility or not, whether the other mum communicated badly or not. I would make myself clearly understood.

WhereYouLeftIt · 10/10/2024 10:46

Frazzled83 · 10/10/2024 08:12

Hmmm there’s more to this. People don’t get referred to social services from just a hospital visit. Kids have accidents all the time. Something would have been off while they triaged her that raised enough concern to trigger a referral.

In blunt terms - she’s full of shit 😂 and no, you’re not being unreasonable!

OP posted on 06/10/2024 10:04:

"Sisters friend is already under SS and being monitored. DD is at risk of going into the system. ... It does explain why SS were so interested if they already have her on file."

Frazzled83 · 10/10/2024 08:12

Hmmm there’s more to this. People don’t get referred to social services from just a hospital visit. Kids have accidents all the time. Something would have been off while they triaged her that raised enough concern to trigger a referral.

In blunt terms - she’s full of shit 😂 and no, you’re not being unreasonable!

Mumofferal3 · 10/10/2024 07:39

StormingNorman · 04/10/2024 07:25

I’ve said you are being unreasonable because by your own admission you were not watching an eight rear old child when you knew nobody else was.

If you weren’t able to watch the child along with your own, you should have spoken up at the time. So when they announced they were going for a cig you say “I’m tied up with my DC at the moment, could you take yours with you”

Your post reads like you got the hump, behaved in a passive aggressive way and now it’s backfired because the child ended up in hospital.

Equally, the other mum is being unreasonable to expect you to look after her child…and to take such long fag breaks. It’s incredibly antisocial of them to leave you sat alone and with all the kids for so long.

Edited

Gaslighter!!

If the child's mother didn't make the OP aware, how was OP to know child needed looking after? And then to tgreaten with SS?

Op you are no unreasonable, that women is takig liberties. Most mother's wouldn't have SS called on them as OP has stated so she obv has form for this kind of thing.

Bonbon249 · 09/10/2024 20:59

I would very firmly tell the mother 'Your child, your responsibility' and ask your sister where she was in all this? Then tell her, equally firmly, to Eff right off!

Doteycat · 09/10/2024 14:34

StormingNorman · 06/10/2024 17:58

I do t think you’re understanding the nuance. It’s like we’re having parallel conversations.

I haven’t suggested at any point she should have been looking after the girl. I’m saying that she should have been clear that she wasn’t.

Nope, not her responsibility.
Not even a little bit.
Plain ole wrong.

Honestly, Id be hard pushed to hear the end of her ranting over my laughing.
How utterly rediculous, I wouldnt even be taking it seriously.
Report me? report away lady, id so enjoy that conversation.

1HappyTraveller · 09/10/2024 14:15

itsmeits · 04/10/2024 07:58

I have just sent my sister the below

I have been attending this night for the last 2.5 years and 1.5 years with the girls. You and friend have been coming approximately 8 weeks. Every week you and friend have left 8Y unattended when you go for cigs. Not once was I asked to watch child just expected. I am sorry that child has been hurt, however I attend to participate with my children not look after others. If she wants a child free night out get a babysitter like the rest of us. Tell your friend i am happy to speak to SS on her behalf and explain the abysmal attitude I have seen her show over the last 8 weeks. I am also happy to explain to them what I do with my children while in attendance.
I'm not entertaining this any longer, I am not to blame for her failings. Have a good day I'm off to work now.

☝🏻 👌🏻

BobbyBiscuits · 09/10/2024 13:53

Absolutely flabbergasting and laughable the woman should try and report YOU to SS over her kid? Utterly bizarre. Just tell the friend good luck with that and block them both.
At best she should be worried about the kids health, and her own parenting skills, not placing the blame on you. And SS have much more important things to deal with than false malicious claims.

Candystore22 · 09/10/2024 13:12

I’m sorry OP but your sister sounds totally bonkers. Has she always been like this? If so, I would be limiting my contact with her.

Mmhmmn · 09/10/2024 13:10

YANBU. Absolute CFs the pair of them. Revert to doing your own thing with your own DDs, they can do whatever. Their poor kids.

Somewhere deep inside you would think that they know it was their fault for being absent but some people are very wrong in the head and there's no understanding them.

Butnothingsclear · 09/10/2024 12:54

StormingNorman · 06/10/2024 17:54

Again, missing my point. I am not suggesting the OP should have done anything differently except let the friend know she wasn’t keeping an eye on her daughter.

Show quote history

But she wasn’t asked to.

‘I am going out for a fag’
’I am not going to watch your child’

is a bit like

‘I am going for a bath’
’I am not going mow your lawn’

Justus6 · 09/10/2024 12:49

itsmeits · 04/10/2024 07:13

I go out once a week and take my DDs with me 7 and 13. It's a social evening thing, the girls love it, there are different activities on.
My sister has started coming fine no issue with that. Her mate is now coming with her DD 8
This is where the issue is. They swan off for 15-30 min cig breaks and leave the child unattended. Going for a cig is the announcement and off they pop.
Last night child of sisters friend was messing about and has hurt themselves, mum nowhere to be seen for over 20mins.
I am being blamed for not watching the child 😳
Apparently announcing I'm going for a cig is que for me to watch her child - never have either said can you watch DD while I nip out. Plus I don't know this child, met her a few times that's it.
When this happened I should have been sat with/watching her DD not participating in an activity my DDs wanted to do.

My sister is trying to rip me a new one and her friend has threatened to report me to SS for neglect, as it was my neglect (according to them) that has caused this hospital visit and her to be reported to SS.

Should I have watched this child
YANBU you have your DDs she needs to step up
YABU she's a single mum provide free cig breaks child care for her

Let her report it to SS and advise that at no time dis you agree to look after the child. 100% mums fault and SS will tell her exactly this!