I think this is the most vile thing I have ever heard *Trigger warning Suicide

Horrible situation and while she is still reeling from the shock she isn’t able to give her attention to practicalities.
Assuming she ends the relationship she needs to see if POS will buy her out, if not the house needs to go on the market.
She needs to maximise the household income, see what benefits son will be entitled too, make sure father of other children is paying child support. Find another house she can afford and rebuild her life.
There is going to be an issue in the meantime till the house can be sold and finding somewhere safe for her son till POS is out the house. Are grandparents a possible source of help? Rental property as a temporary measure? Murder POS and claim
the insurance?

Some people are incapable of empathy and, frankly, find adult children who are not theirs too much to cope with. They feel they should not have to cope with them and their problems, wishing they hadn't got into the situation in the first place.

However there is no excuse for being so nasty about it, things he said are terribly damaging.

I do think the relationship must end, partner is not a pleasant character. The son's mental health might well improve if he is not around.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader what an awful situ.

He the waste of space, piece of sh1t partner, needs to leave and now. Who does he think he is?

She needs to go talk to the bank and sort the mortgage out. They can pop her on an interest only or give her a payment break until it's sold. They will help her.

She can then sort her finances out ready to downsize or move slightly further out and commute into work. Lots of good towns with reasonably priced houses up the west coast mainline.

I am sending her and her son the best of everything good. ❤️

She’s got more than one child. Are the younger ones safe if the unwell DS comes home?

Having a child with multiple diagnoses and a history of suicide attempts means that your support network is pretty vital, and that's without considering continuity of care for her son and the complete mess services can make of transferring care to a different area.

Trying to stay in area isn potentially really important in this situation.

Is there more to this than you are saying? Has there been a lot of bad behaviour and agro from the son leading up to this point? It doesn't make sense that he would banish her son from the house just for having a mental health crisis.

Absolutely no one comes before your Child/Children regardless off their age and certainly not some nasty vicious brute.

She’ll never get over what DP has said. He’s broken their relationship beyond repair.

And she’d never forgive herself if DS didn’t continue to recover from his MH problems, and god forbid the worst happened.

She doesn’t really have a choice. But it sounds like she needs time to process what’s happened and get her ducks in a row.

I find it takes 24 hours after a shock like this to be able to think straight. Your support to help her work through the practicalities and hand hold will be priceless.

How long does she have before DS comes home?

Child has attempted suicide but the DM should centre the man?

What other behaviours does the 23yo show around the house that are excused because of his mental health and other diagnoses? Is it possible the partner has reached the end of his tolerance and is sick of seeing FM on the receiving end of poor behaviour?

Just an alternative to think about.

Exactly. As someone who has had a child self harm my life STOPPED. All my focus was on saving my child who thankfully is well now. I would not have wasted 2 seconds worrying about my heartbreak over some man.

People only show their true colours when they think they've got it made. There are a few charities which can help with young adult mental help, but unfortunately they can't financially help. As DS has left hospital then family member is unlikely to be defined as a carer and eligible for pip & carers allowance but it could be worth double checking as he is over 18.

If she is supporting her DS then the house is sold and she and her son can get a place together.

Imagine having a miserable life all for the sake of a bloody house! She needs to get her priorities right.

Can her and her children live with family (you?) while she gets legal advice, gets the house on the market and gets her equity out?

Has anyone told the PoS that he is extremely likely to be the reason why the boy feels like he does? I would suggest that whilst the PoS lives there that it's not safe for the son to be there. The PoS is sick in the head, hates that someone got attention from his partner "family member". Disgraceful pathetic man child.

Tell her to look at exactly what she could claim in this scenario.

It has to be cheaper for the government to support her to care for her son in her home, than for her local council/ NHS trust to provide that support elsewhere.

Her partner has now said enough is enough he does not want DS back in the house, its him or DS.

So she chooses DS. She starts the separation process, put the house up for sale etc.

In the meantime her partner cannot stop her DS living there.

It only happened today, l imagine, she’s only just trying to work out what to do.

This is very shocking and I'm sure your family member is devastated. How cruel, the situation you describe seems to indicate that she is trapped with this terrible man. He should move out, is there no hope of that?

@soupfiend I'm sorry if you had to move away involuntarily. It's appalling imo - the social cleansing of Londoners, and it's an issue that needs to be addressed.

In the meantime, although it's stressful for anyone to be forced to move away from their home area (as opposed to doing it by choice), the FM's son is very vulnerable - and has recently attempted suicide.

Understandably he and his mum need to stay near their family and support. In their case, staying where they're from and where they have vital family support is not a luxury.

This isn't the same situation as when someone has no serious support needs or vulnerabilities. My friend is from London and lives in my area now. She didn't move here though when very vulnerable and actively suicidal.

Someone living where they want to live is indeed a luxury. Living where they need to live is very much not a luxury.

He got a bed in a shared flat with support workers on site 24hrs, a social worker and much better help than my mum who needed to work and had other children could offer.

Depending on the son's needs, that might be worth looking into. However I understand that London is very very bad for this type of provision. It's often simply "slumlord" HMOs (and mixed needs, so not necessarily safe for the son) and with little to no support. It's possible also that there are some genuine supported housing schemes in London, I don't know.

I do wonder though about the affect on the son's mental wellbeing if his mum stays with the stepfather figure - who wishes him dead. Whether or not the son is living with them.

I can understand how difficult it could be for parents and siblings. But in this case, the partner is father to the other children but not the vulnerable son. Would the partner be saying what he's saying if it was one of his children? Also even if he found it difficult to cope with the son's ill health, he's outright wished him dead. That's unforgivable.

It's a sad state of affairs when a child is safer outside their own home.

Why can't her and the son move in with you then temporarily?

Goodbye partner. DS all the way.

If her son comes back to the family home - and as pps have pointed out, this may not be the best thing for her son, he may be better off in some type step down care - will her partner move out? That would seem to be the best result, then they can separate assets etc.

If partner refuses to leave before house sold, can she get a safety order for her son, where he commits not to abuse him in anyway - if there is such a thing in England, I'm in Ireland where it's an option, police can remove the offender if breached.

And as others have said, maybe there is a lot of history to this, maybe her partner snapped as life had been so chaotic for the whole family, maybe he's been an abusive bully for years, but the key thing is to support your FM to ensure her son and other children are safe, whether that's best served by him being at home or not.