To think I can’t manage a job on top of children?

I was actually going to say similar - I often complain I don’t have enough time but if I look at my screen time I spend way more time on my phone than I should!

That is not affordable for the huge majority.

I would be a sahp until the youngest is infant school age. It’s not long, goes in a flash. Great memories. It worked out for me.

Get a really good cleaner!! I love ours. They even change bed sheets and clean out the fridge. Put feelers out amongst Facebook community boards asking for recommendations. I think without ours the house would be in full blown chaos

Totally agree.

I think it’s really important to prioritise your sleep it’s really hard when you are exhausted. Then it’s all about getting ahead and planning. When you are ahead and have everything ready it’s much easier than just reacting to xyz. Little children need directed otherwise they cause chaos then whilst you sort that out chaos ensues elsewhere. You just run around putting out fires and are completely knackered.

It is just hard but it does get easier, first year of nursery is no joke. Thankfully only 3 hard days a week for you though and you need to try and appreciate that - it helps to only have to be somewhere for a time 3 days a week.

DH does need to do what he can when he can so getting the bags ready the night before, online food shopping and meal planning, putting it away, tidying up the toys, batch cooking, a clothes wash a day etc

I presume you can’t get much done when you’re looking after both so all those jobs need to be split between you in your evenings.

you need to get up really early - at least 90 minutes before you leave. Wash your hair the night before. Plan outfits the night before.

it really helps if nursery will feed breakie.

make the most of non working days. Rest!!

It wasn’t why you started the thread but it is your problem. If your DH was more involved and engaged then your life would be easier.

My DH out earns me by a fair amount and I’m on a good bit above the average salary. He gets both kids ready in the morning, does breakfast, drop offs, finishes early one day a week minimum to do pick up and then a second day gets home just after I come back from pick up rather than the 7pm on his normal full days.

Its entirely possible for men to add flexibility other work schedules in the same way as women do every day.

The more you opt out of work in favour of doing a load of laundry the more you’re putting your DH and his big man job on a pedestal. Your income will lag behind because you’re prioritising him over and over.

Has he applied for flexible working? If not why not. I’d look at what adjustments he can make. It’s unfair he’s not doing drop or pick up.

It is really hard OP I feel your pain. In term time my DH leaves at 5/6am and gets back at 6pm - 6 days a week - so he is around to help with bedtime but not in the mornings apart from a Sunday. My eldest is now at school and it's a 5/10min drive, I WFH 3 days a week with occasional UK travel. I do all drop offs and pick ups.

DH unloads the dishwasher and puts away all dry washing up from the previous night before he goes to work (he gets up at 4am). Then often does a fair bit of the washing up in the evening too.

I do the following to make things easier:

• have some set meals eg Tuesdays we have stir fry because i haven't got time to cook anything else and Sainsbury's delivery it on a Tuesday 😁
• Sainsbury's home delivery every week same day
• cook for two meals eg chili = chili and pasta the first night and tacos the second
• batch cook and freeze stuff, I do this with stuff like bean burgers, mini nut roasts and then just have to add carb and veg.
• kids clothes are in boxes downstairs - one box each and all their day to day clothes stay in there. School uniforms are in a box inside the box 😁 to keep it separate from normal clothes. Then I have another smaller box which I put eldests uniform in for the next day so I just hand him the box in the morning when he needs to get dressed.
• when youngest was teeny, we paid our neighbour to batch cook for us which was an amazing help
• daily clothes wash which you could start in the morning and then in the evening you or DH sort the previous day dry washing then hang up just washed - I do this while watching TV on my phone (so I can carry it round with me!) or listen to podcast etc - make it a bit enjoyable!
• use boxes for everything to group items and make it easy to tidy and find stuff. E.g. box in the kitchen of cables/chargers,
• make packed lunches the day before, ideally have more than one lunchbox for each child that needs it so you can have tomorrow's ready before that days one comes home.

It's doable and I have done this (both of us have senior roles with long hours) but you don't sound like you want to work?

@icannotdoeverything you have just described my life for the last 10 years however both parents working full time with 2 young children and no outside support except for nursery.
It made me get organised very quickly, both parents need to be 50/50 for the time they are in thouse/with children.
Meal planning/making double and freezing for another day, Tumble dryer and getting a cleaner alternate weeks saved my soul.
Routine and lower standards also help 👍

I think you’re just tired from lack of sleep. You only work three days so plenty of time for keeping on top of washing and cleaning (or tidying for a cleaner).

Sort the sleep. Problem solved.

I managed to work 5 days a week with 3 children (5 years between them all) a husband who was away up to 9 months of the year( often in a conflict zone) i had no family within 250 miles of me at my closest and thousands of miles when i was furthest away.
Not saying you are not organised and focused but my Daughter complained of not enough hours in her day until she checked her daily phone use, 5 hours of scrolling on SM. Be honest with yourself.

Having a nanny is an absolute luxury and afforded by the minority. I totally get how u feel exhausted OP. If you really need to work 3 days for financial reasons, then you will just have to deal with it. I'm not being unsympathetic as I appreciate it is exhausting but this is the reality of working life with children. I worked FT since my child was 10 months old (single parent) and life was like a hamster wheel. No car, early starts, dropping off to childminder etc etc.
Take care of yourself, things will get better

Did you sleep train your first?

I'd crack on with that tbh, you'll feel so much better when you can sleep through.

Both my husband and I work full time , and we have two little children.
They both start childcare at 7.20 and have breakfast there. So in the morning it's just up, dressed, teeth, go. Clothes and bags laid out the night before.
One of us makes a slow cooker meal the night before and puts it in before we go out. Each meal makes approx one extra portion which goes in the freezer.
Pick them up by 5.30, they watch TV / potter / annoy me while I get bags ready, put clothes wash on, do dinner.
Then it's a mad dash for bed time and on to a new day!
If I had more cash I'd definitely pay for a cleaner, and that's my goal for when I'm not paying over 2k a month on childcare.

This all makes my life sound very monotonous when it's laid out like this in fact...

The bigger my job, the easier it has become to plan my own hours. The reason everyone is mentioning your husband is because you seem to think it's all on you. How would you react if he came to you and said he was at breaking point? What would you do to help him ? You're looking for tips, but 50/50 is the main one. I mean it's RELENTLESS but lots of us did it and emerged

Get a cleaner who doesn’t mind some tidying. As long as you are nice, reasonable about your expectations and you pay you will be able to find someone who understands where you’re at and is a genuine help

Your husbands commute is the issue.

He's spending 3.5 hours a day, not at work and not at home.

Can you move closer? Can he get a job nearer home?

3.5 hours a day is 17.5 hours a week. He's spending more time commuting than you are working. No wonder you feel stretched.

It’s a man’s world
I have 11DD, 3DD, full time job luckily from home, I’m by default expected to do all the washing, cooking, cleaning, pick ups and drop offs, whilst trying to manage to work, my 3 year old is home every afternoon.
I had a dream the other night someone gave me a pill to sleep for 48 hours and then cleaned my house. Wake up time 😂😂

Its exhausting.

However if you're exhausted/at breaking point and he's just "tired" the split is wrong.

Sometimes its about expectations as well. My friend finds it all too much but once admitted in the pub that deep down she didn't truly believe she'd work when her children were small, she just assumed somehow she wouldn't have to as her own mum didn't. Whereas my mum always worked, I always expected DH and i would be juggling work and kids.