Would you ever get over hearing someone call you a name?

Unforgivable.

no but someone who has form for this kind of thing

I've never called anyone that, it's horrible

Shes jealous then. I wouldn't be able to get past this either without an actual explanation.

What a wonderful life you've led. I called my Dad a cunt after years of abuse from him.

I never get the MN pearl clutching over ‘cunt’, it’s a jolly good swear word. One that we bandy around at work daily.

Maybe in your work, but not in mine.

I disagree. Cunt is a very nasty word, and whether the OP is discussing it on a public forum after having accidentally overhearing a private conversation is minor. It is true we all talk about each other behind each other's backs, but cunt is a very nasty, nasty word. So what if they don't gel as sisters-in-law. And she was using it about the wife of her brother!. Unbelievable!

I would just ask her why she said that ?

I never get the MN pearl clutching over ‘cunt’, it’s a jolly good swear word. One that we bandy around at work daily.

But, your SIL has let you know by accident that she hates you. I’d continue exactly as you are. Civil but not close.

I’d also drop in the odd veiled mention to it when I could segue it into conversation, ‘I’m such a cunt after all!’ etc.

You overheard her having what she thought was a private conversation with her DH. You are now criticing her on a public forum, how would you feel if she read this and recognised the story? We ALL say and do things that we wouldn't want to be fully public and life would be better if we were kinder to people when we catch them out for their indiscretions because next time the shoe might be on the other foot.

For all you know (since your brother immediately hung up) it might not have you she was pissed off with but your DB for not letting her know that he'd made a commitment to you and so couldn't do what she needed. This could have been dealt with straight away if instead of hanging up your DB had said 'I'm in the car with Gripeseed' as soon as she'd called you a cunt. She'd have been embarassed, would have apologised and it all would have blown over. TBH if she's always been cool with you even before the incident then she has clearly never gelled with you and therefore it's not that surprising that she finds you annoying. That's not a crime, you don't have to get on with your ILs (lots of people don't, e.g. while I love my MIL, I find my BIL insufferable and I'm sure he doesn't think much of me either). Carry on being polite and don't think about it anymore.

Well she's just saying it on an anonymous forum to try and explain their relationship.

We don't know whether he SIL hates the baked goods that OP dropped off. Most people do like home made cakes/biscuits etc. You sound quite unusual with your vendetta against 'random unhealthy baked shit'.

Maybe your DH should do the decent thing and distance himself from his brother. Acting like he’s close to someone but saying insulting names behind their back is complete arsehole behaviour.

LOL!😂

I agree with this. And I also question why posters are blaming the brother. He’s not responsible for someone else’s opinion of you and he probably felt terrible about it. She’s clearly not a nice person to live with

That said, you’re politer than I would be in her company. Difficult though if you still want to spend time with your brother

My BIL thinks he's close to DH. The truth is that we both think he's a knob, for many valid reasons that he just doesn't notice.

His DH is also a complete arsehole. Grade A dickhead.

We have names for them both which are highly insulting (and we'd be mortified if they heard us using them tbh).

I think it's not only understandable that you did that, but admirable that you didn't call her out on it.

I think the onus was very much on her to apologise and clear the air.

The fact that she hasn't means that the emotional distance between you is her fault.

Of course someone calling you a cunt is a bit deal. Absolute BS would you have forgotten about it

It's not a good thing to just roll over and tolerate people being bitchy about you behind your back

Also I hate it when siblings partners try and sour the relationship between them, it happens so much

If she called you a cunt in an argument or the heat of the moment, I could forgive. But no I wouldn't forgive her in this context

She clearly doesn't like you. There's no explaining or apologising that would justify the way she spoke about you. She clearly talks about you a lot like this for your brother to not be shocked, and for her to feel she could call his sister a cunt so casually.

Why would you want to make an effort with someone who doesn't like you? You could talk it through with her, but its not really the use of the word that hurts, it's the sentiment behind it. And apologising won't change that

No it marrs it forever. EVERYONE says things about other people in private, even about the closest people, but these things aren't meant to be heard.
But once you hear it you can't unhear it. I've become so careful about what I say now

Next time you’re all round your parents for lunch and your SIL asks someone to pass her something, say “why can’t she get it herself, the silly c**t” then into the shocked silence which will ensue, calmly say “what? Don’t you remember when [SIL] called me that? You remember don’t you [sister]?”
Why is it ok for you to be called that & not her? Your brother has a few questions to answer here.

Seems to me she is happy with the cordial relationship. I’d leave it be, or speak to my DB, but wouldn’t hold out much hope.

You know you can just tell someone if you don't want their baked goods? You don't have to call them a cunt behind their back

Given this occurred years ago, the time for discussing this has well and truly passed.

So ball in your court…. forgive (but you can’t force yourself to forget) and move on

or…. don’t have anything more to do with her, which will seem somewhat bizarre to the rest of the family

either way…. it really is only you suffering Op. Your bro and SIL haven’t spent one second navel gazing about this whereas you clearly have for a few years now

Like fuck is it a small incident and damned right if you don’t have the wherewithal to actually discuss it with her, then pulling back IS the right thing to do.

youre not the cunt. She is. Leave her to it