Aibu to think confident children are from very middle class backgrounds?

@Msmbc totally agree with you - my post didn’t include everything, but definitely socialising with adults in adult spaces as well!😊

I've lived and taught in Scotland for many years. My children are now grown up and did well at school and uni. We used to just have fairly everyday conversations with them.

I see some parents on Instagram showing clips of their 10/11 year old children speaking very confidently and having opinions on politics, world affairs etc. Mine would never have done this.

I don't know if it's a regional things as we were always brought up not put ourselves forward or appear "bold" which could be the same as appearing confident.

@Bushmillsbabe liking the sound of that school!! They have the priorities right.

Everyone has class prejudices, and belongs to a social class, whether you like it or not.
It means we make quick assumptions about others based on presentation / speech etc.
Better to accept and work with it (as you have with your DC) than to accuse people of being prejudiced, simply for talking about it!

I was thinking this too, mine have ordered since 4 years old

I used to teach in areas of deprivation. There were plenty of confident (perhaps bordering ona arrogant) children in those schools.

OP, your statement shows you've met or know hardly any none-middle class children. And that you know nothing about psychology/genetics.
What utter rot.

Edit to add: sorry OP. I mis-read your post. I still disagree with you but I'm clearly talking rot myself to say you've hardly met any none-middle class children. 😬

Yes will do - no worries 🤣

I don't think it has to be any of these things necessarily, just as long as you're taking them to adult places as well aa specifically children places, having them socialise with adults as well children (non-family adults), putting them in a wide variety of situations. My son gained all his confidence at pubs, gigs and festivals i think!

Uhhh… can you send me a link to this alternative thread when you start it? Just… y’know… for literary interest?

Hahaha no. I'm UMC with very little self confidence and I don't think it has anything to do with class. I have met people confident to the point of bumptious, obnoxious arrogance from all backgrounds and walks of life. I've never noticed it being more prevalent in any one particular group.

People don't necessarily notice I'm not self confidence though thanks to years of speech & drama. Conversely, this means I may be more confident in situations that give others stage fright. I get nervous but can get through it. I'm also an only child. People comment that I'm "brave" doing things alone. I simply don't mind doing things alone, I'm used to a certain level of solitude.

I also should've added he's fairly mature for a teenage boy and reasonably articulate too. He's certainly not perfect and has many faults but can certainly hold his own with different groups of people/colleagues etc.

No not at all. My very working class son has always been confident. He's personable, easy going/laid back, funny, sporty/good at football, fairly bright. He's not a loud mouth or attention hogger but neither is he shy or reserved. He's always made friends wherever he's gone and finds it easy to talk to people of all ages/sexes etc.

Well to be fair it’s not the sort of thing people usually chat about over coffee.

And yet social class is everywhere in Ireland too. A bit different to, say, England, with virtually no private schools meaning things are more mixed, and no native ‘upper class’, but absolutely there.

I'm in Ireland and honestly have never heard anyone mention or debate social classes!

Yes, it absolutely does make a difference.

This may change in years to come but social mobility is currently at an all time low so it may well not change in the way we might hope.

I suppose it depends what they are being confident about?

The cocky little shits I went to school with definitely were not all middle class. Plenty from very working class backgrounds too.

Mn is aspirational lower-middle, hence all the threads about class shibboleths, how to replicate ‘private school polish’ and whether your children are doing enough extra-curricular aged five.

My take on the confidence issue is that, other things being equal, what the parents are modelling to the children is key. My parents are both timid and withdrawn (both from poor WC backgrounds), and my mother in particular brought up her daughters in the belief that female self confidence is grotesque and dislikeable, and that people ‘only like shy girls’ who self-deprecate all the time. Obviously, we realised this was dangerous nonsense eventually, but we were little frightened mice at school. DS is seeing two parents function confidently in the world, but you would wonder what the children of some Mners are having modelled to them.

I think it primarily comes from parental attitudes (rather than class) but schools can help a lot.
There are 2 primaries in our village, our one has a lower socioeconomic intake, more SEN etc but the pupils are far more confident and able to interact more naturally than the one which has a more 'middle class intake'. Our school has a huge focus on building self confidence, and you can see it in basic interactions. By the end of year 1 every child is confidently saying good morning to the headteacher on the gate, asking her how she is etc, they interact calmly and positively with each other. The other school has a very academic focus, and you can see there are gaps, when you speak to them they either look away, or go shy, or giggly with nerves, their interactions with each other are more 'spiky' and less inclusive.

Yes my 4yr old does this, it’s a real confidence builder, should be encouraged.

I don't think it's class as such but simply comes from Security . Stable home . Parents who have made a legal commitment to each other that can't be easily undone. (Marriage or CP) .

When they know their life is stable it gives confidence.

My youngest son gets chosen a lot. Yr 6. just got head boy. 3 years school council. Often the lead part in an assembly. I am very much working class, husband working to middle class but I would say we love a working class lifestyle. We are as common as muck accent wise. He is being looked into ADHD and dyslexia. But he can engage well in conversation with an adult, just comes naturally and I think that has helped him. Those sorts of things can't always be learnt.

I’ve not experienced this. Our school has a fair mix of socioeconomic backgrounds and the kids that’s spring to mind are from less privileged backgrounds. We’re very ‘middle class’ and my daughter is extremely shy.