To think I can’t manage a job on top of children?

If you're only working 3 days a week could you put the baby in childcare for a half day on one of your non-working days and just whizz round the house doing as much cleaning and tidying as you can?

I empathise OP, I think the rushing in and out of work and everyone tired etc when you get home is really really draining.

On a practical level - food deliveries. Have 3-4 quick standard meals you make mid week so you don't have to think. If the kids have a late meal at nursery they don't need a cooked meal on those evenings.

Let them watch TV for 20-30 mins when you get in so you can sit down.

Cleaning at weekends - we both do about an hour, split and alternate jobs.

I often put a wash on in the evening and hang it up in the morning.

Have the kids "help" with chores on the days they're not in childcare - it's easier to involve them in e.g. Cooking than trying to entertain them while you cook.

And mostly try to let go of any expectations of yourself. If your midweek evenings involve falling asleep as soon as the kids are down that's OK. It's frustrating not having any you time, but as others have said it will pass.

It can be possible to balance working full-time and have two young children but of course depends on circumstances. I’ve worked full time since my two were 12 months and it was very tiring but doable. As long as the kitchen is clean and hygienic during the week, the rest of the cleaning can wait til weekends. Prep the childrens’ clothes and bags the night before if possible and push anything you can do during the week to the weekend. It can be done but it isn’t easy. It’s not forever though and they soon grow up and make their own breakfast and get their own clothes ready. Makes it a lot easier. Good luck.

Three days a week this should be manageable. But for the immediate future do you have any annual leave you can take to help you take stock?
You need to create a routine that works for you and if that means spending some of your non working days doing housework with the toddler then that will help

I know from my friendship group - the women have professional office jobs, the men have trades - for us this means I can have flexible working etc, but he is expected to be on site 7.30-4.30, obviously can’t wfh etc. His trade requires two of them to be on site at all times for safety, so he can’t even start later to do drop off as then the team is behind. It’s just inherently a less flexible industry. Mine is one of the decent ones who doesn’t pretend to stay late and genuinely tries to be home as close to 4.30 as possible to do bedtime and clean the house!

Outsource everything you can for this temporary period in your life. Cleaner, gardener, online shopping. Expensive but remember - temporary. Eat the same food on the same nights. Do simple meals like beans on toast, scrambled eggs, vegetable soup and a pudding. Have a half hour every evening where you and your husband have a blitz round of the house, then get to bed early enough to relax. Do not have impossible standards!

No advice here sorry, just solidarity! 3YO and 11 month old (who wakes 6-7 times a night), and a FT (thankfully flexible) job, with a partner who has to be out the door at 7. Im hoping it gets easier? 😬

Couldn't he look for work closer to home? Has he put in a flexible work request?

Lots of people (men) say they have to do certain hours but it's not always the 100% true (my friend's husband tells his family he doesn't get paid carers leave when infact he 100% does)

You so made me laugh about cleaning up before the cleaner comes(!) That's so me- wouldn't want cleaner to think I lived like a pig & would clean up before they came LOL!

I'm so frustrated at yet another thread where the DP can't change his hours, has no flexibility and it's the woman keeping on top of all the housework and child rearing but has somehow managed to reduce her hours to be flexible. I'm fed up of reading time and time again of these piss poor husbands that just can't or won't pull their weight at home.

Working and childcare is hard but manageable if you both contribute at home. Regardless of when your husband gets home, he should be helping out putting kids to bed and housework.

OP I have a weekly cleaner and I genuinely do no housework. I can't remember the last time I did any whatsoever!

I don't understand how outsourcing your cleaning wouldn't save you time? I repeat I have kids and do zero housework but still have a clean house...

It sounds like you've only had bad cleaners so far, we went through quite a few bad ones before we found a good cleaner. But a good cleaner - and as another pp said a nanny - is a godsend.

With a nanny and a cleaner you'd get up - not get any kids ready, not do any cleaning - and just go to work. You could also pay your cleaner to do your laundry.

If you can't afford it ofc, that's different. But if you have the cash and need help, that's your solution.

You need to get a wfh job or DH needs to get a different job.

There are a lot of "has to" and "can't"s in your posts. You're making it all a lot of hard work because you can do the things you say you can't.

The truth is you can change things, you're choosing to find reasons not to. If you want to make a big difference you need to make a big change.

He has a two hour commute?

I'd say solo parenting 6 out of 7 is pretty tough in my option. I'm lucky that I'm married to someone who actually does his equal share but Mumsnet is full of people with lazy arse partners and it makes people think that any form of help is amazing (and he isn't helping her- he's parenting his own kids on those days).

Firstly this is quite common at your life stage - things gradually get better over time

Second- cut corners where you can , drop your standards as much as possible . Basic hygiene - yes - anything else ( ironing , presents , birthday parties , phoning your family , anything other people expect you to do ) no

Hello lovely. My thoughts are that you need to be more kind to yourself & not try to be superwoman. Definitely do not give your job up - after all at work you're allowed to have tea/coffee breaks, are allowed to go to the loo without someone hammering on the door & you are a person, not someone's mum, partner etc. Work gives you financial independence and an identity that you would miss. So, the house is a bit more of a mess than you would prefer it to be, clothes are a bit crumpled. So blooming what? I was a single mum for nearly 10 years - returned to work when DS was 3 months old (I was widowed when PG) work was a life-saver for me, Now, aged 61, I have a pension, a new DH who l love the very bones of & a well-balanced DS who has a work ethic. I batch cooked & always had 5 days-worth of meals in the freezer, my son (now a chef with his own restaurant) learned to cook as soon as he was able to stand on a chair & stir a sauce (closely supervised of course). DS did his own ironing from about the age of 13 & from day 1 learned to clear up after himself - hoovering aged 4 etc etc. But I also had to let my standards of household cleanliness drop - family time much more important than a clean kitchen floor.

Recycle me please I’m sure being a single parent running a home is really tough but is it really true to say you have ‘no help’ when you also say that you have a kid-free day a week? Also you don’t say whether or not you have any family help?

Can your husband start to look for work closer to home? That is unless he is a very high earner in his current job and then you can stop work or pay to get a load of help in.

This is a problem for both parents to solve. It seems to always be the case that the man can't possibly change his hours or job to make family life better, always the woman who has to run herself ragged.

How does he commute? If on public transport can he at least do things like online shop etc on the commute?

Your husband needs to do a lot more, he’s working ( including travel ) for only 60 hours a week out of 168. What is he doing with that 100 hours ? Because you say you are doing the night wakings as well.

You might find that you have more time if you go full time and then divide everything else 50:50.

Your DH needs to figure out his working situation, he has 2 kids, being out of the house from 7-7 for 5 days and just expecting anyone else to pick up the slack isn’t sustainable. He needs to negotiate some flexibility with his current employer or look elsewhere, either closer to home or with flexibility.
Leaving the house at 7 for a 9 am start is ridiculous.

The answer is not for women to give up their pensions and lifetime earning potential so they have more time to clean and take on the running tasks of a family because their ‘D’H thinks you can have kids with almost no impact on his lifestyle.

Try a housekeeper rather than a cleaner. Tidying for a cleaner just adds to the stress in busy household. You need someone who will muck you out no matter what state they find it in.

In practical measures, I found working a day ahead or doubling up useful for tea so it was just ready. Slow cooker also well used and frozen pre cut veg was a good send. No real difference once it's been in 8 hours.

Overnight oats are a very easy work breakfast. Eat it at your desk if job allows and gain a few minutes.

If you don't have one already a battery hoover. It makes cleaning up after toddlers a two minute job.

I made everyone use quick drying towels in winter. I don't iron anything but also did away with ironing basket. I collect from line and fling it on bed. Then it has to be dealt with that day and doesn't build to a massive task.

On my days off we did a lot of park and picnic. The main purpose was that all the mess was outside and it was less hours to destroy the house rather than because I wanted to go to the park!

The night waking does settle but make sure you are taking a decent multivitamin and accept that standards might slip for a while.

I sympathise! We muddle through; I do 3.5 days a week, would prefer 4, but there’s always something. Routines help a bit but we’ve just emerged from the youngest’s third bout of HFM for the eldest to get noro; it’s not very often we’re actually in the swing of a routine. And when you think you are, something else gets added to the mix like swimming lessons or whatever.

Cleaning in the mornings with a 16 month old? How?! Laughable.

We only manage to muddle through because DP only commutes two days a week and the rest WFH and I WFH and can flex a bit as self-employed, so he shares the school and nursery runs 3x a week. He does all the washing, multiple loads a week – we couldn’t leave it to the weekend if we tried, both children are absolute raccoons. He does the big shop from my meal plan.

Some things that do help: shitloads of uniform and PE kit so the raccoon children can raccoon away and we’re not left frantically digging through laundry midweek for clean stuff. Decluttering ruthlessly so there’s less mess to wade through for our cleaner – I find it massively stressful too but she’s happy to come to a messy house, and unloads and stacks the dishwasher, washes up the breakfast stuff while I’m on the school run. Whereas previously I was frantically tidying beforehand. We get a bit less cleaning in the same time slot as she’s tidying, but it’s better than the nothing I achieve.

Meal plan, batch cook, messy house, children a bit feral and raggedy of toenail. Big calendar and holiday planner and a lot of fish finger, chips and peas type dinners. Accepting the chaos for now. DP pulling his weight with long-distance admin on the days I’m doing all the drop offs and pick ups and bedtimes - so he’ll book the mot, renew the insurance, order the bigger size shoes, all the online stuff, from the train. Divide and conquer.