To think it is ok to go away with an ex (if you have kids)

No it doesn't always end hence the OP and many of the posts replying.

Days out, yes. Holidays, no. It's unnecessary and causes confusion for the children because it will invariably end when a new partner comes on the scene.

This is such a strange comment. Spending a week together with someone you are friends with versus being fully intertwined with somebody with all the many expectations of a relationship when you just want to be alone.
I just can't think of the difference 😂

I think if you want to do this you have to be very careful about confusing the children. I've seen the impact in real life, although I concede that particular situation is one in which it wasn't amicable or even vaguely healthy even while the parents were doing things together "as a family".

I think overall, a friendly and amicable co-parenting arrangement should absolutely be the goal, but the lines can be very blurry, especially for children.

There is an intimacy to being parents that I think will also always make this sort of thing a bit trickier.

I don’t suggest future partners should come before children- in my post I said the children should come first- it would be very wrong to mr if they didn’t.
no jealousy over the ex here. I respect her as mother of my DH children and am glad we have a relationship where we can all talk about the kids and any issues or concerns with them. She also has a partner and we all get on fine. My DH and his ex do a great job of co parenting.
but to me holidays would be over stepping the mark. Would be confusing for the kids also.

I wouldn't care.

Massively disrespectful to your current partner. Probably ok if you're single.

Flip the script. Would you be bothered, no matter how many years ago they parted ways if your boyfriend/husband said "honey, I'm going on holiday with Julie for a few weeks. We're taking the kids"

You'd be PISSED!

There is nothing at all to suggest that OP clearly wants to be with her ex. It is possible for two people who share children to want to experience things together, and have the convenience of not parenting alone, without it meaning they still fancy each other.

You sound like you are projecting your own jealousy over the ex, not commenting on the OP.

Why do you think possible future partners should be considered over the wishes of two existing adults and their children? Even if new partners did exist, they are not the priority for good parents who put their children first.

OP- you clearly still want to be with this person. As a SM/ 2nd wife who has navigated this situation for 10 years- birthdays, Xmas, school events etc- YES Holidays- NO.
in fact I’ve been to a few school events with my DH ex wife when he has been away working. A few where we have gone together.
Also occasions where I take a step back and it’s more appropriate for just Mum and Dad to go.
a holiday would be a big NO from me.
The kids come first, but there has to be boundaries for everyone
it sounds as though you haven’t met anyone else. Have you thought about their feelings if they did?
a harder Q for you (I’m assuming) how would you feel if your ex met someone else???

this is reason 2 why i won't.
I can handle him for a day out when we're buying food and not having to do domestic things.. but i know the moment i'm sharing domestic space with him again, the same issues that made me leave him (him being controlling, mean, and a martyr to doing anything he thinks is my job) would just start up again.

If it's fine for you it's fine.

I'm very amicable with my sons dad. But would I want to be with him all the time ( if we weren't with other people) HELL NO. And how would it have been to DSs advantage if we had staged together " for him"

I think it's fine.

A former boss of mine went on holidays with his ex and their children. I remember thinking it was so nice that they got on as friends and were able to do this. (It wasn’t the only thing they still did together, they really seemed to be friends, it just hadn’t worked out as a relationship).
If you and your ex think you can do this, go for it.

My kids have loved and appreciated it, exDP and I are best mates. You do what works for you. Ignore the negative ones on here, they either have shit exes or are jealous of good ex relationships and are getting defensive.

Crazy talk. Your kids’ minds will be all over the place with this. They’re kids!! Not rational adults - even some adults would find this confusing.
Stop being ridiculous. You need boundaries for the children’s sake. Grow up.

Same. We did days out, holidays, still helped each other out with all sorts, hung out
The kids have said how easy and positive we made it and it meant they've had no anxiety about it.
I know I would have liked it when I was a child. Instead of wishing they could get on at least, and still have family times.

My husband's parents split up when he was in his teens and did amicable family days for over 20 years until fil died. He hated it, much preferred seeing them apart, seeing them together made him tense and brought back unhappy memories. He never told them though

Some people cannot stand each other. That being said if you are not like this (it does not come across that you are) then I think it’s lovely that you are able to consider doing this for your children and also each other.

I do think that you would need to discuss some things and set some clear boundaries around partners. Someone new coming into the picture may change this dynamic and both of you will need to appreciate that any prior arrangement may not work moving forwards. You should both be prepared for this.

Whilst some have commented saying that it might confuse the children I am inclined to disagree. As long as you have separate rooms and there is no blurring of the lines regarding your relationship/affection then it seems a positive way of demonstrating to you children that relationships breakdown and that families can still work and people can still be amicable towards one another. There are so many relationships that fail and become bitter with the kids often suffering because parents can’t get along. If you both believe that you can make this work then absolutely go for it.

If and it’s a bit If they didn’t have a new wife or partner/gitrlfriend, maybe. Wife, partner/girlfriend I’d be pissed and it would be a deal breaker if we were married!

My parents split when I was 6 and my sister 3. They spent every christmas and several holidays together when we were young so they wouldn't miss out on things.

They were always clear that it didn't mean they were getting back together, but we never really thought to question it. We didn't have issues with new partners either.

Me and my sister are both in our 30s now and are glad they got on as well as they did and were both there for early holidays and Christmases.

It was much easier than when we were a little older and took turns of which parent we saw for Christmas or holidays.

Absolutely not and I say this as a child who had parents who did this. As a child you want your parents to be together, you are creating false hope and adding further confusion to what is already a hard time. I believe that your motives are selfish (although may come from a good place). Also the moment one of you finds another partner this situation will cause problems, the new partner will be the bad guy/girl in your child’s mind for stopping the family time, it will cause resentment towards the step parent who may well be in their lives forever. I still blame my step dad for ripping our family apart 35 years on, I know in my adult rational mind that is not the case but as a child I despised him, our relationship as a result got off to a very rocky start and I ultimately left home at a very young age and had nothing to do with him (or my mum) for a few years. You are setting yourself up for a big fall. I have 3 siblings and we were all affected in the same way. My dad equally felt the massive hurt when the pretend happy family ceased and the new partner was (rightly so) given some consideration, he went completely off the rails (the original split was mutual) he left the country and turned his back on us all, I didn’t see him for 20 years. He is now back in my life but it’s a minimal call in a blue moon relationship, I don’t think of him as a dad anymore. Our parents could have made our lives so much easier by just going their separate ways and being civil, but they didn’t, they wanted to create happy family memories so we spent many years living a weird existence, people gossiped behind our backs, we never knew where we stood and ultimately all they did was cause us added stress. 2 of my siblings are no longer in contact with my parents at all, I speak to my brothers maybe once a year, my sister a little more - their well intended actions fractured our family beyond repair. No one has met my dads new wife or subsequent children, he has a new normal family. Oh and weirdly sometimes the two of them will still talk and go meet each other, sometimes I actually now feel sorry for the step father that I dislike so strongly. My mum told me once they were bound together as a result of having 4 children and whilst they would never want to be together they will always be important to one another. Personally I think they are both a bit fucked up and confused. I apologise for the rant, I do hope though that me digging deep and expressing how it has affected my life and those of my siblings and parents makes you rethink - it’s not healthy. It’s great if you can get along and be civil, enjoy your child’s birthday party together but you certainly do not need to take that first ski trip together as a family, you are not a family, you are 2 individuals who share children.

I holiday with my ex and two kids. Separate bedrooms. Kids don't seem to think it's confusing. We tend to go with other families too, not sure I'd go just us four. But that's cos I wouldn't want to sit in just us two adults every night with the kids in bed. I imagine it will fizzle out when one of us gets a serious partner. But it works for now.

I was really grateful last time because I had a bad sickness bug abroad and it made me realise how buggered I would have been without another adult to help.

I don’t understand why you aren’t still together if you can happily spend a week on holiday together? If things are that amicable and neither of you has met someone else you may as well have just stayed together for the kids.

Perfectly reasonable thing to do and I’m utterly baffled by those who say it’s ‘inappropriate’. How? Why?

My ex and I separated 6 years ago. We have three children. I have a new partner. I go on holiday with my ex and the kids. Would I go on holiday just with him? Hel no! But we get along fine and with the kids it’s ok.

Like you, the kids are differing ages / interests and one has autism so having two adults there is useful.

And those who say it’s ‘confusing’ for the kids aren’t crediting then with much intelligence. Kids are perfectly able to compute that ‘Mummy and Daddy aren’t a couple any more but we are friends and we love you so we’re happy to be able to go on holiday together’. Or similar age appropriate words.

My new partner isn’t remotely bothered by it as he’s sensible and knows I’m 100% emotionally invested in him and understands our reasons and that it’s goos for the children to see my ex and I having a sensible healthy way of managing things.