To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

So true!

I think people are so flakey these days that they just wouldn't turn up if they didn't feel like it.

I think there’s truth in this. I think with the internet and SM people have become a lot lazier. I don’t feel like my friends and family make the effort they used to (including me).

With the digital age we are all content to stay at home scrolling and going out often seems a chore. People can’t be bothered organising big parties to see people they’re not particularly arsed about.

I feel the nation as a whole have become a lot more apathetic.

This

I think you'll find 50 is the new 40.

Women in the UK are having DC later. At 40 I have a 3 YO and a 5 YO, I was knackered. Organising a big party was the last thing on my mind.

Are your kids and your friends kids the same age friends and get on?

I loved it when we had people round for parties with their kids and all the kids kind went off and had a great time together.

but I find now that my dc are older (tweens and teens) it’s awkward for them to be thrown together with kids they don’t know well or even worse kids they were friends with when they were younger at primary but have drifted apart from/fallen out with at secondary.

I think it gets harder as kids get older especially if they are shy.

Its true
And when you do try, no one turns up
I spent a fortune on my 40th birthday party that only a handful of people attended.
I was gutted

I was just complaining about this yesterday! We try to throw a couple of smaller parties each year (family-friendly daytime ones, given we and all our friends have toddlers), but lots of our friends won't host more than 1 or 2 families and I miss the parties!

For us I think it's definitely a phase of life thing. Everyone has young children, so getting a babysitter is hard (and expensive!), so typically either the mums meet up for a dinner or the men meet up for a pub trip - that way each family still has one parent at home looking after the kids. Daytime events work well but once you get to 12-ish toddlers it does feel a bit too chaotic, hence people only inviting a couple of other families.

I was hopeful that we'd all become fun again around the 40 mark when our kids are that little bit older...but now some people are having surprise 3rd children, so they're going right back to the start again! Maybe by the time we're 50 everyone will be up for a boogie again!

Thankfully our families are still big on family lunches/BBQs, so we do still get to attend some events.

I have two left feet so would probably have had an empty dance card but I long for the days of soirees and literary salons with writers, artists and muses and sparkling conversation. Now it's all just liking each other's social media updates and conversations through emojis

I definitely think a large part is down to the disposable income and having children later. But, you can bring it back!

Friends of ours have a Christmas party every year. We have responded by hosting a NYE every year. 4 years on and lots in our circle have parties; there are usually a few in the summer, by people with all different sizes of houses. We all have tweens. I had a big 40th, as did my husband, I went to a big 45th and a big 50th this summer and turned down a big 40something autumn last year. These are all people in the same circle of friends, and we’re all giving each other the idea of big parties (hence the big parties for not big years), basically as we go and realise a) how much fun it is and b) how lots of people will lend a hand. Oh and, we didn’t have a circle of friends to start with; just a couple of sch run friends, but we invited everyone we knew to our NY bash and from there and the other parties, have developed a bit of a circle.

One thing we have found is, parties are incredibly expensive. Our NY bash will be £500 I think, and we don’t do anything special, just booze, some props, food and fireworks. We don’t particularly have that spare, but the kids love it (it was their idea and at their insistence we had the first one!) we buy throughout the year for it, and see it as an investment; from one party we will go to 4 or 5 others (we already have two Christmas party invites), so they get to ours and have a cheap time, and we get to go to theirs and enjoy the cheap time there! It all balances out, but you have to find that lump to start with, which is obviously not possible for everyone.

Oh I've always longed for the 'going dancing' era too, with your dance card getting filled up and everyone knowing proper dances rather than just awkwardly jigging about.

We have a mid summer party and a Christmas party every year, but it's only for extended family. Everybody provides something either to eat or to drink and it's a lovely opportunity for us all to catch up with one another. I wouldn't want to host a party for friends, I'd rather continue meeting up with them every few weeks, for a pub lunch and a natter.

Milestone birthdays and wedding anniversaries are always celebrated with a holiday somewhere glorious.

Yep this is me too

not got the house for big parties anymore.
also don’t have the parking and the glassware or the budget!

10 house parties since Covid is a lot imo. I’ve not been to that many house parties in about the last 40 years since my friends had their 18ths at home

DH had a fancy dress 40th birthday last year, we had 110 people! He absolutely loved it, and so did everyone else. I do think a lot of it is time because it wasn’t expensive.

The only adult birthday party I’ve ever attended was to my sister’s 50th some years ago. It was family only so less than 12 people.

When I was younger and bought women’s magazines that talked about getting ready for ‘The Party Season’ ie Christmas, I used to wonder who were the people that went to all these glittering parties or hosted parties at Christmas?

My parents used to always have big house parties for their birthdays, but they are both born in the summer so (used to!) be guaranteed good weather to spill into the garden etc.
They were (and still are), not bothered about appearances of their house etc and have a good group of friends/family who would always muck in with catering, clearing up, setting up etc so it was always fun.
I think things have changed though, they last did a party for my mum when she was 50 & it was significantly more expensive than the joint one they did for their 40th. (My dad went on a rugby tour for his 50th). For their 60th we did a big dream family holiday, heavily subsidised by my sister & I as their present.
Parties are just so much more expensive now & even though the group of friends and family are still really committed and wouldn't be a risk of flaking; I think the logistics of organising just aren't as easy anymore, so relaxing and enjoying a special holiday is preferable. Also, people used to just camp in the garden, sleep on sofas, blow ups on the floor etc, but everyone is getting older now so actual beds are needed/wanted so the cost to attend becomes more as well.
I personally am quite socially anxious so big parties stress me out, even when its people I know and love. My house is significantly smaller than what my parents were able to afford so its not comfortable for hosting. I feel more need to make my house presentable and stress in the run up. So its not fun for me. Though I do remember loving the atmosphere, music, dancing etc

This happened to someone DH works with. This is why I wouldn't have one. We live in a different culture now.

We have had around 6 parties in the last 4 years, usually at Halloween, also one Christmas, and one other. Only one was child-free. Our house is an average sized 3 bed, so not massive, we have around 25-30 including kids attending. They've been great fun and really helped with cementing friendships (we aren't from the area).
The most faff is cleaning the house. We do quite a bit of food and provide quite a few drinks, but most people bring a bottle too. I love parties, my parents NEVER had any, rarely had people round at all, I like having a welcoming house.

To be honest a lot of DH friends who have turned 40 have been pregnant or recently had babies so not had time/money/energy/childcare to do anything. They did that stuff in their 20s.

That is in stark contrast to my friends who mostly had kids in their teens/20s and are now regularly having house parties/gatherings (to the point it doesn't even feel like a party anymore just another standard gathering at someones house) now that their kids are mid-older teens.

I think I've been to three in the last two years, and invited to two others I couldn't make. Three 60th, two 50th.
My sister had a 60th four years ago. And I also went abroad this year for a mate's 65th party.

My ex had a 40th years ago. Both my niece and nephew had 30ths.

I'll probably host something for my 60th. I didn't do anything for my 50th but I host an annual Christmas drinks each year, though one year it was in Sept with a different theme.

So, among my friends and family, parties are still pretty common.

I drove a three-hour 150-mile round trip recently to celebrate a friend's milestone birthday in the bar of a smart city hotel. I stood around trying to make smalltalk with a couple of his colleagues who didn't seem to know him very well and then got trapped in a corner for a long time by his sister, who is a loud woman with strong racist opinions. I managed to escape her, only to be stuck on a banquette with a silent shy couple who just held hands and kept checking their phones. On the other side was a woman who turned her back to me and talked the person on her other side, very loudly. 18 of us had been invited and the agreement was that we'd all pay a share of the birthday boy's drinks. He was on champagne and expensive scotch all night and got very drunk very quickly because there was no food. I was driving and was on soft drinks. Half the guests melted away before I could escape the banquette, leaving those of us left to settle our host's bill. My three soft drinks and a 9th share of his bill came to £67. What with the petrol and parking costs, a card and gift, it was probably the worst £100 I've ever spent.

Don't think they're as popular as they used to be, or maybe not as raucous so they don't stand out in the brain so much as a 'party'? Just thinking we have a get together at the end of November every year...pretty sure it would have been labelled a party in previous decades but because the music is low, it's more about chat and good food and that sort of thing we call it a 'celebration' or a 'get together' rather than a party.

I know one couple planning a party (renting a place, dj, bar etc) for their 40th, but the majority are either doing something like 'book a big house and have a weekend of walking and playing games, a small dinner, a holiday or just letting it slide by like any other year.

People are so flaky and I think having a big party or an event with multiple friend groups adds to the problem.

If it's a single, small group, there might be a few flakes but you'll usually find most people come. I assume because they know the event can't go ahead if they don't.

But if people know there will be a few different groups, they seem to think "I'm not the main friend group here, I can skip it if I can't be bothered". So you get the majority of people dropping out.

Yes I know what you mean. I am the person to invite others to dinner parties, never asked back! We had a barbecue in the summer which was a lovely get together but nobody will reciprocate, but I enjoy hosting and I cook an amazing lemon cheesecake 😊

Many people are living in smaller homes than their parents did in the 80s/90s/00s despite similar circumstances - because homes are less affordable.

They are more likely to be busy with young children at age 40 whereas their parents had children in their 20s - because children are less affordable.

They are saving their money and their time. Parents in the 80s/90s/00s were more likely to have a mother working part time or not at all. Even though those differences aren't true for all households - fewer people hosting parties in general, reduces the willingness of the few to continue to host less-reciprocated parties.

People are working more to have less so extravagant parties are going to be rarer.

Then there are social/ cultural reasons. People I think are more focused on their children now, more likely to throw an ostentatious children's party than an adult party. And if they want to show off, they don't have to invite people round - they can use social media. Friends may be further away and keep in touch via social media. People are more likely to go out for drinks or a meal as the whole homemaker / chef / hostess with the mostest isn't as fashionable or high status as in the past, and it's a lot of work.