To sacrifice my career for my family

Get your training done. You don't want to return and find the requirements have changed and it's going to take longer/cost more.

Exactly this. 'Family' doesn't mean one person putting their wants, needs and desires on hold to ensure the wants, needs and desires of other family members are fulfilled. It means working together, sometimes compromising your ideals in favour of a middle ground that is acceptable to all. Op, if you enjoy your work then my advice would be to continue with it. So often women lose themselves to the needs of their families.

And for what it's worth, nobody really has children 'for someone else to raise them'. I don't believe or feel that, as a working mum. My dh and I are raising them. Our cm cares for them while we are working - for us, for them. For the family.

It's ok to decide to be a sahm. But do it for yourself, because you will feel fulfilled. It sounds though like you'd miss your work/ career. And that would be a great shame and end up feeling like a sacrifice. It's more difficult for women to just pick up where they left off, too, no matter how many will tell you that you can.

I'd love if you answered whether you and dh have really looked into the liabilities you're exposed to as a company director.

It’s not as simple as relying on someone else - it’s about working as a team and supporting one another. I don’t think making plans on the basis something will go wrong is a healthy approach. A relationship requires trust. Of course, I’m not naive enough to think these things could never happen, but if they do, I will go back to work and plan around it.

I’m also not saying men can have it all either - they can’t. My dh won’t be able to spend the same amount of time with our ds as me. But life is about seasons. In a few years, I plan to work again, and I know he will then take a back seat to support me in doing this. We actually discussed who would take the break now - but because of our personal circumstances it worked better this way. Of course, that’s not the same for everyone. We have both made sacrifices and that’s the way it is when you have young children.

37 is not old to qualify if you choose to qualify later! I think you are actually fortunate in that the career path you are choosing will wait for you, not like other career paths where pausing would mean returning to something lesser. Your kids will only be young once and your husband may not get this offer again so easily. But nursing definitely isn't going anywhere.

I would spend 2 years with the kids and then pick up the training again.

You're not going to be on your deathbed wishing you'd been a nurse for 2 extra years if you work for 20. You night we'll be wishing you'd had the time with your children though, they ate only small for a very short time.

I also agree that paid childcare is completely different to knowing they're with their dad.

Your aversion to childcare will limit your options.

What solutions is your DH coming up with? He's the one causing the issue so he should be at least contributing to coming up with a solution.

OP, only you can make this decision but I don't think anyone should ever give up their career to completely rely on someone else, because life is unpredictable and you never know what could happen.

But I have to say I really baulk at the posts saying women can't have it all, they gave up stuff they loved to be a SAHP etc. Because apparently men can have it all but women can't. They can get promoted and work all hours of the day and come home to their kids being looked after, their dinner cooked, a tidy house. But women have to give up their careers to support it.

You don’t have to make all the decisions now. Why don’t you try to carry on with your training and put childcare in place and if that’s not working out you can review the situation. You’re just making a decision for now rather than forever.

OP reading your posts it seems really clear to me what you actually want to do - so just do it! It doesn’t matter what anyone on here says.

I have said why I don’t think giving up training/career would be right for me and actually wouldn’t be right for most women. But who cares what I or any other anonymous stranger on here think? We don’t know you. Choose the option that makes your heart sing.

Speaking as a qualified nurse who has given up her PIN to be a stay at home mum, there is never a day where I regret my decision!
Nursing really really isn't all it's cracked up to be. I never knew anyone throughout my training and job that loved the job anymore, everyone echoed the same sentiment that it isn't what it used to be. It'll always be there if you want to do it whereas your children are little for such a short period of time and then it's gone. Personally I've seen more people progressing up the career ladder when the kids are older as their time is less torn.

I am a solicitor and so is my dh. We work long hours (even though I am part time) and with the commute etc it means we hardly get any time with our ds on the days I work - he spends a lot of time in nursery (longer hours than he would do at school). Keeping up with everything else is hard - exercising, cooking, washing, spending time together etc.

I love my job - it’s a career I’ve worked hard for. But life has thrown a lot at us recently (deaths of parents, amongst other things) and I think that’s made us really reassess what is important in life and ultimately that is time (and time together).

I think the problem is, as women, we’re taught we can have it all. Controversial, but I don’t think we can - not all at the same time anyway. Something always has to give. So, my dh is about to be promoted, we can afford to live off his salary and I’ve decided to take a break from my career. I know that’s a luxury and not everyone can afford it, but it sounds like you can OP.

My ds won’t be this small forever, these years are precious. I’m going to focus on him and my family instead. Then when my ds is at school, I can go back to my career if I want to (and I probably will because as I said, I enjoy it).

I know you’ve said you’re worried about your age and you wished you’d trained sooner - you can’t change that now. Is a few years really going to make a difference in the grand scheme of things? Yes, you probably could plough on and get it all done / make it work - but at what cost? There’s absolutely no rush - you will always have that career as an option.

So, no I don’t think it’s mad to take a break, to enjoy your family and a slower pace of life if you can afford to.

Can you not reduce your working hours and still train? Talk to work/training provider to assess if there are alternatives.

How much longer do you have training?

Does you husband actually expect you to sacrifice your career so that he can improve his? Did he discuss this with you before applying for the job? If so, what did you agree? If not, ask him what his solution is. This shouldn’t all be on you to make sacrifices.

Are you sure he can’t help?

I know many many company directors and people in senior jobs, and we manage perfectly ably to juggle work and childcare.

Sounds like he’s making excuses to not do it - and if it hasn’t even happened yet, he doesn’t know what it actually looks like.

My friends DH tried to do this recently: basically get her to quit her job as it made him feel more comfortable about accepting a promotion. My advice to her was as it is to you: tell him to put his big boy pants on, and with his new seniority insist on some flexibility to manage his family commitments / use some of his increased earnings to pay for childcare.

Do not give up your training! If the shit hits the fan, you need a job to fall back on.

How long have you got to go till you finish?
presumably only 1 or 2 years. I’d just go for it and use a nanny in the meantime. Once you’re qualified you can pull back. Do something more family friendly with your degree, term time. School nurse, community nursing, research nurse, or part time. You’ll have so many options and can flex your career to your family better as time goes on and the children grow.

It just seems really arse about face that you would give up something you are already doing (and enjoy) so that DH can do something different. You are in danger of doing all the leg work to facilitate a change that DH is making for himself.

I wouldn't give up. You've done well to career change in your 30s. Now is the time to capitalise on efforts already made. Your dc are 5 and 2, using childcare is absolutely fine. 2 busy parents is the norm. You can have a more relaxed life and give up on this new career before you've got through training but don't pretend it's going to be a massive benefit for your dc. It's just not.

I'd check out all the threads on the relationships board of women going it alone after death divorce separation. It is foolhardy to rely on one earner. You don't know for certain that you aren't going to need a career to fall back on. Certainly in my 40s with friends in their 40s and 50s now going it alone and some people who you never thought would break up (or die!) have done. It would be naive to assume you can just rely on your husband.

You have found a job you love?

That is something many people never achieve.

I would find a way to finish that training. Even if you have to take some leave/get a temporary nanny.

A professional qualification would be invaluable if anything unexpected happened later.

Has DH considered not taking the job? It sounds like he gas a good job currently that gives him a good balance. It would be a shame to lose that for a bit more money and a lot more stress for everyone.

Do not give up your career, please!!
It is the best security you can have; you can contribute biut also can future-proof yourself and children.
Even if it seems tempting at the moment, please consider all ecentualities and contingency plan for them
Your career is too important to sacrifice