To think I can’t manage a job on top of children?

Do lots of one pot or one tray in the oven meals. While they cook themselves you can do other stuff. Do stuff like chop up veg and spuds and put sausages on and throw in the air fryer or oven. I always did one thing before work, start if the washing machine or dishwasher or something like that . I did stuff like buy all the same socks, same colour for each of us.

Be brutal about getting rid of stuff and decluttering , kids shouldn’t be grubby but they don’t have to be pristine.

I spent 21 years of my life on the school run!

Yes, @PyongyangKipperbang, while the situation we found ourselves in is far from new, you're right, we didn't have the smug self-satisfied telling us where we were going wrong!

You could have if you had had no choice.

Many mums don't, including me.

This is me OP! I fantasize about being a stay at home mum because I just can't cope. Most mums in my kid's school are stay at home but none have ever had any kind of career, whereas I do. So depressing not really being able to do a good job at work and feeling grumpy and stretched at home. Truth is, I'd go mad without my job and the respite it gives me from being Mum all the time. Once kids are in school. It gets much easier. A way off granted with a 16 month.old, but hang in there.

I think that there is something new.

I was doing it from the early 90's as a single parent and it almost broke me. Disabled 6 year old, 6 month old baby and an ex husband who fucked off without a backwards glance. So I put my big girl pants on and got on with it. But the crucial thing was, if my house was a mess or we had a chippy dinner twice in one week (rare, couldnt afford it!) then no biggie. We didnt have SM telling us what failures we were.

We were doing what everyone else did, managing. Hanging on by the skin of our teeth some days, but battling through.

We didnt have some self obsessed vacuous arsehole showcasing their beautiful home, beautiful kids and fabulous career making us feel like shit. Of course we all know deep down that its fake but when you are deep in the trenches of the worst years, its hard not feel like a failure. It adds pressure that frankly no one needs.

So as hard as it was, I am glad that we did it then. At least we didnt have people trying to tell us how they were doing it better.

I am old enough to be a grandmother - my children are in their 20s but are career oriented.

I had no choice but to work FT in the late 90s/2000s. It's nothing new.

I think the point is getting missed on this thread. We're you happy? Did you enjoy it? If so, what advice can you give to the OP so she can enjoy each day too? And not "you'll look back and bla bla bla" - how can she enjoy these current days, after all days are where we live.

Yes the OP can do it, that's not the issue is it? It's helping her find a balace so she enjoy the experience of having young children. Otherwise what's the point?

Just calculated by the time youngest DD leaves primary school (big age gap) I'll have spent 21 years as a working parent with a child aged 11 and under 🤣

You just get used to it I suppose 🤷🏻‍♀️Had my eldest at 25 and am now mid 40s so have spent the vast majority of my working life as a working parent. I worked then and I work now- majority of it spent working full time. You just get on with it and find a routine.

No thank you!

The sensible way of doing things is to live in extended families and communities so that many people share the childcare together, enabling the parents to sleep, work and even socialise as well as look after their children.

Well, you can, I'm a lone parent and have always done it, never had any outsourced help either apart from the after school club.

Gets easier the older they get. You just have to lower your expectations a bit.

I haven't rttt. Mainly because I know it'll be full of comments from smugs who will tell you it's basically a piece of cake and ask patronising questions implying it's your fault for not doing x or y.

Or older parents looking through rose tinted glasses.

It's really crazy hard. Yadnbu. No advice here except to say it does gradually get eaiser, and anyone who says otherwise is talking crap.

and lower your standards and get a cleaner and sleep train. Honestly

it is exhausting BUT you will be glad you did it in a few years when your DC are older and your career is still on track

It is really tough but unfortunately with cost of living etc it's common for both parents to have to work. Both my husband and I work full time and I've been back at work since my second was 11 months old. I'm a lawyer and he's a deputy head at a school and our jobs are so intense. It's just so full on doing school run with our older son and getting younger one to and from nursery, keeping house in order and dinner on table every night. I can wfh a couple of days a week though which does help. All that is a long way of saying I hear your pain OP. It's not easy. I always think things will start to improve when they're both a bit older. The tiredness seems to be never ending!

Says who?

I don’t want to derail and I have sympathy for the OP but why should it be the default for one person to be economically productive and the other not? It’s not how it’s been through most of history and it’s also risky for the person who is not economically productive.

I don’t want to turn this into another SAHM vs WOHM rant but it really irritates me that people push this narrative that it’s somehow unnatural or undesirable for both parents to work. Yes life is expensive and yes many of us are tired and stressed but it’s facile to pretend going back to a single head of household model is the solution. There are plenty of very good reasons not to have one person exclusively focused on domestic work and never having their own money.

It's possible for YOU.

I could not have managed it and stayed mentally ok.

Isn’t that just normal life for many parents of young kids? It was for me, no family within 250 miles, their father working overseas and myself dealing with a serious health condition and holding down a career. For many its just normality, so yes its perfectly possible to have a job too, i did, a career and one i progressed in too in that time

I agree. It was hell on earth while mine were small. I always worked 4 days.

To be honest even without kids, keeping house is difficult with two full time jobs.

The problem is men always get to put work first, us women pick up all the slack.

There are men who want to use this as an excuse to leave us with unpaid domestic burden. We can't win. 🥺 But I'd still rather have my stressed out busy life than the choices and patriarchy my mum faced.

You just get through each day the best you can, like most parents you will have regrets and guilt, you won’t get everything right, but you will keep them safe .and before you know it, you will look back and think ‘how did we do that ‘, it does pass. Not saying it gets easier, just different, different problems, whilst the little ones may not sleep now, when they’re teens you won’t be able to get them out of bed ! You worry now about the house not being clean , this won’t change until you have no kids and teenagers, young adults at home ! But again it will pass .

no top tips here, I do sympathise though, I worked full time, two kids, DH worked same, kids didn’t sleep, ran on adrenaline for years, and we frequently look at each other now, reminisce and ask each other, how did we do that, thinking about it makes us knackered!

Enjoy your children, they are only children for 18 years and there will be many more years when they are not but still your (adult) son or daughter x

5 year old and 18 month old here. I work 4 days and have a husband who is away for long periods with work and when is at home is gone before the kids even wake up. Breakfast clubs are my lifesaver. School or nursery I don’t do breakfast for them. I am lucky to work from home 3/4 days and get my washing done on those days as well as things like lunchtime beauty appointments to give myself some treats. I had a cleaner but it didn’t work out, currently struggling to keep on top of everything. I would suggest you or your husband need to look for a more flexible role which would allow a better work life balance. Don’t get me wrong it’s bloody tough but wfh allows me to still have a career

YANBU. I have three kids, two in school (one only just) and a toddler, work 4 days a week and I feel like I’m drowning. I’ve taken the week off work sick this week because I’m so burnt out. Hats off to people who manage it without feeling like they’re always 10 steps behind and like they’re scraping through at both home and work, but I do find it hard juggling both.

There is a lot of good advice in this thread....lots of helpful tips but its still about operating in survival mode.