Leaving the house, would this annoy you?

I feel for your DH. I could not be in a relationship with someone who deals with stuff by being "off" with me.

Also, he shouted 3 times and phoned you. He did nothing wrong. YABU

My ex used to do this all the time the time. The reason why it would be an issue is if you both left the house without saying anything - who's left minding the kids? If you don't know he's left the house, you'd be assuming if they went downstairs he'd be keeping an ear out.

I think it's rude to leave the house without saying anything but in his mind, he told you. Not anyones fault you didn't hear (maybe the kids fault but not intentional).
YABU to sulk and be off with him and say it's nothing when you were annoyed. I can't blame him for being cross with you because he did tell you.

Also, it would have been nice to know that you didn’t have to keep making an effort to keep the kids quiet for him. It would be handy to know that if something happened with the kids you wouldn’t have to waste precious time calling for him to help you, because you would know he wasn’t there.

He, like some people, might need this spelled out to him in a way that is not confrontational or accusing. Maybe make it a suggestion that in future we both make sure the other knows that we are not going to be in the house for these reasons.

Then hopefully he won’t feel resentful that you want him to check in with you as if he were a child etc.

Bloody hell OP! Grow up!

I think this a fair point. Also, it’s just common decency that you let your partner know in a way that you know that your partner heard you. So, not by yelling up the stairs, getting no response but leaving anyway because you ticked the box that you communicated. @helloballoon YANBU.

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest, and 100 per cent not worth causing aggravation over. Why do you care?

Incredibly petty. A complete non-issue and you want an apology?

You sound like hard work.

i also think why can’t he just say sorry I thought you heard me instead of getting defensive and arguing about it.

It's hard to say "sorry" when you feel like you're being punished undeservedly. (Your silent treatment being the punishment.)

People have such a strong instinctive reaction to injustice - I bet everyone on this thread can name a time in their life when they felt they'd been treated unjustly. And it really burns to apologise for actions that you don't feel were wrong, because it's as if you're conceding to the punisher that yes, they were right to act that way after all.

So while you see the apology as redressing the balance, he will see it as piling insult upon injury, since he doesn't believe he deserved the silent treatment in the first place.

What is it he needs to apologise for? I can't work it out.
My DH has sometimes popped out without telling me ( because he's an adult) and if I don't hear him go out I call him. No drama.
It's not the you were in the shower so the kids were unsupervised. That would be different.

You didn’t say anything, but you sulked instead?

You don’t know why he wouldn’t just apologise, but you wouldn’t just say what’s wrong to him, he had to keep asking.

Grow up, you sound like a petulant child.

Why does he have to say sorry?

What a weird thing to be bothered about. I wouldn't care a jot.

Dh doesn’t really pop out on a whim, it’s usually after some discussion about needing stuff from the shop. If he mentioned he would pop out later, but didn’t then tell me at the time, because I was busy, I wouldn’t think anything of it. I would find it strange, and probably be annoyed, though, if he just went out without having said anything. (Roaring upstairs 3 times and getting no response doesn’t count!)

He was able to infer from your behaviour that you had the hump and had to repeatedly ask you why you were sulking.

That sounds like passive-agressive behaviour to me. You need to ask yourself why you feel the need to behave this way over something even you acknowledge is petty. Passive-agression is very damaging to relationships and it's not good for your children to witness either.

If you think there is a problem, be open and honest about what it is. If the matter is unimportant (like this one), ignore it. Don't sulk. Don't give him the silent but deadly treatment.

Strange thing to get so het up about.
If either of us are nipping out we’ll shout into the house when at the front door “just going to x” and off we go. Sometimes we hear, other times we don’t. Solved by a quick phone call if one of us can’t find the other.

No it wouldn't annoy me at all, it's you that should be apologising not him. It's something really strange to be annoyed about, and now you want an apology.

I said yanbu. Particularly when the dc are smaller even if we were popping out we would tell the other one so that we knew we were the ones with sole responsibility in that time. Thing like if there’s a fire we know whose in that sort of thing. Now I know people will be like what’s the likelihood of fire breaking out well exactly the same as if you left a child at home and popped to the neighbours which I also wouldn’t have done.

Also it’s really passive aggressive and unpleasant to be “off” but keep telling someone nothings wrong when there is. That would get my back up and I would probably not apologise to someone if they did that to me rather than just spit it out in the first place and say what’s up.

Blimey. Don't you have anything better to worry about. You didn't hear him, he went out. He's irritated you're making a fuss of it

Bit of an OTT response.

it would be rude if he had left for a night out without telling you but popping out to the shops? Not really. Suspect you’re feeling narky from being stuck putting lively kids to bed to help him out but he can mosey out to the shops without having to deal with them!

Popping out for 10 minutes, no that wouldn’t bother me, going for a pint yes.

but in your situation last night, you were working at trying to keep the children quiet so he could work, only to find he wasn’t working. Yes that would bother me

He called out. He called on the phone. He was not going out to the pub for hours just popping out.
YABU!

Well if he had have left without trying to tell you, then yes, if would be a bit rude. But he didn't do that. So...