to be sad DH won’t buy me flowers?

You’re setting your sights quite low there.

I think you're right to question a deeper intent behind this OP.

You say money is not a barrier to the odd bouquet of flowers, you live near a florist, you've hinted & asked outright & his responses are quite frankly awful.

why wouldn't he want to make his wife, the mother of his baby happy?

why does he want you to feel unloved & somewhat of a nuisance ?

It really doesn't (& shouldn't) have to be like that!

My dh goes out of his way to get me things he knows I like. Sometimes I have to make an effort to to mention things as he'll go off & get it. He loves to spoil me & our dc.

I get flowers regularly - he knows I adore peonies so if he ever sees them he buys them. We were on holidays in paris last year & he arrived back to the airb&b with 2 beautiful bunches of peonies one pink & one white as he couldn't decide which I'd prefer. We were only there for a week.

He regularly comes home from the supermarket with flowers & frequently orders beautiful bouquets from a florist I love. He's had them delivered to work on my birthday/ valentines day etc

He listens & takes care & his number one focus is us - his family..we've been married over 20 years. He's been like this from day 1.

I spoil him too. I cook his favourite meals & surprise him with beer etc

We love making each other happy.

Your husband does not seem to love making you happy. The months after a baby are in so many ways the most vulnerable for any woman & it's a time when your dh should be cherishing & looking after you in any way he can.

You deserve to be adored op. Life is too short. And this isn't really about flowers.

I asked my partner to get me flowers and he did a few times but I didn’t really like his choices, turns out I preferred buying my own. So I’ve quietly gone back to buying my own flowers and am happier with that.

Saying that, it sounds like your problem is bigger than flowers. Would you say your husband is quite materialistic and expects you to be happy because he is paying for high value stuff? And therefore missing lots of little opportunities that would actually make you feel thought of and loved? Does he do little things at home to make you happy, like make you cups of tea and get the chocolate he knows you like and things like that?

Sorry OP, he sounds absolutely mediocre at best.

If he's as great as you say then just buy your own flowers. I hate to get flowers and it took me 2 years to tell DH to please stop buying them..

Just order yourself the flowers that you like best. He’s clearly not going to buy them for you and it’s become A Thing and therefore awkward.

Sod that for a game of soldiers; buy what you wish he’d give you. Regard them as a present you’re giving yourself because you deserve nice things and you don’t need to wait for anyone else to realise that.

These threads always make me feel sad. You've told him what you like and he doesn't do it. That just seems so cruel. And you reasoning that you are anxious so that's why he doesn't surprise you... bloody hell, you're not asking him to dress as Freddy Krueger and leap out with flowers. You can have nice surprises. My husband often will surpise me and say something like there's someone at the door but he will pretend his hands are full so he can't go and when I go out to the hall there is a present hanging off the door. It may be or may not be of monetary value but it's beyond thoughtful and my heart swells with love for him.

Usually the retort is “when did you buy me flowers? Why do I have to buy them”.

Jesus Christ. What a romantic.

🙄

Same here. Divorced now after 25 years of feeling lonely and unloved.

Ok, I’ll admit that mine has done the ‘well, choose which one and I’ll buy it now because I won’t be in town again’ thing - but I think this is different. And I do agree that the concept of push presents is a bit weird - but this is flowers - surely very traditional and expected after the birth of a child, unless the mum doesn’t like flowers and would rather have chocs!

It just sounds as though he can’t be arsed. He buys what she asks for on birthdays and Christmas and doesn’t bother at any other time.

OP, if he likes the meals out etc and stopping them might make him reflect, then I’d do that. But I do agree with a pp that this can create resentment just as much as doing nothing about it.

It’s very sad - he needs a kick up the arse.

My OH is not good with flowers / gifts for occasions but he’s thoughtful and generous and a wonderful Father and DP. I choose not to let the flowers be the hill I die on, I buy my own.

I'm not a great one for presents but I think when you have told him how much buying you flowers would mean to you it sounds almost deliberately unpleasant of him not to bother doing this occasionally.

Especially for something special like you giving birth to his baby.

And given you live near a florists it wouldn't take much effort.

Some men seem to just delight in actively making their partners unhappy when a little gesture occasionally wouldn't hurt them and would mean so much.

Aw, that’s rubbish, OP.

My husband buys me flowers often, and other surprise gifts. And he bought me jewellery when our babies were born (although I can be sure he’s not aware of the hideous concept of a ‘push present’).

Your husband needs to up his game.

I know “push presents” are cringey and I wouldn’t ask for one but I have spoken about them with DH and he said “the baby is your present”.

Ugh. He makes it sound like it's not his baby, and that he has absolutely no idea at all what pregnancy is like. You bring someone flowers in hospital because they're in hospital (and you're not), not as some kind of reward. He doesn'thave to bring flowers if he really, really doesn't want to, but I'd be telling him to keep his gross comments to himself.

My experience is that at the beginning, when you're both keen, you give each other little gifts all the time because you're so happy. Sometimes these are simply little notes hidden inside a folder where you know the other one will find it. Lots of men slack off with this but IME and reading Mumsnet, they are missing a very important trick b/c women LOVE this kind of stuff.

I was giving him a pass on that one because push presents can be a bit controversial. I’ve seen some people on here before saying they’re tacky or sexist.

I’ve been hinting for years for my husband to buy me a necklace (nothing expensive just something from him) but he never has. It’s frustrating but he’s good in lots of other ways - he just sucks at gift giving. I’ll never forget the year he put my gifts under a tea towel because “I didn’t see the point in wrapping them when you’re just going to immediately unwrap them”

This won't get any better. Of course you could stop doing things for him but the whole point of loving relationships is that you do things for the other person to make them happy.

Keep as you are = resentment, frustration and anger eventually.
Stop doing stuff for him = resentment, frustration and anger eventually.

You could try marriage counselling i suppose but I'm guessing he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong so won't change anyway.

Does he do 50/50 with the house and baby?

Would you not get it for him for Christmas?

It’s hard when he steps up in so many other ways.

Gosh. So many women on here saying they are disappointed in not getting this or that gift, or not being spoiled enough on their birthday. The first question asked is ‘well did you tell him?’ And you have! Many times.

I mean, what more can you do? Is he any good at Christmas or Birthdays?

Me too.

Suggest you make plans for a happier future.

I managed to get through to an ex on this once, but it was a little passive aggressive as talking wasn't working.

I was similar to you, organising most things and if I saw something in a shop I knew he'd like I'd surprise him with it.

But I also knew what he didn't like, so I started buying those instead and act all surprised and dismissive when he was like, why did you buy me these? You know I don't like them. He was actually incredulous at how thoughtless I was being, and confused that I didn't seem to care.

Did it about three times, just at the point when he was getting fed up but before a row. Then when he asked why did you get me this I said, "you never get me things that I like either, like flowers (or whatever). And it doesn't seem very fair, so I'm either going to stop or you're going to start.

It finally clicked. We broke up for other reasons much later.

He is being ridiculous. This is so easy for him. Such a small thing to make you happy. I don't know what's wrong with him.