to be sad DH won’t buy me flowers?

And if you think 'that's too harsh, I couldn't say it' just remember 'the baby is your present'

Opposite way round, I think you do too much for him and he has got the idea he's the prize here because of how good he has it.

I'd be saying 'OK, I earn more than you and I had the baby that you really wanted, yet you can't even be bothered to get me a lousy bunch of flowers. What's gone wrong here because I think I deserve better?'

PS the baby comment was appalling.

Sounds like a relationship in a death spiral. He knows the flowers would mean a lot to you but still isn’t doing it, due to resentment. Meanwhile the physical affection you know means a lot to him you’re withholding, also due to resentment.

Up to you whether you want to try to break the stalemate and give the relationship a chance. I don’t particularly think you should- you sound a more switched-on person than him- but for that reason it’s probably only you who could do it. So the question is, give it a chance or cut and run?

Having a baby was your gift?! Frankly, I’d be digging the foundations for a patio if my other half said that to me!

I can buy myself flowers... write my name on the sand...

Buy yourself the flowers.

Is it just this that’s the issue? Maybe he doesn’t like being told what to do / buy and wanted to think of something yourself?

Also loads of other people usually send flowers on the birth of a child, I remember it actually being a pain for us as we ran out of vases and I thought how annoying it was that they’d sent something that would die in a week rather than something practical.

But if this is a long term pattern of him not listening and not treating you with respect or making you feel valued then I could understand why you are annoyed.

This really. It may seem cold and transactional but it’s the only way.

I'm sorry but flowers are not a push present, he didn't even appreciate you enough to buy flowers after YOU grew and birthed your child.

I don't think he deserves you or your child tbh.

This is so sad. Don’t compare yourself to what others deem a good man. You don’t have to set the bar so low! Sometimes on here men are made out to be either manipulative, incompetent, uncaring, lazy, you name it. In real life, none of my friends or the husbands of my female friends act like this. Don’t put up with something because you’ve been brainwashed to think all men are like that. They aren’t!

You have a child, is this the relationship you want to model to them? Would you them to feel like you and put up with it?

Two choices...
Except him the way he is and buy your own flowers or LTB.

I buy fresh lily's every week.

Some things are really not that important to me.

He doesn't care about making you happy op, he doesn't care about you much at all by the sounds of it and he doesn't sound like a great husband and dad, he sounds like he's doing the very most basic acceptable amount of expectations.

This is really depressing to read.

I wouldn't be having anymore children especially for him, don't make any more sacrifices for him if you stay.
Have a good think about why you think you deserve to be with someone that treats you like breeding cattle.

Flowers don’t mean anything if you have to ask for them. They don’t show you are appreciated or loved or being thought about at all in that context. He just wants to get you off his back.

Buy flowers for the house if you want flowers. As money’s no object set up a weekly delivery.

My DH buys me a huge bunch every Valentines and birthday and I'm not even that bothered about flowers. I sometimes hint I'd prefer chocolates or pyjamas... but my point is most men just buy flowers because they are meant to buy them. Yours won't even though you've asked for them.

I had an ex a little like that. He was a very selfish man who always thought he was right.

I don't think the flowers would be a big deal if it was just about the flowers -- but the fact is he won't even bother to do what makes you happy or for your anniversary etc and that's really sad. And crappy.

Someone I knew once sent herself flowers to work for Valentine's day and text her partner thanking him and saying how much she liked them, I love it when you get me surprise flowers. Certainly got his attention that someone else had bothered to send his girlfriend Valentine's day flowers.

Is he quite a bit older than you? It sounds a little bit like he's treating you like a tiresome teenager. Sorry OP , but listen to Miley and take her advice 💐

Compared to a lot of men I read about, he’s great.
If you are talking about this site then yeah, of course he's a lot better than the rapists and wife beaters. But compared to decent men? No, he is not great.

He doesn’t take time to necessarily understand me or the things I’m interested in, but he’ll tolerate it.
Oh OP.... why are you with someone who only tolerates you instead of celebrating and supporting you? That is not a partnership of equals, that is putting up with someone because they have to. And why would you stay in a situation that is slowly draining your self esteem and self worth away? You deserve more. Much, much more.

I mean, he doesn’t sound at all great. His plus points are

does stuff for his child
makes dinner if you can’t
tidies up a bit
doesn’t go out on the piss
is home when expected
earns well.

and you mention that he is older than you Anyway so probably did all the going out before anyway

minus points
can’t be arsed to do anything you like
not interested in you much
moans a bit.
alwsys on his phone

I think the lack of flowers points to a much deeper issue where your DH is a dick and just using you, doesn’t really see you as a person.

sooooo well I guess it depends what you put up with. Personally I would not put up with this and would kick up a stink until he pulled his finger out

Yeah, sorry OP, but you lost me at "isn't always the kindest with words". This isn't really about flowers. You need to raise your standards a lot little higher

I think if you have expressed your desire for flowers very clearly, and they can be afforded, and given that there are multiple occasions when it would be appropriate and yet still a surprise, and there's a florist nearby, then to repeatedly squander opportunities to make you feel happy and cherished is absolutely fucking miserable of him and can only be a deliberate choice to be mean.

It may not be appropriate or possible to LTB right now, but I guarantee you will decide to one day.

The baby is your present! For fuck's sake, what an asshole.

He's a selfish shit. Much like my exH who treated me like this for 20 years. There is no cure. I eventually decided I was not going to be taken for granted any more.

He doesn’t take time to necessarily understand me or the things I’m interested in

I found this quite difficult to stomach.

Is this not supposed to be one of the best things about a relationship? To be seen and understood?

Stop doing anything nice for him, he doesn’t deserve it.