To think I can’t manage a job on top of children?

He could get 3 hrs of house work in

But who needs 3hrs of housework a day ?!

Op, if you are able put your kids in an extra day a week to nursery or fortnight to give yourself a break! It will all feel much more manageable for you I promise and get a better cleaner xx

Agree. He could get three hours of housework in and still be in bed before 11, getting seven hours sleep before arising at 6 to be ready to leave at 7. I'm not sure what the problem is. Two adults with a total of six hours each evening to do childcare/batch cooking/laundry/housecleaning seems like it would be plenty.

Also why can't he clean on Saturday or Sunday mornings?

You’re doing better than you think.
Arriving on time to work is fine. It’s not late, it’s on time. You don’t need to rush and flap to gain 2 minutes.
DH needs to help/lead the weekend reset with the kids and take them out for an hour or two so you can nap. And vice versa.
You're in the trenches age wise and it won’t be this bad for long!

“Working from home”. Clue is the in the name. If OP feels “Managing kids and house is a FT job” then she cannot work from home as some sort of back door to look after the kids.

We’re in a similar situation. I have a four year old and a 17 month old who also doesn’t sleep, and I work four days a week.

We’ve found a good, reliable cleaner. Yes it’s super stressful getting the house tidy before she comes but actually that helps because once a week the house is guaranteed to be tidy, as well as clean!

I meal plan and mainly order online. When we’re really tired and life is particularly hectic then we default to ready meals, jacket potatoes, quick cook pasta and anything you can bung in an over. Not great I know but it makes life easier which makes my mental health easier! We always have a freezer full of food so there is always something to eat at least.

I have rolling lists on my phone of things that need doing an upcoming plans, and a rolling shopping list on our Alexa.

All bags are packed the night before. We tag team at the weekend between get housework done, looking after the kids, and getting a break. One lie in each on the weekend.

I drink a lot of coffee.

We both get an evening a week to do our own thing (more obviously if someone has plans, but as a standard at least one night a week to exercise, see friends etc)

School has now made the juggle harder so we are still finding our feet with the new routine but it’s just about being as organised as possible, and getting help in when you need it if you can afford it. I.E we don’t iron much at all but anything we do want ironing we pay someone to do it.

... and if you don't have a drier, hard recommend for a heated airer.

It's really tough OP, relentless is the right word for it, it's exhausting! We do a few things that make life a bit easier for us, little and often in terms of housework, routine and organisation.

Your husband comes in and is in charge of bedtime, whilst he's doing that, you straighten up the kids mess, wash the dishes and start yours and your husbands dinner. Does your washing machine have a timer? If so, put a load in before you go to bed and set the timer so it starts early enough that it's done when you wake up, transfer to drier/radiators when you get up and shove another load in which gets transferred to the drier/when you get in from work. That's the kids in bed, the house tidied up and two loads of washing done per day.

Organisation and routine, everyone's clothes are out and bags are packed the night before, your husband can do this once he's done bed and you're finishing off dinner and when one of you are washing your dinner dishes, the other makes packed lunches for morning. Anything at all to make mornings as simple as possible.

What time do your children wake? Could your husband help with getting them downstairs and getting breakfast?

Make a chore list and you and your husband tackle it together on a Saturday morning, if you divide and conquer it shouldn't take long at all, but ultimately you'll need to lower your standards in terms of your housework for a few years until your kids get a little older.

I had similar OP, but DC2 was twins. I'd say:

• Sleep train ASAP - hire a reputable sleep consultant if need be, bite the bullet and do it. You'll be far happier and more effective at work.
• Identify what makes morning chaotic and address it. Breakfast messy - have toast and butter. Finding clothes/shoes - put everything on the sofa/kitchen table the evening before, down to socks and undies.
• Buy more basic clothes to ease laundry pressures. I buy black/navy leggings in packs of 10 for example.
• Easier dinners - in this house that would be soup and bread, or an omelette with veg on the side, or a ready meal, or pasta and sauce.
• Have a clear routine for your non-working days. Eg, after breakfast 30 minutes spent processing washing while the kids watch TV. Then out with them, carrying on with day. Evening/while they nap, another household task.
• Declutter. Toys quickly hidden away and then donated if they are outgrown, find an easy outlet for clothes etc outgrown.

I'm sorry, but your husband arriving home from work at 7pm still leaves him with plenty of time to contribute, a lot of mothers come home from work at that time and still do dinner and childcare!

Putting that aside, my practical advice is to just lower your standards and accept that the house is not going to be spotless, also have a set dinner menu you make every week and a grocery delivery same time every week with the same ingredients. Alternate between quick meals and ready meals.

It is really hard. My partner works away for several months at a time so it is hard but doable. I clean the bathroom when they're in the bath. I tidy their bedrooms when they're getting ready for bed etc. I do have a cleaner who comes fortnightly but I just try to keep on top of it as I go.
On a Sunday, plonk them in front of a film/ipad etc. and batch cook for the week so that when you get home in the evening, dinner is much quicker. Making a meal plan is an absolute godsend. We have a 4 week rota and I stick to it pretty rigidly. I also eat with the kids.
I work full time and I am usually tired. It's just the way it is. If your husband is home on the weekends, take it in turn to have a lay in and get a routine in place.
You can do it

Solo parent to ten year old twins from day dot here. Went back to work four days a week from when they were six months. (Although I had a second job that I could do at home in the evenings). Went back to work full time when they went to school. It’s hardcore. Lower those standards - everybody fed, nobody dead is fine. A tumble dryer saved me in terms of washing. I try to clean as I go (a portable Dyson is also a godsend) and I do a full house clean once a fortnight. By the end of the fortnight it’s a tip, but we survive! And train your kids young. My ten year olds put all their washing away. One empties the bins every weekend the other cleans the bathroom every weekend. They help clear the table and load the dishwasher. They help unpack the weekly shop. They live in the house, they help tidy it (appreciate you’re a way off from that, but start them young with tiny jobs). And before anyone leaps on me, they have a lovely childhood sea swimming, having play dates, going to the park, cinema, bike rides etc etc.

I get that it feels tough, but you're only doing three days a week. What happens on the other four? It's plenty of time to shove one wash on each day and do some batch cooking. Buy a few square casserole dishes and shove food in the freezer. It can come out in the morning, defrost on the side and then in the oven for an hour in the evening.
For the cleaner, just pick tasks that don't need pre-tidying. So - clean the fridge, clean the skirting boards, hoover the stairs, high dusting, behind the sofa etc etc... there's plenty.

There was a thread similar to this not that long ago, and it turned into a DH bashing thread and I don't get it. It's not a that easy to change jobs/roles/hours as people think. I am in a similar position to you OP, only I do have GP's who are very helpful and do pick up twice a week from childcare which means they get their dinner and bath there and this is so helpful (these days are so much easier) If you could get a nanny or something similar to help you out of an evening/pick up from childcare as others have suggested, it could make things easier. Although all the extra costs add up! My 2 year old DD is still not sleeping through and constantly poorly, and going to work on little sleep is so difficult! You have my sympathy, hope it improves for you soon.

Have you got a tumble dryer? Then buy some more clothes and you can get through tons of laundry at the weekend. Batch cook 2 big meals on your days off or weekend and save enough for 2 working days. Meal plan. Do not cook when dh comes in at 7.

I'm a single mum working full time and have been since twins were 1 and also had 5 year old. Zero involvement from ex husband

Sometimes you just have to accept it's going to be pretty hard and pretty relentless for a while but it does get better. Nothing last forever - I know that's not the most helpful but honestly all other suggestions are pretty minor when emotionally and mentally you just have to batten down the hatches

Lower your standards
Clean a room a day - doesn't need to be sparkling clean
I stick a wash in when leave in the morning and it goes in the dryer when I get home.
Batch cook
Recipe meals for one pot meals and 5 ingredients
Don't sign kids up for loads of activities

Oh come on! Just because you have it harder doesn’t mean others can’t find their circumstances hard !
I have one and a part time job and I find it hard. Maybe I’m older. Maybe I have less energy/am less organised, whatever.

telling someone they are pathetic and to get in with it is a) not nice b) never going to be helpful is it ?

I get that, but it’s not really a helpful comment with someone struggling to juggle work with kids - “oh it goes in a flash, stay at home”. I don’t have family providing childcare either, everyone’s circumstances are different.

Depends . I also became a SAHM when my youngest was born - it made sense partly because I would be paying out for 2 lots of childcare.

Most people I knew who continued working with 2 DC had helpful family to provide childcare. I never had that.

Is it at all a possibility for you to give up work / take a career break for a while? I understand this isn't always a possibility. If not, then keep your chin up, nothing lasts forever & things will get easier at some point.

Sleep is everything isn't it

Glad it worked for you - wouldn’t work for my mortgage company though sadly, what a pointless, unhelpful comment.

Can you move closer to work? Or can your DH move jobs to be closer to home? That is the biggest factor to a positive work life balance for me as me DH and DS are usually playing in the play park 15 mins after leaving our offices.
Cleaning on the other hand, i tend to procrastinate with 😂

You find a way to do it because you have to. I went back to work when DD was 9months old, at the time it was FT in the office, since covid I've been able to WFH which admittedly is much easier,

Breakfast barely makes any mess if you keep it simple, toast and a yoghurt, you have a couple of plates, a knife, a couple of spoons and your cups/glasses to wash up. If you don't have time in the morning then it gets added to the dinner time washing.

The house doesn't get messy if you're all out at nursery/school/work so you aren't creating any additional mess during the day.

Washing, in the summer I put a load on as soon as I wake up, then out on the line before leaving for work. In the winter I put it on as soon as I walk through the door after work and then into the tumble dryer. The whole process takes a couple of hours but the bit you are actually actively doing is a couple of minutes to stuff the washer, the same to move to the dryer and then 5-10 minutes to fold. Ironing doesn't happen. When I'm folding/hanging the clothes I bundle it into outfits so there's no faffing around 8n the morning I just grab a hanger or pile and it's everything they need.

Don't put the nursery bag down till you've emptied out any dirty clothes and refilled it with new spares/nappies etc. Then put it in its place knowing it's ready to go in the morning.

Food is ordered online and delivered on the weekend.

Hoover, dust, mop the floor etc I do different things on different days spread across the week and get it done after kid bedtime, it's about 30 mins a day.

I have baskets in the living room and a stair shaped one on the stairs. Pick stuff up as you're moving around the house and throw it in the basket. When the basket is full take it all to where it should be and put the empty basket back.

Weekday dinners need to be easy and quick. Stuff on toast, soup and a sandwich, pasta with jarred sauce or butter, garlic and peas or pesto are perfectly valid evening meals. Not every day but a couple of times a week is just fine. I also like meals I can just throw in the oven with minimal prep like sausage tray bake - sausages, diced onion (bought diced), sliced mushrooms (bought sliced), ready to cook parmentier potatoes, sliced peppers (bought sliced), bit of oil and seasoning. Roast for about 40 mins till everything is cooked to your level of brown and crispy.

Basically you need to make sure that the small amount of time you have is used efficiently so you can minimise house work and dull stuff to maximise family time and fun stuff. Set yourself realistic expectations of what tidy looks like and what a home cooked meal is.

And I had twins, an older child, 2 dogs and a teaching a career.

Yes, it's "amusing" and tricky but it's about finding ways to manage.

People have this expectation that a child fits in to life as it was before. When you change this expectation and accept that things have to be done differently then things become more manageable.

If you don't adapt/change and keep comparing everything to before then life will feel utterly exhausting.