Really upset with family’s reaction

Good for you, OP. I hope your situation improves.

I know someone who I think has PMDD, and her life is marred by it. She hasn't had a diagnoses, but what she goes through every month, sounds like it is PMDD. She's working part time, but struggles to do that.

I know it must be really upsetting not having the support of your family, but they're not going through the same journey as you and won't realise how difficult life can be for you. Keep your business to yourself & say nothing to anyone

I’m surprised if you’re not eligible for ESA, as it isn’t means tested and is based on NI contributions, so is designed for people who have worked but become unable to. Have you applied for ESA and been rejected?

The UC eligibility is more complicated but being on pip would exempt you from the benefits cap and you could apply for the LCWRA group. Your DH’s earnings will be taken into account though. Whereas someone who doesn’t have a partner has no other money coming into the household.

Did you apply for LCWRA as part of your UC? As that would likely change your entitlement.

i do agree that people who earn just over the threshold end up worse off than people who are eligible, and that is shite.

Your sister is vile.

Hi OP, o don't receive any health benifits but I do receive a small UC top up on top of my wage.
I work as much as I possibly can for a job I've worked up to achieve. I'm a single mum to two young children.

My sister ALWAYS makes snide remarks about my UC. Recently I bought a pair of boots which cost £100. I've genially spent ages saving for them. All my money goes in my children, I literally never treat myself! But I saved for these and I deserve them. She keeps referring to them as "a gift from the tax payer". She won't ever allow me to complain about money because "if you want more money you should work more so it's your fault". She will never ever be satisfied that I'm a hard working person or deserving of anything whilst I get UC because it's feee money.

She hurts me, a lot. She makes me feel like absolute crap. Like I don't deserve anything. I never chose this life, I wish I never had to claim it, but I do!

I guess I'm sharing because some people just like this. They cannot put themselves in someone else's shoes or understand things from their perspective or abilities. You just have to realise that you can't talk to these people about these things . You'll never get the response or understanding you deserve from them. That's on them, not on you ❤️

Maybe the next generation will look at all the big companies who avoid paying taxes and hedge funds and whatnot. That would bring a bit more money to the pot than a bunch of disabled peopel claiming benefits.

This sort of replies really baffle me me. OK, so the fact you can work means everyone else does too? It's not a race to the bottom who has more conditions and manages to work despite. It's pretty horrible to accuse a person with multiple health reason to be a burden on the taxpayer just because yo uare not entitled to benefits or could not be bothered applying for them.

Unfortunately not. It seems as though if a disabled person dares to remain married, they are punished. It's really shit. I've tried with UC, they awarded it and then when my statement came through, I'm entitled to a massive zero. I've worked all my life. It makes me very upset that now I need help, it's not available to me.

This is true, but only if the Claimant is expected to live less than 12 months. Many people with incurable cancer have to claim in the ‘normal’ way, and it sounds as though the pp’s mum died before she was expected to, sadly.

This kind of story isn’t uncommon. That decision would likely have been overturned at appeal / MR stage. But decisions like that are made all the time. With illegal justifications that are not in any way related to the eligibility criteria

I’m not in agreement with the poster you quoted, but neither DLA nor PIP require a diagnosis.

They do require evidence of need, however.

I have never mentioned PIP or DLA. I was asked about my views about the number of people who don't work and why I think so many claim to be ill- was it because of what I do or the Press. I see these people every day through my job. I am not saying they claim PIP or DLA - but they don't work and do get benefits.

These families would not get pip, or even dla for the children without a diagnosis at the very least and evidence of how their conditions affect them in the form of consultants letters, scans, test results etc.

I'm sorry about what happened to your mum, but there are special rules when someone is diagnosed with terminal cancer. Her specialist nurse should have filled a form in for her then there would be no assessment. Your mum would have automatically qualified for pip and she would have got her first payment within 6 weeks.there's a special department who deal with terminally ill claimants

What's this got to do with the price of fish?

I'm very sorry you got those responses. They were unjustified and cruel. The fact that you're trying to volunteer despite your difficulties says a lot about you as a person: your decency and determination. If you were awarded PIP you jolly well deserve it. I hope you find ways to work through your illness and treatments but in the meantime accept the help offered and don't talk to your family about it again; they don't understand and to be honest it doesn't sound like they want to. Take care x

And we don't now. People only get PIP if they can prove to quite exacting assessors that their conditions are causing them significant expense. A diagnosis isn't enough.

It is not easier to get disability benefits now than 20 or 30 years ago. Most disabled people, whom I know, find the system tougher now than in the past..

One thing that I always had against Blair is that very early in his time in office, he significantly reduced in-work disability benefits. I was not receiving or applying for any such benefits; but I found the whole attitude upsetting, and thought that it would result in fewer disabled people working.

Austerity made things worse. One thing that's not often mentioned is that there used to be sheltered workshops for people whose disabilities prevented them from working in the open market. These were mostly abolished under the Cameron government.

Of course, if you go back far enough, to the 70s and earlier, many people with learning difficulties and mental health conditions were placed in institutions!

I work as a School Improvement Advisor - with schools, children and families. I meet parents every working day who do not work, claiming one kind of illness or another -physical or mental. Many have never worked. They do absolutely nothing and have no intention of working. They are absolutely bone idle. They pass this on to their children who think it's fine not to go to school, don't do GCSEs - often claiming long-term illness (never actually diagnosed but they and their parents are sure they have whatever it is).
I am not talking about people who are genuinely ill and unable to work.
The money wasted supporting families like this is vast. They want for very little and do nothing to contribute to society. In their backgrounds is often some form of offending, there own parents may well not have worked. They think they have a right to make that choice and for the State to support them. The other day it was Miss X who is well-known to soc.services, police (drunkenness and shoplifting) and education. She says she has terrible asthma and COPD and it's getting worse (according to Social Services she has no diagnosis of either). At a meeting about the neglect of her younger child (non-attender at school) she and her older daughter (now left school but didn't attend from age 13) sat and smoked continually. Neither of them work. The meeting was held at her house because she is 'not well-enough' to attend social services. She is in her mid 40s, has 4 children. The older 2 left school several years ago. None of this family have ever worked.
I see people like this every day- perhaps not as extreme in terms of numbers in one family but parents who have never worked from choice and feign illness.
She has money enough for a decent car, cigarettes, alcohol, is provided with a house, lives on benefits and has her hand out for every single thing going. Has never contributed anything to society or to N Ins.
There are many less extreme who just don't work. They just don't see it as an issue. I am quite blunt about it and the example they set when I discuss their children with them. Some get very defensive but often they just shrug it off- with a laugh, kind of 'Well why should I?'
I would take their benefits off them. I'm not saying they live in luxury but they are not struggling. Yet I meet parents who do work who are less well-off but work9ng is important to them. Their children might have blips with school but are much more likely to be in school and getting support to make it work.

I'm on the fence with pip etc.

We do not have an endless supply of money to provide benefits. There is going to come a point in the next generation where all this is looked at and they tighten even more on paying out. If someone does have a genuine medical condition they should get support, but there are too many who don't want to work, my neighbour for one.

Sadly I think alot of these benefits depend on who assesses you. My mum with terminal cancer was told she didn't qualify as in the words of the assessor "you could work in a library or something'. We never took the decision further as mum died suddenly.

Op that says more about your family's understanding of mental health than it does about you. Their ignorance is not something you should be taking on board. You can't argue with stupid.

I do get the resentment to an extent. I have ADHD and other disabilities myself. Working does put a significant strain on me and my mental health to the point where I cannot also have a meaningul social life.

I would love to not have to work and so I do have some degree of jealousy for those who have somewhat similar issues to mine but can get by on benefits.

That said, the grass is always greener, so in a world where I was in receipt of benefits I might well resent those who are more easily able to work.

Either way, OP, you shouldn't feel shitty about successfully claiming. I don't think you can count on friends and family being supportive in matters like this and it's a shame that they're actually being unsupportive. I can understand you feeling upset but I think you probably need to just move on from that and try to avoid future discussions with them on this particular topic.

We’re not though, are we? PiP isn’t diagnosis based, it’s needs based.

Are you sure you wouldn’t be entitled to ESA? Or to be topped up with UC if your DH only earns 24k? Making you eligible for the LCWRA group? Have you checked using the turntous calculator etc?

It’s not an obscure acronym.

If you see an acronym that you’re unsure of what it means it literally takes 30 seconds to open up a new tab and enter it into Google.

Not up to us to educate the ignorant!

I must admit, I am a bit envious of people who claim PIP and don't have to work.

I get higher rate PIP, both elements and after paying for my car, it's only £400 a month. I can't live off that, and I'm not entitled to claim anything else as DH earns 24k.

I don't know how a married disabled person is supposed to live on £400 a month. That money should be for the extra costs of being disabled, nothing else. But if I didn't work, it would go towards rent, food, etc. £400.

I have to work full time, from home, from bed, no matter how much pain I'm in, how much I want to die, how exhausted I am. I wake up and cry because I wish I hadn't woken up. I wish daily that I could fall asleep, not wake up and it would all be over. But no, I work 9-6, eat dinner, sleep. That's my life. I don't go anywhere or do anything. I don't see anyone other than DH.

If I didn't have to work, I could be in pain without having to try and concentrate on my job. I could sleep when I needed to, take my time going to the bathroom instead of rushing and hurting myself, etc. Nothing worse than rolling round crying in agony then having to do a zoom meeting and pretend you're OK. So yes, I do feel a bit envious of people who claim PIP and it's enough for them to be able to give up work. That's not their fault, but the way the system punishes some of us.

You don't think people kill themselves over stuff like this you are talking about a group of some of the most vulnerable people in society I attempted during the pip process it's one of the worst experiences of my life the lies they tell you wouldn't believe unless you have been through the pip process. Imagine filling out a form stating things you can not do and struggle with then sending in pages and pages of medical evidence why you can't do these things then having your vascular surgeon, cardiologist, neurologist, psychiatrist and gp writing letters saying the patient can't do these things then having a phone call an hour long stating again you can't do this and that Then getting your decision from the pip assessor saying their is no evidence the patient can't do this. Do you have any idea what that feels like. Pip assessors will literally argue a person with no legs has no problem walking up stairs this is how bad it is

I think you are being a tad dramatic.