To be concerned DM last marbles at 60

It is more likely a physical problem such as low thyroid, low vitamin B12 or D, or depression than dementia at 60. I’d advise a general health check up with her GP with bloods as a first step. Fewer than 1% of people aged 60-64 have dementia. It’s possible but unlikely.

At the risk of derailing the thread, if you need to travel a long way to see a close relative, it's going to be a complex journey unless you live over the road from the airport at one end and your relative lives close to the airport at the other end and can pick you up. Even if you drive all the way that's a lot of driving. Lots of us have no choice but to get to grips with complex journeys because our relatives move to the other end of the country, or abroad. If you want to maintain a relationship with the far-flung connections that's what you have to do.

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Are all of these tasks things that she used to do/be able to do?

I do think for lots of these things though that retirement, especially if you don’t have an active social life/community life can cause lots of these things. The less you do, the less you feel able to do. The less you have to make decisions the less capable you feel of doing that, the less you use public transport the less confident you feel about doing so (I’m in my 20’s and find this now as I’ve been driving for years so if you told me now I had to use 5 trains to get somewhere I’d almost certainly get confused/lost), the less you need to drive (no work to drive to or friends to drive to meet) the less you drive and before you know it you’ve lost your confidence driving, the less you do the more tired you feel, if you’re used to living a very slow and peaceful life then of course you’re going to struggle with grandchildren and the chaos kids can bring.

And some of if I think is not wanting to seem she is doing nothing and she may actually feel busy. My gran has been retired for years, she has absolutely nothing that HAS to be done but yet she is literally always stressed about something and is always always in a rush and telling me how busy she is, even when all she does that day is a food shop or cleaning the house she tells me how busy she is.

FFS Why has nobody asked if she has seen a doctor or does she have any ongoing illness?

My MIL is retired and 70, she's just booked a solo backpacking trip to India.

At 60 I'd be very concerned about the things you mentioned, although the technology thing could be more confidence issues than anything else.

Are her finances stopping her from getting out more?

I must say that seems a lot! Can't you pick her up OP if you are really concerned about her cognition?

I am 60 and would be horrified if any of that applied to me or if people were trying to convince my family that was normal and part of aging - at 60! I mean the trains thing sounds like a faff although if she has previously done this route I don't think it should suddenly become an issue. Similarly, presumably she could book things online before she gave up work and now for some reason can't?

What does your mum do with her time - does she have friends, volunteer, do any active sport/dance, have hobbies? Although people do age differently I don't think this is normal but she will age quicker if she doesn't have sufficient interaction with people and stay active.

My 60 year old mil is like this, nothing wrong with her just acts like she's 96 gotten to the point where you can't show any sympathy or she plays on it.

Not anything like normal at 60. Most people will still be working at that age. Very unusual to have the issues that OP describes if her mum previously managed these things.

Eyesight? Hearing? As well as thyroid etc mentioned above.

I get the constantly busy even though retired thing. Was her work very structured, so she's lost without a timetable?

5 trains is madness though!

She definitely needs a GP assessment from your description OP.

what does the GP make of it? did she have any tests? I don't think it's normal and booking an appointment would be my first step. Could you go with her. Sounds like she would benefit from having someone with her to explain the impact.

Ah right. I retired at 58 five years ago. I do see friends regularly and make an effort to stay connected in my local community.

5 trains??

Where is she going, Hogwarts??

You could’ve described my DM. You have my sympathies!

Is she feeling depressed since retiring? Does she have a partner/friends/activities to do?

Is she lonely now that she has retired? I loved retirement at first but after a while I felt really lost. Having all.day to do something like shopping made me dread doing it for some reason.Same with cooking . I would start off thinking oh ,I could make so and so but then feel there is no point.
I also didn't feel financially able to go out very much as money was an issue.
One day I forced myself to go shopping and felt really ill,weak and exhausted. I went to my GP and vit D was low.

I started going out more . Library, charity shops , just a walk and am volunteering.

Think it was the combination of retiring , money and physical health. I can't say I felt confused , more detached and couldn't be bothered. Would she agree to seeing herGP ? . What does she think is wrong or does she think she is OK ?

No he stopped socialising with people. Never very outgoing, but at least at work he was around people five days a week.

I think 5 train journeys is a lot and could see it being confusing.

But perhaps, perversely, she needs to do more not less? I think people need purpose to stay young.

how can you need 5 trains to get to one destination

Easily. Say you started somewhere in Kent and got a train to Victoria, with maybe a bus journey or taxi to get to the local station. Tube to King's Cross. Long-distance train to Leeds. Local train from Leeds to (say) Harrogate. Bus or taxi or lift for the last leg.

The complexity and risk of problems is one of many reasons why so many people prefer to drive door to door.

I feel like this at 47, in perimenopause. Last time on a train, lost my phone and had to wait at a station for it to 'come round again' with the phone, was delayed for hours.

It's a bit rude saying about 'losing marbles' with regard to someone's mental health. Maybe she is deficient in B12 or something.

It doesn't sound like normal ageing for someone of sixty. But there are many possible causes, some of which can be solved quite easily. I think requesting blood tests would be a good start.

Why was he isolated? Does he live rurally?

Yeah, I don't think that's normal at 60, especially if she could do all those things before - if you can get her to go to her GP I would try to do that,