Feeling down after baby's 10 month review with the Health Visitor

Please try not to worry or be upset.

It sounds as if the HV doesn't have a lot of experience of babies. Her expectation that a baby would settle in immediately, crawl around and engage with unfamiliar toys, with a stranger present, in the new environment, was hugely misplaced.

The dummy bit was a box checking exercise. She is obliged to send the info and to give the verbal instruction. Ditto the bit about brushing teeth.i never once managed to brush a baby's teeth, and I had five of them. One used to bite the little toothbrush and refuse to let me have it. Just make sure the baby doesn't drink milk of any kind as she's falling asleep.

What age was your baby when she first started passing objects from one hand to the other?

@StellaOlivetti if you are still around… why do HVs use the 12 months ASQ instead of the nine or ten month ones, with the younger children?

The 12 month ASQ shouldn’t even be used with children who are younger than 11 months old but there are so many threads on here with (needlessly) distressed parents.

Was it policy that you could only use the 12 month one?

It sounds like she has seen a snapshot and given advice on what was seen in that short time. Try not to take it to heart. HVs will be looking for baby "milestones"

You can find these online. Babies do tend to achieve milestones around about the same age during the first year - but not exactly at the same age.

I think with the dummy - of course what you did is what any Mum would do to settle a baby in this situation so i doubt the HV was judging you - but she might have made an observation about how your baby took the dummy and assumed (maybe wrongly) that the dummy is used a lot - whereas a 10 month old really needs to be doing all the things i suggested above and many (not all) 10 month olds with be really engaging in early play - pointing, passing toys to Mum, vocalising (which can be excited shrieks and strings of babble)

So - these checks are just that - just to see milestones are on target. Honestly, 2 weeks on singing, clapping, posting toys, pop up toys and your little one will likely have caught up on these skills. Having the dummy in whilst playing won't really hold these skills back but it can delay speech dev if in all the time. And some babies do just become more passive with a dummy in - a 10 month old needs to be actively engaging with toys and songs/rhymes, pushing buttons, posting things, exploring objects using hands more now than mouth (though of course there still will be a lot of mouthing of toys and that is totally normal at 10 months.

She sounds perfectly normal to me.

Where a child fits developmental on the ASQ will change over time, so a 12 month old baby you'd expect to be doing most, not necessarily all of those things. Even if they weren't it might be a reason to check back at 3-4 months later, but it wouldn't be a big developmental concern. A 9-10 month old baby is very different to a 12 month old baby and a 14 month old toddler is very different to a 12 month old. Im surprised they're using the ASQ like that. Generally its used by specialists more diagnostically. I really wouldn't worry, where your baby is is perfectly normal for their age.

My baby is 10m old. Luckily, I live in a country where health visitors aren't a thing. My baby does none of that- if that reassures you?

Actually, he learnt to 'wave' 2 days ago, but it is more of an up down motion (as if splashing in a pool) - not particularly recognisable unless I'm there saying 'wave, wave WAVE'.

REALLY, just take it with a pinch of salt.

My first one could barely say any words by 2 (we were getting concerned), began around 2.5 and now at 3.5, we can't get a word in edgeways! If there is an issue with delay or any particular need, that will be flagged up in time. But not hitting the 9-12 m milestones yet is a ridiculous thing for the health visitor to make you feel stressed about.

You would probably have found your baby would have been better in her own environment @user242526 . It’s no wonder she was unsettled and didn’t want to participate if she wasn’t feeling well. Pay no attention to what the HV has said. 3 months, when they’re that little is such a long time. Just because she couldn’t do something today, doesn’t mean so won’t be doing it tomorrow or next week.

DGS is 9mths old, he’s been in hospital with bronchiolitis in the past couple of weeks (his daddy had was too, when he was a baby) and he’s been very unsettled too. What with teething as well. He doesn’t have a dummy, but I don’t think it’s particularly bad to give her a dummy at this stage if it helps. It’s not like she’s 3 or 4, is it?

The skills that she has not yet achieved are social skills and important for speech and language development. Babies usually are clapping and waving bye bye round about 9 months but, like anything, it depends on how much encouragement they have had.

Also, if your baby has been putting her efforts into her motor skills (and she has if she's crawling already!) it is common for other skills to lag a bit.

Nothing to worry about at all just now and you can help her along by lots of action songs and nursery rhymes. Pat a cake bakers man. Any clapping songs and rhymes.

Waving - again this is a language skill. The more playing and singing you do with her - that is the best way to bring these skills on.

You will be amazed just how fast she comes on if you do a bit of play on these skills each day.

If she has any pop up type toy or posting toy - wave the items bye bye as they disapear from view.

Just to clarify because a lot of people seems confused, yes it’s 9-12 months but they don’t use the same questionnaire for a 9 month old as they do for a 12 month old.

If you want a flip side, one of my children had zero concerns at their one year check and ‘passed’ the two year check as well. He’s since been diagnosed autistic with global delays/possible learning difficulties whilst kids he was at nursery with who were not ‘quite there’ or skipped milestones are all now (to my knowledge) typical children. Very likely your child is just not following the ‘normal’ pattern, it really doesn’t mean much at 10 months unless there are other known factors such as illness or prematurity. Honestly, having such checks before 1 unless for a good reason is just an unnecessary worry, so much can change between 10-12 months!

Honestly please please don't worry 10months is still so young. And so much can change in a day let alone another two months.

Brilliant advice.
Please try to stop worrying OP and enjoy your baby

Please don’t worry, your baby sounds absolutely fine. Ds could crawl up the stairs at 9 months, but dd could only just about bum shuffle at 11 months, definitely couldn’t crawl. You absolutely wouldn’t know there was ever any difference between them now. They all develop at their own pace.

Have you noticed anything yourself that gives you concern? If not, please don't worry, every child is different.

Sounds similar to my DD at that age - except my HV wasn’t at all concerned and said that it was normal given the range of the questionnaire. She was particularly slow to stand/walk.

We had the 2 year review recently and I remember the feeling of relief that she hit every check this time. She is tracking ahead of her age now.

Okay so what is the HV suggesting ? Oh nothing, there's a surprise.

Honestly please don’t worry, it’s perfectly normal for children to develop at different rates. Also there has to be an allowance for different personalities - some (most) children when they see waving and clapping will want to copy the motion. My first child was not like that - he would observe but not copy. Physically he could do it but he has always been an outlier in terms of preferring to do his own thing. He is still a perfectly normal 5 year old (just remains very free spirited).

What do you think about your baby OP? I declined these reviews for my girls. At that age they couldn't move, only sit, didn't roll. They couldn't do loads of the gross motor stuff.

They made lots of sounds tho, and I dunno I was just never at all worried about them. Figured they were working on language skills instead.

They are perfectly normal 8 and 10 year olds now.

My instincts always told me they were completely fine - what are yours telling you? 😊

@user242526

Dont give it another thought

between 9 & 12 months is a quarter of her life. Wild you expect a 9 year told to have the same skills as a 12 year old!

they can go from 'not waving' to waving at everyone in a DAY.

its a load of bollocks & most HV's are as much use as chocolate tea pots!!

Doesn’t sound like anything to worry about.

DS at 10 months wasn’t doing most of those.

DD only did her first babbling around your baby's age. Her vocabulary is now significantly better than many of her peers and you can't stop her talking when she gets going.

Don't worry. Your baby sounds normal to me. I always obsessed over what they should or shouldn't be doing at certain stages, but I don't think it's very helpful really. Your baby might be able to do other things better than other babies, but if it's not on the list it won't be measured. X

The questionnaires come in different age range, so you may have got a 9 month or 10 month questionnaire.

It also depends on whether your child was premature, as they should provide a questionnaire for the child's gestational age (eg, 10 months old but 4 weeks early, should have a 9 month questionnaire).

The answers give a score, which we have guidelines as to whether they are meeting the milestones, still learning or delayed. Usually you look at the whole picture, a 9 month old is rarely cruising or walking, so you ignore them being very delayed for that.

Our baby had a check up booked at 10 months but we had to reschedule it for a month later because of illness (so she had it at 11 months). At 10 months she could do none of those things, at 11 months she could do them all, so a lot can change vey quickly. If you don't think there's anything wrong, I wouldn't worry for a while yet!

Don't worry. Sounds like your DD is doing fine. Mine didn't know all things either and they called me back a few months later and age had learnt all missing ones.