Go Ape refusing refund

Of course you can't lie to an autistic kid and tell them everything is as expected. But your attitude to things as a parent of ND kids and how you deal with them and what you model in these situations does matter. Both things can be true.

I am absolutely guilty of having overreacted to things in the past and catastrophised and I know in my bones how it feels to an autistic nervous system to have to deal with the goal posts unexpectedly shifting. It's a horrible feeling, like the ground is sinking under you. However, I had to learn to manage that for the sake of my kids. I had to learn to ground myself, remind myself that even though I felt awful in that moment, I was still safe, and I learned to remain calm and not mirror my dysregulated child's energy. We can explain needs and people will usually try their best, but the world cannot be free of these kinds of things happening. I wanted my kids to have a mum who could cope with things going wrong and be their safe person in those situations when others don't get it right.

If we want others to give us and our kids grace when we don't react as people might expect, or move through the world differently, we also need to remember to give others that same consideration when they get it wrong. Too much of the contemporary ND movement feels adversarial and judgemental about "typicals" or indeed anyone who doesn't always know the exact right things to say and do.

But so many kids are neuro diverse these days.

Every child I know seems to have been diagnosed with ADHD/ apsergers/ on the autism spectrum..

Doctors seem quick to throw out the diagnoses these days.

I agree.

I’m all for speaking up when there is an actual problem, and for advocating for children when it’s needed.

But to me this situation isn’t it.

As mentioned, my son has ADHD. He used to get very upset about being “left out” of things, or not chosen for particular activities, like school teams etc. He had a certain amount of resilience but when I found out about the ADHD rejection sensitive dysphoria, I knew I had to help him to overcome/ cope with this.

My way of doing that was to try to reframe what the aim of something is - so the aiming of taking part in football trials is to enjoy the trial itself, the aim of standing for head boy is to see if you can manage speaking in public/ taking part in a democratic exercise etc. Taking away the idea that the being chosen is the main thing has worked wonders.

Or I could have kept going up to the school complaining that “little Johnny” (not his name! ) isn’t being chosen…

The ignorance about what it's actually like to parent / be someone ND on this thread is fucking depressing. Yes OP just should have told her kid everything was as expected despite the evidence of their own eyes to the contrary. That approach works very very well with autistic children. I'm surprised she didn't think of it.

That is what the extra needs of autistic children ARE. To be told what to expect and for things to run as far as possible as expected in order to have a fun time which is what Go Ape is actually for. People with ND react differently to NTs that's the whole fucking point.

Absolutely! But this couldn't then be blamed on other people

Quite! @DoreenonTill8

Absolutely! But this couldn't then be blamed on other people.

I think you made a mountain out of a molehill but at least you got a discount (but not the crazy 100% refund that you were after!) Bit bizarre because you've said you don't even want to return!
I know your son is ND but I wonder if his tears and upset was partly down to how you spun the situation. Instead of an upbeat attitude and a 'Well that was fun!', I wonder if your attitude was negative and he picked up on that.

I hope so. Would love to hear their side.

Well thats good!

I'm glad you don't shout at them.

Ah you're a manager. That does make sense.

For a start, she complained about a staff member, and he will get in trouble.

Especially if they had to give compensation out. If they have to give a refund, he will definitely get shouted at.

One time I got complained about by a customer.

I was one of a chain of people that she complained about. I hadn't been able to do something because someone else hadn't been able to do something.

The customer complained for so long that they give her a refund.
.
I got hauled into the office and was told that a customer had complained about me, they had to give a refund,

and when they have to give refunds, it costs the company money.

Agreed. If anything, Go Ape have shown how exemplary their customer service is in keeping their responses polite and reasonable and by continuing to engage with OP. I guess it shows that if you throw your toys out of the pram you do get results. Shame.

@frogsloverain I disagree with you. I think she has come across as rude.

At no point has OP come across as rude or bullying.

Why would people cry because of her emails. Genuinely- why? There was a back and fo, and a polite one it seemed, between her and customer services.

That is a very hollow victory. They gave you 50% to get rid of you. Maybe for the future you could remember that what you give out as assertiveness can be perceived or received by others as unacceptable bullying. People have probably cried because of your emails.

I reckon about 50% of the threads on Style and Beauty are.

I think that's a bit shit. They should offer some form of refund like 25% if you missed out on 1/4 of it. In their shoes I would offer 25% refund and a discount to come back.

Maybe they aren't allowed to authorise refunds at all at their level. You could ask to escalate it to a manger or contact their ceo.

I bet they breathe a sigh of relief you aren't going back!

A very good update.

I also wonder if someone in go ape is on mumsnet!

Great. Well done. I guess persistence paid off. They sound very reasonable whereas you sound somewhat not.

I'm just joking about this thread being started by Go Ape for advertising purposes.

But if you think about it, mumsnet is a great place to advertise, if a company aimed at children wanted to advertise their services.

They have access to thousands of mothers with children - on mumsnet.

And they wouldn't have to pay anything to advertise here.

Some companies probably do start threads on here, by pretending to be a mother.

Its called covert marketing

Oh, just saw the update. Good for you :)