Son & DILs Parenting - concerned?

This sounds pretty much like I was raised in the 1980s. My mum is Polish. Coming from that culture absolutely influenced how she thought we should take advantage of every opportunity offered by the UK that she never could have had in a Communist country. I don't know what her upbringing in Russia was like, but also wonder if your DIL sees the kind of food she is giving her kids as the high quality stuff - fruit, veg, protein. My mum's family back in Poland before the Iron Curtain fell existed on rye bread and potatoes as staples because other foods were sometimes scarce and expensive. She sees that as food you eat if you're poor, because it fills you up and is cheap but not nutritionally that great. We didn't have processed foods, takeaways etc, it was all home cooking. My mum is still fairly militant about that now!

We didn't have sweets, chocolate etc often - they were treats, not everyday things, and although I'm more relaxed than my mum was and didn't think the odd takeaway would be disastrous, I followed that with my kids on the sugar. Children absolutely do not need those to be healthy. It's crazy the amount of sugar a lot of kids eat these days and thinking they are deprived somehow because they only get sweets on weekends and special occasions is crackers.

Fruit and veg has carbs, you don’t need white bread and loads of cheap pasta. If anything there isn’t anything nutritious in the latter.
It’s just OP comparing it to a standard shit British diet.

It sounds very like it doesn't it

Did you post a few days ago?Excluded from Grandchildren’s Life? Your DIL had gone NC with you after you called her a gold digging furriner or something?

Very similar story and writing style…

It's not how I'm choosing to raise my DC, but it doesn't sound actively harmful.

Their diet sounded concerning at first but the more you post the better it sounds. And as you say they're a healthy weight.

The activities is all good - at three mine were in nursery five full days and the younger had swimming and drama at the weekends too because she wanted to do what her sister did. All good.

I personally hate gender stereotyping but again it's not going to do harm to the extent that you should intervene.

Your post reminds me of a poster the other day who'd criticised her son's wife from another culture and hadn't even been invited to the wedding. If you want a relationship with your grandchildren I'd say nothing.

I would be concerned too, but as others have said sounds like it’s so rigid you could be cut off for speaking out. I would stay quiet but close and observe, as the girls get older they may lean on you more

I'm more concerned about the strictness and gender stereotyping.

What's with the strawman argument? What's with the false dichotomy?

It's not one extreme or another. Other parenting styles are available.

I'm not an authoritiain parent and my children don't even have social media accounts. They definitely do not think everyone is a winner.

You can be a great parent and set boundaries without being a tyrant.

Get your head out of the Daily Mail and be real.

Low carbs for very young children is not great. They need them.

I'll echo the others. The diet sounded more concerning than the examples. They have less carbs on few days a week, but it's not like they're restricted to steak and salad all the time. Also they have take out, roast and sweets. So quite a balanced diet. Unless obviously they're forbidden from having carbs when visiting which doesn't sound like it is.
As for the activities. That is slightly concerning language glasses and nursery is a must. But 5x week an organised hobby is a lot. However, you can't really do anything if the child enjoys the activities and is happy to attend.

This is great advice. I take back my comment that there's nothing you can do. You can do this.

That's really sad, and sounds like horrible parenting. But there's nothing you can do, sadly.

OP, I was brought up by very strict parents. I would get punished for very minor things.

I also grew up poor, so didn't have the activities you mention. I did have a limited diet because of lack of snacks. I had 3 meals a day but remember feeling hungry a lot, esp at school.

I spent a lot of time w my grandparents (2 different grandmas), and they were my sanctuary. Treats, snacks, more freedom, cuddles. I know now at least one of them did not approve of my upbringing. Neither of them mentioned anything to my mum but they offered me what I didn't get from her.

Fruit and veg are often full of carbs. I think you mean she doesn't given them unhealthy carbs (breads etc)...but they get sweets once a week, chocolates at Easter and have a Sunday Roast? Sounds like a brilliant and healthy lifestyle to me.

TBH I wish more parents were like your DIL as there are so many obese children these days who have bread or pasta for every meal and wouldn't know a strawberry from an artichoke.

They don't have a low carb/keto diet if they are eating fruit and veg. You're just not used to seeing people not relying on bread/pasta/potatoes to bulk out meals.

They have a roast every Sunday (my son insists on this) and obviously that is quite carb heavy but a normal day of meals is more like, scrambled eggs/fruit for breakfast, fruit/veg snack, lunch with the low carb tortilla wraps or similar, fruit/veg snack then meals like stuffed bell peppers or fish with steam veg. The fruit and veg do bring some carbs but they really don't have pasta/bread/potatoes often at all!

Its hardly child abuse behave they don’t have loads of white bread, potatoes and pasta!

Despite what posts are saying no they don’t need cereals for breakfast or sandwiches for lunch. Scrambled eggs and fruit is perfectly healthy, filling and nutritious.

And a couple of classes when the 3 year old only does a few mornings of nursery is absolutely fine.

what bothers me is controlling, authoritarian parenting which I worry will cause psychological damage to the children.

Whereas our social media obsessed, do what you like so long as you are happy, don’t say anything to anyone in case they get offended, everyone is a winner…culture has had no affect on our young people’s mental wellbeing whatsoever.

The gender thing is frustrating. The only other thing that sounded off in your OP was their diet, but the more you say about it the more it seems it's actually just a healthy but ultimately very normal diet - so what's the problem?

I know a few DC who have Russian mothers. They are all disciplined, academically high achieving and talented. Their mothers pay an unbelievable amount of attention to their education and extra curricular activities.

To some it will seem extreme, but the other end of the spectrum is the slack, lazy, liberal and undisciplined UK parenting which has done our children no favours.

Somewhere in the middle seems the best. If the DC are no being abused, I’d just keep my mouth shut.

I know a lot of Asian and Eastern European mothers. Western mums think they are strict and even a little abusive. They think we let our children fail.

The dietary issues are too much but the rest sounds ok. The only thing you can do it to have a gentle word with your son.

I agree about it being a cultural difference, my daughter has a couple of friends like this. Doesn't mean it is not going to be psychologically damaging.

I have colleagues from overseas who moved to the UK to escape some of the stricter elements of their culture.

I don't have issues with the children being encouraged to do their best and given opportunities to do educational activities, what bothers me is controlling, authoritarian parenting which I worry will cause psychological damage to the children.

I look back at my childhood and despite the poverty we had little carbs, comparatively to the diet in the British isles now.
E.g. ham and eggs for breakfast.
This was in communist Eastern Europe.

It's hard to explain the diet as it's not no carb or keto it's just heavily fruit/veg/protein with little carbs. They have a roast every Sunday (my son insists on this) and obviously that is quite carb heavy but a normal day of meals is more like, scrambled eggs/fruit for breakfast, fruit/veg snack, lunch with the low carb tortilla wraps or similar, fruit/veg snack then meals like stuffed bell peppers or fish with steam veg. The fruit and veg do bring some carbs but they really don't have pasta/bread/potatoes often at all!

They do get treats not just at Easter, normally Fridays they get a sweetie after dinner and on Saturdays they either all eat out or order in so that's less restrictive and Sunday is roast so definitely less restrictive then.They get Easter eggs and birthday cake etc.

Right, so as it turns out, they get a healthy diet, that includes carbs and treats. Maybe your diet isn’t so great and you are confused as to what is good? I’m really struggling to see any issue here. I’m guessing you just don’t like your DIL in general?

From your first post I thought their diet sounded concerning but when you went on to describe what they eat, their diet actually sounds really good and healthy! Lots of cooked food with fruits and vegetables and they get to eat cakes and other stuff as occasional treats.

I was a brought up by very strict, authoritarian parents. I was punished for the slightest thing.
It was very damaging to my MH and still affects me now as an adult. Needless to say I have not adopted the same parenting style with my own children.