Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect some kindness and empathy from DH

153 replies

Tonytonitonee · 03/10/2024 20:28

I have been feeling unwell for a while now and am on medication for thyroid issues & a couple of other things. I usually feel horrible, depressed and exhausted.
DH no longer cares. If I tell him how I am feeling he'll listen for a few minutes and then try to change the subject or tell me to go and see a doctor. We have been married for 12 years and have two children. I have been feeling unwell for a few years and have been going to the doctors but nothing seems to work, and I feel like crap.

Today, I was telling him how I was feeling and he was looked bored. I challenged his behaviour & he became defensive, telling he isn't a doctor so he can't help me. He went on to complain that he had his own problems. I understand he is stressed at work but surely he can just listen, even fake interest for 5 minutes.
He is a present and attentive father but he is seriously lacking as a husband.

OP posts:
candlewhickgreen · 03/10/2024 20:35

Would you want someone repeatedly telling you how crap they feel for years?

ComtesseDeSpair · 03/10/2024 20:33

You’ve posted in AIBU, so I’ll respond in that vein. I think it’s incredibly hard being support-person to somebody who is depressed and always feels rubbish and has done so for years on end, and rarely has anything to say which isn’t about them feeling rubbish and needing support.

Are you doing all the things which doctors have said may help? Diet, exercise, medication, making time to do X,Y,Z, routine, therapy?

Disappearedwife · 03/10/2024 20:32

Oh OP I feel for you but I also feel for your husband. You’ve been feeling unwell and letting him know for a few years. I’m not sure what you expect him to do, he’s been listening, probably previously been sympathetic but other than suggesting going to a doctor he doesn’t have any solutions to offer. Men often want solutions and aren’t so good at the just listening to you vent bit. Perhaps he has in the past but I do think a few years is quite a long time to be listening to the same time and giving the same helpless ‘im sorry you’re unwell’ and he can’t help you.