Aibu to think confident children are from very middle class backgrounds?

I’m a teacher. Totally disagree, having money or not having money seems to have no influence or who is confident or not in the classroom or outside, it’s how your parents bring you up from my experience

I grew up on a council estate and am now quite well off.

One thing I noticed about people from council estates who are "confident" is that more often than not they are sort of acting out, hiding behind a big persona or are a certain type of anxious loud.

Children and adults I know from middle class backgrounds tends to be calm collected and more unflappable. Which is a different type of confidence, it's more self assured and sort internalised. It doesn't feel the need to dominate the conversation or make sure everybody else knows about it.

YABU. My kids are middle class, in the sense that both parents have professional jobs, we have a nice home and the kids do extracurricular activities etc.

My kids are still reserved and shy when it comes to performing and wouldn't get picked.

I suspect being middle class helps though for those who are also outgoing.

This notion - being middle class seems to confer the advantage of an attitude of 'I can acheive anything'

Whilst being supportive - and encouraging a child to pursue their interests and career aspirations is a positive thing, I've known families (both middle class, and working class), where the parents have put heavy pressure on their children - under the guise of "you can achieve anything".

I know a few adults who had parents like that - and it's ended badly. They ended up either underachieving due to pressure, or going into a career they didn't really want (because the one they did want was perceived by their parents as "not good enough").

And they're now very unhappy and have struggled in their lives - sometimes professionally, but especially in their personal lives.

I don't think it's class necessarily and there are different types of confidence. Maybe I'm talking about arrogance presented as confidence?

Those with parents in minimum wage roles said 'hairdresser' and 'nail person'. All the girls are similar level academically, but the 2nd set were not aspirational.

I'm sure many, maybe most?, posters on MN (and people offline) would be sorry if suddenly almost nobody wanted to be a hairdresser or other similar roles. People would soon regret deeming a creative aspiration as being of lesser value or deserving less respect, if nobody pursued those careers.

If your point is these jobs should be better paid, I agree, although definitely with hairstylists that can already be the case - and some of the top ones earn a lot more than minimum wage.

That said, perhaps I've experienced a more diverse bunch of children and adults than you.

I know several with parents whose jobs are considered middle class - but who want to or have already, pursued a stereotypical "working class" career. And their parents have been supportive.

Likewise I know people with working class parents - and those parents were very encouraging and supportive of their children pursuing a stereotypical "middle class" career.

The important thing is having supportive parents - who don't pressure their children.

🤣🤣 I’ll give you the link as soon as I finish the thread ..🤣

Very interesting especially the sentence

had every decision in their lives made for them

I'd like to read the thread about the strict woman and husband in blazer. Just for research you understand.

Back to confidence. I found amongst my kids' class/schools etc., the most confident kids were the ones told that they never had to answer for anything, and neither did their parents. The DCs were only shouted at/punished if they inconvenienced their parents. At school events etc they always expected to come first and would kick up merry hell if they weren't. It's that sort of "me first and always" attitude. That's my take on it.

Why are the Brits so obsessed with class ?

I used to be a driving instructor in London. I would say that often, the opposite was true. Lots of the middle-class teenagers struggled with the quick decision making that driving involves; I often found that the more privileged they were, the harder they found it: they'd had every decision in their lives made for them. If they failed a test, some of them would be absolutely distraught: it was the first time in their lives they'd failed anything. I found the less middle-class learners often learned quite quickly. (It's true that some of them had had illegal experience, but still...)

Hairdressers and nail technicians can easily earn more than teachers. Just because they don’t need a degree it doesn’t mean they aren’t aspirational.

When we were away last weekend our DC (7&8) surprised the staff by ordering their own food.

It was a premier inn, veg sticks, pizza, chocolate brownie and a fruit shoot (away for a birthday treat before the nutrition police come for me!) but I believe being able to look at a menu, order your own food, answer any questions about substitutions or allergies, clearly and politely is a skill. We’ll work up to a fancy restaurant at some point

My DD is confident because she’s been raised to be so. Class has fuck all to do with it, we’re strictly working class here. Away and ring your prejudices elsewhere, and take the talk of class with you.

The more they get chosen, the more confident they get...so they will keep being chosen.

A child in my dd's primary class was chosen for everything (she was the oldest in the class so started school being ahead of many of the others - she's 11 months older than my dd). She was picked because I'm sure the teachers thought she made the school look good. She was also really mean and bullied most of the kids at one point or another. Hey ho.

It’s definitely in the parenting. If you engage with your DC from a very young age, involving them in discussions around the dinner table and discussing E.g. current affairs that are age-appropriate, listening to their opinions, encouraging debate, and also read them stories and encourage a love of learning about “things” by taking them to museums, galleries, stately homes (as PP mentioned), then to restaurants serving different types of food and with various expectations of degrees of formality - your child will be at ease in most situations and will come across as a very confident child.

Oh so true

We were at a stately home at the weekend, my two DC we’re happy chatting with the curators, they regaled several older visitors with their experience at a castle the weekend before.

Before we left they went to speak to the musicians who’d been playing in the music room, I was stood at the door and one of the curators they’d seen earlier stopped to chat. She said my DC had been a pleasure to speak to, so polite and confident.

Both DH and I are from very working class backgrounds, and our DC attend a primary school in a deprived area. It all depends on how the DC are parented.

I did make one observation, I was cripplingly shy as a child and scared of everything. It took me years to overcome it. I didn’t want that for my children. Though at times, I’d like a little more peace and quiet!

I think I have one of those children you are referring to.
She gets picked a lot because she volunteers a lot. Now in juniors, they hold auditions for the main parts in school plays, they have to prep a speech if want to be on school council etc. Not every child wants to do these things, and some struggle with confidence to do them. I have always told them they can do anything, can acheive anything they want with hard work, and they have 2 successful professional parents as role models. I think this posts a huge part - my daughter has 5 close friends from a varied socio economic background, I was talking with them about what they wanted to be when the grew up. My daughter said a teacher, others with professional parents said 'vet' 'explorer' and 'journalist'. Those with parents in minimum wage roles said 'hairdresser' and 'nail person'. All the girls are similar level academically, but the 2nd set were not aspirational. This really struck me, that being middle class seems to confer the advantage of an attitude of 'I can acheive anything'

🤣🤣 we need something to lift us up on a dreary Wednesday afternoon ..

Meant to say -both lads were very popular and neither were loud personalities

This is the thing.

i know 2 lads -

one - rough council estate upbringing, working class, uneducated immigrant parents, very strong regional accent, average intelligence but very few academic qualifications

two - well educated parents, upper middle class upbringing, father a secondary headmaster, average intelligence but more academic qualifications than lad one above

BOTH boys were blessed with good looks and consequently vv popular with the ladies 😍😍

• very importantly both had IDENTICAL personalities which I can only describe as -