Son & DILs Parenting - concerned?

I actually think that some of the responses here tell you all you need to know... Some parents are batshit.

The amount of activities is actually nuts for that age. But as a pp said, different cultures, different expectations.

As another pp also said, it's the language around the food that may become more damaging later. Keep an eye on things, don't speak out as the girls sound loved, it's just very strict and you need to be the best grandmother ever. You can't fall out with ds and dil for that very reason.

Weirdly i am friends with a family as you describe. Not the same i imagine but she, Russian, is utterly self obsessed, skinny, a total princess and sadly yes, that is being projected onto the daughters.

Just be there to love and give light (and carbs) to the girls.

Plus as Op said ballet at 3 is hardly strenuous excercise. My 3 year old goes to toddler ballet and it’s a lot of running around, waving ribbons and wands, games that involve movement and dance. Most kids there have fun and some don’t participate much or sit down when they are tired.

90% of kids eat far too much junk food and have no rules about snacking. My friend’s 3 year old walks to the kitchen and helps himself to Haribos. Don’t think that’s great either

don’t agree with the toy cars but both children will have access to “boys” toys at school and nursery and encouraged to do all games and sports including football.

Are you by any chance the same poster who was complaining that you don’t get time with your grandchildren? If you are, you’ve already been told almost unanimously by hundreds of people why you are 109% in the wrong and this post just adds to that. BTW if the cars are the ‘hundreds of pounds’ you’ve spent then their parents probably don’t want a massive toy car in their small flat. If you’re not that poster then apologies but the same principles apply. You are not their parent; their parents are. Unless they are being physically abused it’s absolutely none of your business how they choose to bring their children up.

You are wrong healthy children have clearly view of ribcage that is medical fact. The western version of a lot children is not healthy. Hence the near impossibility of finding clothes with waist bands that don't fall down.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-12226744

I think the diet you described in more detail, including the scheduled treats, sounds good enough, and better than the crap loads of kids and adults live off. Activities sound OK too.

The gendered toy stuff is rubbish, but there's nothing you can do except lead by example when you do have contact.

It is extremely unlikely that you saying anything would change anything anyway, except put you on the back foot with son and DIL.

Ultimately, your son had chosen someone with different values, and it sounds like he may value her particular type of femininity himself. If you criticise their parenting you are criticising the foundation of who she has become, and possibly the foundation of their relationship. It won't go down well.

I think this is mainly a cultural difference OP. As a PP says, the British way of parenting is seen is very lax by many people from other cultures. I have friends and have known many other people from other countries and the way they do things and the things they think are normal are just totally different to us. I feel like a slacker and a lazy arse compared to the parents I know from certain other cultures. The toy cars thing and the strictness at home aren't great, but the diet sounds fine to me. Kids were skinny in the past - that's normal - and if you want your kid to do ballet or have the chance of doing ballet to a high level later on it's good to start early. I wouldn't say anything - by all means be curious about your DIL's upbringing and they way they do things in Russia - but if you criticise or give your opinion I think you'll be on very risky ground.

What the actual....? Um, no. Children should not be skinny. Some get lanky but at that age absolutely not.

I mean ideally yes they should have more carbs.

excluding giving them pasta and sandwiches on your watch there isn’t much you can do

what you also need to understand is they are being raised to be Russian girls. this is very different to being raised British.

what you are describing is pretty standard stuff in that context.

the exercise, the clothes, the grooming, don’t get dirty, sit nicely.

their body and face are a commodity which must be optimised and maintained.

Anything you want to say talk to your son and ask it as a question.
The food is potentially the only thing I’d raise and if I did I’d treat very carefully.

To be fair is low or no contact with them so she doesn’t actually know much about them day in day out. Just because the mum pushes more stereotypical female activities doesn’t mean she outright bans anything else. Plus very young 3-5 year old girls are usually in their peak pink princess phase. I have a girl that age and most of her peers are the same, even the ones who don’t push the princess dress dolly pushing thing themselves.
It doesn’t mean the mum is forcing them to do things they don’t want.

Because OP changed the details from Russia to Ukraine.

I think it sounds like you need to stop interfering.

To be perfectly honest it sounds fine. Strict, culturally different but not a million miles from what was the norm in western society a generation ago.

It wouldn't be for me but I see friends (ex soviet union backgrounds?) who have raised there now adult children now similarly and they are well rounded individuals.

I would say nothing if you want to maintain a good relationship.

As long as they get plenty of veg and some fruit they are getting enough carbs. Keeping sweets and puddings to just a couple of times a week sounds fine to me. The only thing that is concerning is the gendered toys. All in all these sound pretty good parents who are making healthy choices for their children. If I were you and wanted a relationship with my grandchildren, I’d keep my nose out of it.

Absolutely this. Reading over the two threads there doesn’t seem to be anything OP doesn’t feel entitled to criticise. It would appear from the other thread that OP hasn’t seen them for quite a while - over a year, so I’m at a loss to know how she knows so much about their diet and lifestyle. I have a horrible feeling that this is going to end with some sort of referral to social services as OP seems unable to step back and stop interfering. Even when they’ve clearly gone low contact.

Oh God, here comes the judgemental MIL ... your poor DIL. It's irrelevant where she is from btw. Furthermore, how she raises her children is NONE of you business. Posting this much information about her on a public forum is infuriating.

The thing is be most worried about it the socialisation. That they aren't allowed to do anything outside of the stereotypes.

I would definitely be bringing this up with your DS in a calm way.

I mean what does this extend to? Not being able to play a certain sport? Not being allowed to be interested in certain subjects?

The sexism is the thing I would be honing in on.

There's so much research out their now on low carb keto for children and adults, children as we don't need carbs as such, Dr berg has done so much research on this, you can make your own bread biscuits pizza base, cakes, sweets, without all the carbs and other rubbish added, roast dinner can be done using swede for roasties as low in carbs , make your own icecream, really anything can be changed to suit low carb without feeling your missing out , all veg and fruit have carbs but nothing like normal processed foods or cereals, cottage pie, and likes of can be made eith little changes to some ingredients,

Carbs turn to sugar and sugar keeps us hungry, took me along time to understand this,
Netflix has a movie, the magic pill, worth 60 mins watch to educate yourself / ourselves, Dr berg youtube him honestly opened my eyes,

So was I. And my grandmother was also a balm. What I will add is my mother is also foreign, and she would hide behind the “cultural differences”. It is slowly dawning on me that she (& my dad) may actually be autistic. That this rigidity is down to that. It is extremely bad for a child’s mental health. What can you do op? Almost nothing. No one stepped in for me. And yes, I wound up with an eating disorder too.

I appreciated your concerns but also feel that with more information being added along the way that this is a good balanced diet, starchy carbs are often cheap fillers with little nutrition!
can you define your concerns that the youngest is always exhausted when you see her? How often do you see her?
I think this would add more context for people to reassure you
I would be more concerned about the gender specific toys but as others have said the girls will find their way with that outside of the home

Their food sounds amazing, I wish more parents would cut out the chips and turkey dinos.

They are getting great food for future gut health, they are slim and active. Bette Ethan living on pizza and chips and lounging around on iPads.

I'm a strict parent my DS are 20-& 17 now, but all the hard work being different being strict has paid off. It's hard to define in a post but I'm so grateful I stuck to my guns on some rules.

The gender part, they will find a way to break if they want too. They will be strong independent women and raised well so I really wouldn't worry at all.

As long as your DS is happy think they sound like great involved parents.

It all sounds OK to me.Different but OK.

My friend is from Moldova and she is very much the same with her children. They have a full schedule with lots of extra curricular activities, the don't go up and spend time in their rooms, they spend most time downstairs as a family when they are home, she has a very healthy diet. She is very strict with the children.

Diet wise, you say they are thin but not underweight. There parents are also naturally thin. Honestly that is fine there are so many overweight kids about it has skewed our perception as to what is normal. There is a perception kids need snacks between meals all the time, they dont. There is a huge problem with obesity in this country. It sounds like they do get carbs just not in massive quantities

Are you going to keep posting threads with half truths and drip feeds until someone criticises your DIL and validates you?

Honestly, your energies would be better spent getting to know her, learning about her culture, and building a relationship with her.

Focusing on being proved right (in your mind) about her really isn't healthy.

Well they're certainly NOT being abused or starved!

All this comes down to different parenting choices. They are the parents and you would be incredibly overbearing to criticise them to their faces.

Keep out of it.