Son & DILs Parenting - concerned?

It sounds fine. The kids aren't eating no carbs - they are eating tortilla wraps and a roast on Sundays. Their diet actually sounds really healthy. In Ukraine, it's normal to have a big breakfast and smaller lunches and dinners, and their way of eating is much healthier than ours tbh.

The parents sound strict but they're clearly not abusive, so I'd keep my beak well out of it if I wanted to have a good relationship with both them and the GC.

The food they are eating sounds better than some children will be eating (chicken nuggets,chips,sweets,crisps ect) and not unhealthy - and at that age the clubs they are going to are probably more relaxed social/fun.

If their mum is from a different culture she may be going to more clubs to be able to meet other mums similar to her.

Sounds like they have well behaved children that are happy to eat healthy food, which they are probably proud of and I don't imagine it will go down well if you suggest they should change their diet and be less strict. It also sounds like they have a tidy organised house without toys everywhere so that may feed into why they didn't keep the cars you gave (and I don't think you get along with the mum - I think parents find it easier to dispose of gifts given form someone who doesn't like them).

I wouldn't worry about the parenting it sounds like they are far from being neglected or abused - just differently to how you would parent. If you want to be close to your grandchildren it would probably be better to try and get along with their mum well instead of worrying about her parenting - the closer you are with their parents the closer you will be to them growing up and the more influence you will naturally have on there upbringing.

This. I have foreign relatives and the way they are raising their kids is totally different to Brits but the kids are amazingly polite, kind, talented, healthy and driven. They are a credit to the parents.

I would say nothing. I'm sure they will be OK and if they rebel when they are old enough to leave home, so be it.

The only thing for me would be the "not for girls toys" but having Russian relatives, I think that's a very common attitude. Plus I was raised with similar and managed to rebel.

My kids did a similar amount of activities at that age and were absolutely fine. My youngest started ballet at 2. Strenuous it was not! We don't allow snacks a lot of the time outside fruit. We don't have a massive amount of carbs at home and I struggle with my Irish MiL and her mounds of potatoes and bread with every meal. I expect my children to behave in public.

Also at 5, my eldest had spent 1 night away from me (when I was in hospital having his sister) and by the time she was 5, dc2 had never stayed away from me. By 6, they both happily started camping at Beavers.

You obviously don't like her but when you marry someone from a different culture, there is always going to be these differences.

I'd share your concerns with the school ,and ask for it to remain anonymous
That way school can check lunch boxes and make sure one meal is adequate.

It doesn't sound great having carbs restricted so much and the sexism relating to toys.

But they aren't your children and it's not abusive. They can raise their children like this if they want so you should continue to say nothing.

At least their kids are well behaved and are not filling up on fizz and junk which is even worse.

I wasn’t getting at you. I’m just saying there is another post from a couple of days ago which has hundreds of comments on it and this is quite obviously the same woman. Frankly, she’s awful and I’m surprised the son has any contact with her at all. I’m sure the poor dil would also be delighted to know that her mil is now calling her Russian in order to get some more sympathetic responses too!

Read what I said instead of being so dismissive. The girls are 3 and 5. The ribcage article is a single opinion piece, albeit from a self proclaimed expert, not a referenced scientific study. It is from 2011 and talks about a 10 year old's rib cage. It is irrelevant. We are discussing children much younger. It really concerns me you are so obsessed with children and rib cages. It's weird.

And for what it's worth, yes you can see my 10 year old's rib cage...

Well the OP says she's Russian in first post so why would I go out hunting old posts of hers

Not allowing them to get muddy is very mean otherwise it sounds fine

Not bread of course 😂 was going to say bread isn't great for us.

Re the diet it may be that it's low 'processed carbs' and she is actually making sure they get carbs from their other foods. Bananas etc bread .
It maybe a cultural thing, I don't think saying anything will help - she's not going to turn around and suddenly say oh yes your right - kids here have a bag of crisps and take up football. You have to accept it I think x

She’s clearly not Russian. This is almost certainly the same poster who is upset that her son married a ‘forrinner’ and settled in Ukraine with her before having to move into a small flat in London. She told her son that she was a gold digger and too attractive for him.

Did you mean to be so rude

Comment on the message not the individual! Manners cost nothing and means a lot.

The article, if you read it properly, clearly states seeing a child's ribs as normal. There was comments on skinny which generally means a child's ribs are visible.

You may notice I didn't use abusive nor insulting language and managed to make my point

And fruit and veg are heavy on carbs too.

Stop worrying about carbs. If they're eating plenty of protein, their bodies can breakdown the protein molecules to make the carbs they need. We eat very carb-based diets in the west and it's not necessary.

From your other post. You clearly don't like her and you are not involved in their lives, only seeing them once a year.

If you want to be more involved in their lives then criticism of what they do on a day to day basis is not the way to do it.

They are doing things differently from how you would. They are allowed to.

If you want a relationship then you need to try much harder at keeping your views and opinions to yourself and try and actually develop a relationship with the children

Sounds like great parenting to me. I'm stricter than most British parents, (admittedly not as strict as op family, but not far off). I'm British but I have noticed that children with parents from certain countries are some of the best behaved/lovely kids I've met. The parents just have very high expectations for them.

My next door neighbours are Russian/English {Russian Mum} and the children are so well behaved!

And bilingual since they learned to talk.

Op having read all your replies the only part that I would have concerns over is the specific boy girl toys however, that on its own is not something to have too many discussion about. You don't agree with it (nor do I) but honestly as they grow they will adjust as they see fit.

Imo the food intake and amount sounds healthy and sensible. Perhaps a bit regimented but that is how some people live and if that works for them it's fine. (I would not want a roast every week for example)

The activities sounds normal and the Russian should very much be encouraged. I wish when mine were young there was this level of support for bi lingualism. I gave up and I wish I had been supported in this.

Edited to add mine were primary school age before they were left overnight. I am not a overprotective mother we just didn't have the need.

From your update on their diet, Fruit, veg, meat, fish, sounds very healthy. and just fine, sweet treat on Fridays.
It does sound healthy to me. No one needs to be full of bread and potatoes.
Think back before the processed food of the 70's. Apart from a slice of bread this is what people ate. Bread was put on the table to bulk out meals when there wasn't enough of the other foods. No one needs snacks between meals, another reason we are all pushing maximum density.

The (admittedly few) russian women I've met have all been very highly achieving engineers or economists so I wouldn't worry about them not being allowed to follow certain career paths.
Everything else sounds like typical Eastern European parenting TBH.

It sounds disciplined, but not extreme. Though the sexism (only ‘girls’ toys and dresses) is old-fashioned.

It must be hard being a grandparent when your kids raise your grandchildren in a very different way to you. But IMHO the job of a grandparent is to love and support their child, not to judge their partner. It sounds like you’ve already talked to your son about some of this. I’d be very careful and sensitive in how you bring it up. He could tell your DIL and she’ll naturally feel upset if you’re questioning her parenting. This will make your son feel torn.

If you want to be in your grand-daughter’s lives, focus on having fun with them when you see them and calling them for regular chats/sending little cards and gifts when you don’t. Respect the views and preferences of your son and DIL. For example, if they like them to do ballet, buy ballet-related gifts, as this shows a level of respect and support. As your GDs become older, they may push back on some of the disciplined eating and sexism. The important thing is you’re there for them, not standing in judgement of their mum.

Those ketogenic diets are for children with specific medical conditions and after medication has failed.

also all food turns to glucose in our bodies. Glucose is sugar. This is normal as are blood sugar spikes or responses. Carbs aren’t the enemy. Please if you love roast potatoes, eat them, don’t swap them for bloody swede. (Roast swede is nice and absolutely fine, but a potato it is not)