Would you ever get over hearing someone call you a name?

That’s what you’d do is it? Are you usually a doormat?

Think you need to let it go and grow up

Exactly!

If I found out my brother accepted that his wife calls me a c* I'd go ballistic. He's bang out of order surely as well as her.

😄

IMO it's not really that you haven't gotten over it, it's that you haven't forgiven it, and you don't have to. Not getting over it would mean you are still
as upset about it as you were at the time it happened. It sounds to me like you have just cooled towards her because you now know she secretly has a low opinion of you which she does not express when she knows you are in earshot. Cooling off towards her is an entirely natural and sensible reaction to that. I would feel the same way. Why should you be friendly with somebody who thinks you're a cunt.

I think the thread focusing on the specific insult used is clouding the real issue. And the real issue is that you realised, by the way your SIL spoke about you, that she can't like you much, or actively dislikes you. That must have been horrible. Sorry you have experienced this, and how sad that she's part of your family, influencing your relationship with your brother too.

I once came into a room at my former workplace to see/hear a colleague doing a not complementary impression of me to a small group of people. The way it was done, and putting together other pieces of the puzzle, suddenly made me realise that she really didn't like me. I didn't fall out with her, but remained polite and distant. But prior to her cruel impression, I had no inkling she didn't like me. Horrible. Reminds me of this. But that was work, not my family.

It's horrible when you realise someone dislikes or hates you when you have tried so hard, genuinely, to be kind and friendly. Not sure if you can do anything really. Keep being polite. Try to somehow keep the relationship with your brother going, but of course that has been affected too by his tolerance/support of someone who dislikes you. I wish I could say something helpful but can't, but I do understand.

No no no if I'd of heard that and my brother defended it or tried to make it something that it wasn't I'd of lost it with him me and my brother are very close and if I thought his partner spoke about me like this and he said nothing I'd be devastated but I'd have words with both and ever speak to them again she's a cu#t for saying it

Wow - that would have been like an emotional switch going off for me too.

Obviously that's how she refers to you all the time, it's not something that comes out of the blue.

Such a vile word.

@Freud2 I think you need to start your own new thread. You have posted on a thread unrelated to your issue.

Now you've mentioned it, I'm wondering too!

Wow! To go from no swearing to the ‘C’ word is really quite the leap!
She clearly REALLY doesn’t like you.
Don’t waste time or energy worrying about it. Just carry on as you have been and know you have her number.

And you think I don't have that much of a life I'd wanna sit and read through 11 pages of a thread about someone being called a cunt 🤣🤣🤣

I wonder if she’s kept her distance because HE’S been telling stories to keep her at arm’s length. Who knows what he’s said that she’s maybe reacted to?

We have lived in our house for 18 years - it is semi-detached and for all that time had a lovely elderly neighbour so it was always quiet. The view at the back was something that really attracted us as we overlook a small park and the next door garden was beautiful with 5 mature trees and lots of shrubs. The chap next door died last year and recently a young family with 3 kids under 5 years moved in. We were nervous about this as obviously there would be bound to be much more noise. But the worst thing is they've completely decimated the garden - all the lovely trees and every shrub had gone and its now just wasteland. I'm heartbroken and feel a sense of bereavement. The neighbours had mentioned before that they wanted a low maintenance garden - but this is extreme. Also I feel security is compromised as there's a low fence now at the bottom of the garden which leaves them ( and probably us) open to burglaries as kids get over the Park fence at night.
Any suggestions at how I can handle this? I don't want to completely fall out with them but I feel so angry...

You did the right thing.
Welldone for valuing yourself
We could all learn from you ❤️❤️

My brother would never let anyone talk about me like that. Also if I had heard someone talk about me like that, especially my sil would have lost my shit! There would have been absolute murder in my family that day 🤣🤣 I laugh but im being deadly serious! I would have caused murder!

OMG yanbu! But how have you let her away with that for so long? That’s one of the worst things to call anyone! I’m not sure what you can do about it years later though. How you’ve managed to remain civil since then is beyond me.

Then I would struggle to get over it if that were the case.

No. She sounds horrible. Don't bother with her any more than necessary.

"Am I being harsh? Would you have got over it?"

No you are not being harsh - I think you are being very decent about it! Perhaps too decent. You have allowed them to sweet it all under the carpet - I wouldn't have!

Actually, I think you have got over it. Yes, you have a distant relationship with her, but that is due to you having a clearer picture of who she actually is than you had before you heard her call you cunt. Why on earth would anyone want a close relationship with her after that?

Plus, from her end, distant seems to be her preference anyway. All that "back to square one" and "quiet as a mouse to your face" - she deliberately holds you and your sister (and parents?) at arms length.

I think you should be pretty proud of yourself. You have ensured family harmony on the surface - are your parents aware of any of this? - whilst you and your sister have the measure of the two-faced little weasel your brother married. Not harsh, very adult!

YADNBU. You saying let’s draw a line under it did not absolve her from making a full apology and explaining her comment in a way that made you feel better. A decent person would feel compelled to do that. I would completely freeze her out from now on.

I'm with you on this one OP.
I'd be distant too...I mean why would someone that thinks I'm one of those even want me to try and make small talk with them.

By openly calling you that in a conversation with your DB I'd wonder if it was the normal everyday way in which she refers to you when talking to him.

Awful word...you can't stop her referring to you by that name but you can definitely not want anything to do with her.

You don't call a person you like that name so I'd assume there's no love lost on her side.

I'm the type to hold a grudge so I would neither forgive nor forget.

However - I also wouldn't expect my brother to say anything. A comment like "why can't the cunt do it herself" while shocking, isn't (to me) quite the same as actually saying why can't Gripe do it herself, she's such a lazy cunt" or whatever.

Having said that, I would have said to my brother if she thinks I'm a cunt she can just fuck off then, I'm not making one iota of effort on her behalf. He can address it with her and see if she wants to try and make amends.

You’re Irish are you? People in this thread be horrified visiting Ireland, probably hear it at the airport on landing 😂
Although as I just said SIL did say it in a bitchy way. In saying that now dragging it out years was OTT, should’ve addressed it at the time, had it out asked her what her problem was and got the fuck over it by now.