Feeling down after baby's 10 month review with the Health Visitor

I used to be a health visitor. We tried to do the 9 to 12 month review as near to 12 months as possible, because if not, we always had to return at around a year and repeat it. So many developmentally normal children would score really low in one or more sections if we did it too early. So don’t worry!

OMG. That’s a harsh review. When I had mine, my daughter was 11 months and could only wave from the list that you’ve got of things she can’t do.
From what you’re describing, she’s doing just great.
Honestly, Health Visitors can be useless at best and too often harmful, with few exceptions 🙄
My DD is now 18 months and developing perfectly.
Don’t let this take away from enjoying your little one!

Don't worry at all, 2 months is a very long time for a baby and she's likely to pick everything up that she's not doing yet.

You can help her by doing singing and clapping type songs and keep talking to her a lot but I don't think you need to stress about it

I remember this feeling. Despite being quite early on physical stuff like walking, the HV said my son was quite behind on a lot of other stuff (primarily verbal) at 18 months. I really fretted.

I think, with hindsight, the key is to note it and see how your child develops, rather than overly worry about it.

My son is now studying vet med and doesn’t shut up. In terms of knowing how to verbalise his wants, needs, complaints, joys, tell me about random topics I have no interest in, he most certainly does not struggle!

Like @whenemmafallsinlove and @NeverDropYourMooncup 's experiences, the HV told me that DD1 had hearing issues. It was a complete load of twaddle. DD1 wasn't remotely interested in someone whispering in her ear as she was transfixed by someone else clicking bricks together in front of her. As soon as I said her name, she turned to me, but the stupid HV persisted with her nonsense. DD1 only crawled backwards at 9 months. She was quite articulate, but of course that wasn't on the HV's list.

I'm pleased to report that at 25 years old, she has no hearing issues - she's a bloody good musician. She has rowed at uni, won dancing trophies and apart from a lack of geographical knowledge, is highly intelligent - well she's coming to the end of a PhD at Cambridge. OP trust your instincts.

My youngest heavily prioritised developing speech over gross motor skills and movement so she could argue with her sister more effectively - and she certainly wasn't going to waste valuable arguing time with boring stuff like walking, clapping, waving or pointing at things when she could say 'Lanna (or something similar to DD1's actual name), you smell' or sneak the opportunistic cat and dog some snacks from her lunch when she thought I wasn't looking.

The health visitor was also convinced that she was deaf. Well, not intrinsically, just intentionally where boring strangers flapping around pieces of card with pictures on, making faces and wittering on at her were concerned. And she wouldn't speak during the appointment at all, so as far as the HV was concerned, combined with my not keeping an exhaustive list of the number of words she could say, she was behind and needed testing and rechecking.

It became worth the effort to bother standing up when she was 11 months old and she walked approximately ten seconds later.

The reason I'm saying this is hopefully to show that children develop different skills at different ages but all within the range of normal, despite the expectation with some professionals that they are all the same. So try not to worry right now, everything could even up in the next couple of months and if it doesn't, it's already being monitored - which is a good thing.

What else can I do to help her?
I’m sure you’re doing these things already but songs with actions and lots and lots of modelling (ie you pointing and clapping).

Don’t waste your time worrying though. Your baby is who they are and I bet they’re wonderful!

Agree with whenemmafallsinlove. I opted out as it was soo depressing that DC was always failing. Did have a bit of speech therapy before school for a few months but other issues (aka his bloody mindedness) continued through to secondary school and I also felt like a shit mother. DC has just graduated from a good uni with a 2.1 and has started a masters.

I personally would opt out of these checks. My oldest 'failed' at 18 months because she could not point to her nose, of course she couldn't, who needs to do that? I told the health visitor she could point to her shoes and she grudgingly made a note of that but left me in no doubt I was a shit mother due to this.

Same child didn't talk fluently until 3 though she communicated with us fully. And she didn't sit till 9 months. But she commando crawled from five months.

She is exceptionally able and is now a doctor.

Look at the baby not the checklist.

Don’t worry. Babies develop things at different rates and your DD is very young for what is a one year old test. She is doing lots of things and can make sounds even if not the expected ones.

Your baby isn’t behind! Aren’t those targets for 12 months anyway? And 2 months is a long time in baby years! I’m particularly sceptical about the mama and dada thing. Loads of babies make those sounds but don’t actually use them to refer appropriately to their mum and dad!

Nope. My 15mo doesn't talk or wave, no one raised this at his check. They won't refer until he's 2 anyway.

I'd have been a wreck if my kids were in UK at this age and reviewed by a HV.
None of the three crawled, the first two never even rolled over, they were chunks. One just sat there, then got up and walked across the room, well ran really, it freaked me out. Second one figured out the bum shuffle, but didn't walk till nearly 15 months. Third one rolled about and pulled herself along on her belly, then got up and walked.
All chatterboxes but that was me.
They are all individuals and expecting them to adhere to her clock of development is wrong, it's all just guidelines.

If it reassures you, my youngest was ‘slightly behind’ according to his 10m ASQ. I was particularly concerned as his older sister was v advanced according to her. Just had his 27 month and he’s average or ahead on all! For example DD was walking by 10m, DS wasn’t crawling yet… She was doing pretty much everything on there (except jumping with 2 feet of the ground, which she didn’t master until 2.5!) and he had only a handful that I could say yes/always to. His latest check he’s bang on or ahead, like I say.

I know it’s hard not to worry but they all develop at their own rates. Those questionnaires are there to pick up serious issues - slightly behind on anything is totally normal. You can decline HV involvement but in my experience (I know not true for everyone) I found it really reassuring that if there were an issue, it’d be picked up sooner and then hopefully have less of an impact on him long term.

In the vast, vast majority of cases babies will develop just fine at their own pace and there's nothing to worry about. There will be a tiny number who are a bit delayed and it's an early indication that something else is going on.

My now 10 year old was the same at 12 months - waving, pointing and clapping weren't in her repertoire and we worried. She's fine - bright and intelligent and we're dead proud of everything she is achieving. We decided in the end that she just didn't want to do that stuff rather than being unable to. She wouldn't toast with a glass either - still says it's weird and pointless unless we glare and mutter something about social niceties 😂

At 10 months my DC couldnt crawl, sit up or wave, point etc. Didnt start walking until 16 months old.

DC is now 6, won the running race at school, plays so many sports outside of school & is 'above expected expectations' at reading.

They all get there in the end - please dont worry. Your DC will be fine and will get where they need to be in their own time.

I also had my baby’s 10 month review a few weeks ago and came out of it feeling quite concerned as the HV added up the questionnaire and told me my baby had scored only 10/60 for gross motor (because she wasn’t standing/pulling herself up yet). I have to go back in 3 months for a check up.

However afterwards having spoken to friends I found that a lot of areas of the country don’t do this questionnaire until 12 months. And the red book also refers to it as they 1 year check. So they had worried me for nothing!

My daughter didn’t even crawl till she was around 13 months old or walk till she was 18 months. She was in theory behind on a few other things by around 2 she caught up!

She just graduated & started her job. It will even out in the end.

I don’t remember the exact milestones around that age, but 10 months is still tiny! They can change and develop so much.

By the time I did the 2yr questionnaire, it was clearer that twin 1 wasn’t speaking or developing as quickly as twin 2. This difference wasn’t apparent when they were babies. Twin 1 was referred for speech and language therapy and is now likely to be referred for an autism assessment. He has a lot of markers for ASD so it comes as no surprise. I’m glad it is being addressed now, at age 3, so that we can ensure he gets the extra support he will need at school.

At this stage so much can change, and if there are indications as time goes on that your child isn’t developing as expected, it is better that they address this early so that you can have the correct support in place. But OTOH they may be absolutely fine!

Try not to worry about it.

Neither of mine did any of that at that age. They are both now really ahead at primary school.

Don’t worry, 9-12 months is a huge range and the children who are assessed before almost 12 months are often needlessly flagged up.

Same with the 24-36 month review. My son was assessed literally on his birthday and she said his speech was delayed and did we need additional support? At 2.5 he is now speaking very confidently and fluently and I wish she hadn’t created unnecessary concern.

Bles you @user242526 ...If the age range is 9-12 months, then developmentally that is going to mean a huge range in abilities. It makes sense for her to check back in a little while because if there is a problem, early intervention is crucial.

In the meanwhile, try not to worry. Children all develop at their own rates.

• Make sure you read, sing and play down on floor level with your baby at home.
• Narrate what you're doing e.g. I'm just putting the washing in the machine, oh look, two white socks - all day long and also
• make sure you get out and about to soft play or play group or story time at the library or the park so she mixes with other children.

My 4 week early baby was given her 9 - 12 month review at a day over 9 months. So she would have been 8 months if she'd come on time. She wasn't waving, clapping, pointing, crawling or saying any words. She was scheduled another one for 12 months due to concerns over her 'mobility and communication.' I cancelled it just before it was due as by 12 months she had met most of those milestones. Not walking or talking by then but I knew they would come in time and they did.

I wouldn’t worry at all, even if she was 12 months i still wouldn’t be worried tbh.

It is possible that your baby is 'behind' at the moment and that this might signify a problem of some kind.

If there is one that needs intervention - it is great that the HV is on it already. Hang on to the thought that the 'problem' - if it exists- might not be permanent or serious.

It is also possible (likely even) that your baby has been busy learning things that are not on the HV's list and will come to the other stuff when ready.

It is hard not to worry - but try not to. Tests are all about the average. There is an average shoe-size but not all that many of us fit into it well!