To think that saying “marriage is sex work” is an oversimplication?

No it’s obviously not the same for a number of reasons . Not least because presumably your job isn’t sex work?

But if you draw no distinction between sex work and rape, you are essentially saying it’s not possible to rape a sex worker- and that’s not ok.

OP goodness knows what your friend has been reading. He/she/they might, however, like to consider this - from the marriage service of the church in England written in 1549 - getting on for 600 years ago when social conditions and equalities for woem were much, much less equal than today. .

In spite of all that, I reckon those long-dead people had a better grasp of emotional reality than whoever your friend has been listening to.

"Thirdelye for the mutuall societie [ie companionship], helpe, and coumfort, that the one oughte to have of thother, both in prosperitie and adversitie. Into the whiche holy estate these two persones present: come nowe to be joyned." *

I think that offering each other 'companionship, help and comfort' is still a pretty good definition of the benefits of marriage for both partners (of whatever sex) , even today.

• http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bcp/1549/Marriage_1549.htm

Should women I know who outearn their husbands (quite a few) be charging the husbands for sex??

Dod she suppose it was sex work for both partners or just the woman in a hetero marriage?

Is it financial benefits only or other benefits? If financial I want to know who got my money! If not, everyone involved should get something out of a relationship otherwise what’s the point in being in one? Doesn’t make it transactional though.

TBH it sounds like someone who thinks they’re very intelligent but is actually rather immature.

Even if a woman doesn't and has never worked outside the home (a very unusual scenario) it's interesting to see how the person who stated this only focuses on sex as the "work" they do.

Childcare - apparently worth nothing.
Tell that to daycares and nurseries, who somehow manage to produce rather hefty bills for it every month.

Food shopping, prepping, cooking and clearing up - apparently worth nothing.
Tell that to home helps, cooks and chefs & kitchen staff.

Housework & cleaning - ditto.

Household management - ditto.

How very refreshing for work that costs money to have others do it, be considered worth nothing & irrelevant when a woman living in a house does it.

I'm wondering if you're actually one of those incels who keeps popping up on here, to try to get a debate going about your batshit incel theories and views.

In my hometown in Northern Ireland, there used to be a gigantic fabric and shirt making industry.

Even when women couldn't find it easy to go in to factories every day, they did "outwork" and made shirts at home.

So there was huge female employment, and relative male unemployment. One of the few places men could be seen looking after "weans" in the 50s.

All those male prostitutes, eh.

At one point I earned more and had more savings - so was DH the hooker - and when that swapped (after kids) did I become one?

I always thought it was a partnership - with shared aims and goals and work and discussion.

I just asked my husband if he thinks I’m a sex worker with absolutely zero context and have just wondered off and left him with that. He is very confused 🤣

My late husband was a sexual genius. I earned more than he did but I could never have afforded sex work of his quality if I'd had to pay my darling for it. Makes me sigh just remembering...

Saying that marriage is sex work is a fundamentally sexist and misogynistic statement as it implies that women don't want or enjoy sex.

It also, as other posters have pointed out, makes the gigantic assumption that women don't want to have sex with their partners!

Again, are they an incel? Because it's only incels and mad misogynists who think only men have a sex drive and only men enjoy sex.

But that assumes, in a heterosexual marriage, that only the husband earns money outside the home, while the wife doesn't.

I don't know anyone like that.

That wasn't even common for half the population in Victorian times, when half the female population of working age worked outside the home in domestic service, factories, clothing etc. manufacture, shops, hospitals, schools etc. etc.

Is your mate an incel?

Because only incels and mad misogynists, in my experience, believe most women don't work outside the home.(As well as never owning their own property etc).

What decade did I just stumble into please?

Oh, God, this old chestnut did the rounds in the 1970’s - “marriage is just prostitution” sort of thing.🤷‍♀️

I don’t know why some people assume women don’t enjoy sex, or understand what marriage should be about.🙄

And, most women also work outside the home.

Let's compare some scenarios though:

I'm worried about losing my job so I relent under pressure to work through my breaks to get a project finished on time.

I'm worried about losing my job so I relent under pressure to give my boss a blowjob.

Are these comparable? Just extra unpaid work?

Drpends i could see a sahm who relies on oh for every penny and who only goal in life is looking after partner and kids and house being likened to that bit cznt think of any other scenario

I do most of the household chores and most of the childcare.
Of course he's paying me with sex 😆

*one. If sex is just like any other type of work then why is rape a massive and traumatising crime?

eh? I mean forced labour exploitation of any kind is also a massive traumatising crime. Hence the criminalisation of slavery and all.

It’s such a miserable way at looking at marriage. Reductive and naive - comes across that it’s been said by someone who is not married.

What about the shared values and conversation and vows and support and team work and depth to knowing someone for so long and laughter and commitment and love and tenderness? Transactional is not how I would describe my marriage.

Oh dear. The person equating marriage to sex work has a very warped and jaded view of relationships; the person describing sex work as “valid and important” (one of the blowjobs are real jobs brigade??) is utterly divorced from reality.

I can’t imagine anyone who has ever exchanged more than two words with someone involved in prostitution believing such an utterly moronic assertion. Those who’ve ever had to prostitute themselves for whatever reason sure as shit don’t think they’ve been engaged in “valid and important” work.

Of course sex workers deserve medical treatment and safety, But most of all they deserve not to have to suck some random stranger’s unwashed dick to pay for their dinner.

What is with all the weird threads justifying porn on here over the past couple of days?

Sex work can never be valid, the risk assessments would make it unviable. In jobs where you come into contact with bodily fluids and infectious diseases there is very tight regulations and copious amounts of PPE.

I think the most objectionable thing about the statement "marriage is sex work" is that it implies that women don't ever want sex with men for the sake of enjoying having sex as a thing itself, but that it must always be part of a trade for something else that they really want (whether that be money, security, a father for their children, someone to take the bins out, etc).

That takes us right back to the Victorian age and the idea that women were abnormal if they enjoyed sex.

gosh there are a lot of people being very offended by this musing thought! No one is accusing anyone of being a sex worker. They are not ‘disrespecting’ marriage…

I don’t make any money other than the money my husband willingly shares with me because I do life + raise children with him. In a transactional sense I suppose I get money and security (as well as all the silly, lovely, irritating, pros and cons of shared life) in exchange for overseeing our home, looking after our children and generally making life nice for us all (some of which includes mutually cheerful sex)

I’ve just posed this to DH + he set me some maths homework (work out the cost of the average visit to a sex worker x how many times a year we have sex) And it turns out I’m a lot more expensive… But he also pointed out that people can earn money in which ever way they choose - but that in the context of our marriage he shares everything he has with me as a given because he trusts / loves me and knows that we have a shared vision we pour our energy into.

He maintains a better analogy is that he is the Chief financial officer and I’m the Chief Operating Officer - we have board meetings and make decisions together - he’s ultimately in charge of balancing the books but there isn’t a power imbalance.

I am not a Happy Hooker. I’m a happy COO.

Sex work “plays a significant role in our economy and society”

Jesus Christ. A significantly detrimental role, yes. Of course the women involved need respect and protection, but from exploitation and abuse. Tell me OP, why didn’t you choose to enter the profession? I assume you’ll be encouraging your daughters to make this important contribution to our society. FFS, this is actually one of the most offensive things I’ve read on here for a while. I think it’s really rankled me because I can’t believe that you really believe this, I think it’s pure virtue signalling.