Son & DILs Parenting - concerned?

I think their diet sounds great. It's good to establish healthy eating habits early. The strictness and no mud-rule remind me of my own upbringing. (I'm from the former Eastern bloc, too.) It's given me confidence issues and what I can only describe as a phobia of mud. But I don't think there is much you can do if you want to remain in good terms with your DIL; she is not abusing them. You can only be there for your grandchildren and offer them a more relaxed experience when they're with you.

This is quite a normal upbringing in Russian and Eastern European culture. The diet sounds healthy, it’s exactly in line with Mediterranean diet doctors recommend. Protein, fruit and veg with little simple carbs - don’t see anything wrong with it. Timed snacks is exactly as my mum ran the household, it didn’t do me any harm, I still don’t have a snacking habit and it served me well in life. I’ve been the same size since puberty with very little effort to maintain it and no restrictive diets in sight.
Encouraging decent behaviour is also a good thing. You won’t see many shrieking children in that part of the world. I remember being told off by strangers for talking too loud on a bus, for example.
Gender-stereotyping is concerning but nothing you can do about it except to have gentle conversations with the girls when they get older.
As long as there is a good balance between being strict and being a loving and supportive parent, there is absolutely nothing wrong going on here.

It sounds like a lot of cultural differences and choices and priorities that are different to what you are used to. That must be hard and I sympathise! It's a shame the children are so over scheduled and are told off for such small things but nothing you've said sounds cruel or unloving, just different ideas on what is best for them. I would continue to say nothing and be supportive and hopefully you will provide a different influence in their lives. It could be a lot worse, I've seen some heartbreaking MIL posts on here where the grandchildren are being dragged up by completly inadequate parenting. It sounds like your grandchildren are having a good life, I hope they get plenty of physical affection to balance things out.

When you actually finished all your posts the diets sounds like a healthy diet. They have lots of fruits and veggies and fish. They have a roast on Sunday, they have a take away/meal out once a week. They have treats on a Friday.

They go to clubs and learn the mother’s native tongue. The whole not playing with boys toys is over the top but that’s about it.

The whole country seems to be becoming blind to healthy weights we have obese children being called having a little puppy fat and just normal lean children called skinny near underweight.

I do see the links between the two threads aswell. How funny that two horrible dils form the very countries of Russia and Ukraine within days too. If she really is Russian sounds like normal strict Russian parenting.

I would say it's just a cultural difference. They only have lower carbs for a few days each week and have roasts, takeaways and sweets the other days. I'd say that's pretty ok.
The toy thing would grate on me but they'll have opportunities at school to do and play with all sorts of things, so again, not worth falling out over.
If your son is happy to raise his children in this way too then I don't think there's much you can do. They're healthy, polite children who are engaging in a wide variety of activities. It could be far worse!

Yep, same poster. And given she hasn't seen them for nearly a year how does she know anything about their parenting style. She seems determined to ruin their lives. Or maybe she thinks SS will give them to her to look after.

I'd also be concerned about the strict low calorie no carb diet for the very young children. Children need carbs for energy and growth. Your DIL doesn't sound 'genetically' skinny as she has to stick to a strict diet to stay skinny. I'd be concerned that her daughters will have eating disorders like their mum. I say this as a genuinely genetically skinny woman who eats carbs.

I was about to ask if this rung the same bells for anyone. I think OP has changed a few details (Ukraine to Russia), and her outright "concern" about the mother due to the bashing she got on that thread, but I do suspect she's the same OP trying to judge her DIL.

i work in this area and meals and snacks at specific times is one of the first things we tell parents in establishing good relationships with food. It’s why so many fussy eaters at home end up thriving in nursery and eating very well there when they refuse or just pick at home

Oh you're back with more criticism of your Dil I see.

Sounds fine to me. You realise fruit and veg are carbs, so what’s the issue…not enough pasta? Strict and expect hard work? Hardly the gulag.

Seems like you’re a bit of a busybody to me OP.

I'd be concerned about the low carb thing, they're growing kids they need carbs, no wonder they're always tired, also not allowed a snack if they feel hungry, they will grow up with issues around food

I was wondering like others if you were the MIL of the Ukrainian lady. If so you don't like your DIL and need to step back. If I'm wrong sorry, but also diet sounds healthy. Your opinions on all of this need to be kept under your hat or it will not end well.

how does the OP know that their diet is that restrictive? Do you live with them? How do you know that all of their meals are ‘keto’

your DIL is free to eat how she chooses, it sounds like you don’t like her very much. Child growth is based on nutrition and genetics. Nutrition mainly before 3. The fact that these children are young and taller than average shows that they are getting enough calories. Research has shows adults have no concept of what healthy looks like on small children, our perception is skewed due to how many young children are obese and overweight. You are meant to be able to see the ribs of a healthy weight child yet we’re conditioned to think that means skinny. There is a large range for healthy in children from 3rd centile up. I bet their BMIs would surprise you.

the clubs, so what?

the language so what?

discipline, I promise you’d be on here complaining if the opposite was true and it would be your DIL fault there too.

yes the gendered stuff isn’t great, but sadly very common.

all in all sounds like you don’t like your DIL and want to pick. Good luck

For me the most concerning here is they are not allowed “boys” toys. For the rest, they eat healthy diets with lots of fruit and veg, are encouraged to do sports and activities and are bilingual. Swimming is an important life skill. Plus are well behaved. Maybe her parenting is a bit strict but overall I wouldn’t be concerned.
you only see them a few times a year, not sure how much you really know. My DM judges my parenting and criticises me but has very little clue about our daily life as she is never around and doesn’t actually help!

People change minor details to avoid being recognised/threads being linked. It's not dishonest it's sensible precautions to take online.

Why would DIL be doing that if she's Russian?

Based on your updates, it seems strict but not overly so or unhealthy. As a foreigner I do see British parenting as a lot more lax than other cultures.

The best you can do is be there for them and naturally demonstrate other ways of doing things (obviously not in a confrontational way).

This is the exact thread I was thinking of too!

It's mainly cultural differences.

The diet sounds generally nutritious, but some more carbohydrate wouldn't go amiss.
You'd know the difference beween lean and thin though. Thin would look gaunt, be more prone to illness and generally look unhealthy. The 5 year olds I knew that still had a chubby toddler look on starting school all ended up clearly heavily overweight by leaving primary school. Children should be stretching out and looking lean between 3-5.

There's a lot of fear in the UK over criticism of diet and disordered eating. The problem is being too laissez-faire and too much freedom to eat "child-friendly" foods often results in poor regulation and binge eating disorders. British society struggles to recognise binge eating as being disordered and harmful. Lean children in the lower end of healthy range often look thin comparative to the size distribution of their peers.

OP did you also post a thread a few days ago thread title is Excluded from grandchildren's life. The details are very very similar re DC ages the wife etc. in that thread you were wondering why you didn’t see your Grandchildren very often, so it would seem that your son and his wife are already aware of your concerns.
Apologies if it’s not you.

Did you post about them before? Where the DIL was taking the kids back on 24 hour journeys to Ukraine?

Can't see anything wrong with this diet tbh

Regarding children being “skinny” if children of all centiles were lined up and people asked to pick where they change from being underweight to healthy and then from healthy to overweight happened, people might be surprised that what looks underweight is actually not and that seeing a child’s ribs is not unusual when they’re in their ideal weight for height bracket

As long as they're eating enough then that diet is really good.

All the rest though I wouldn't like but that's not really for someone else to say unless it's abusive.