To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

We have parties. Probably one a year. Usually with the neighbours next door. They are laid back home festivals for friends with bands and camping. Post COVID we became a great holiday destination for our adult children's friends. We are lucky in that we have lots of room and not too many neighbours. According to my son I am the person who taught him how to throw great parties!

I'm in a big circle of friends in their late 20s to 50s, and it's really rare for a milestone birthday to go by without a massive party. People book out pubs, campsites or music venues, or throw a house party which inevitably goes on all night. I'm off to one soon which has an entire DJ line-up and about 100 people attending. We all love a party.

We don’t entertain a lot nowadays, but thinking about it further, the last time I threw a dinner party for around eight people, we really enjoyed it, but equally it involved so much trudging about in the rain carrying shopping bags from cheese shops and going to the butcher, and then the supermarket after that, and then buying wine, we were surprised how much prices had gone up, and it took ages to shop, cook and clear up, that we thought that next time we would take everyone out to a restaurant and have less stress ourselves and so we did that for dh’s big birthday and it honestly didn’t cost a lot more!

We have big parties at every opportunity! I find them acutely stressful in the run up, but always love party itself once people start arriving. People can be flakey, but the ones we care about always show up - and sometimes unexpected guests do too. The more the merrier!

I had a proper 21st party. I definitely did not have a 30th as DD1 was 2 months old- we had GPs to babysit and managed to get out for dinner for a couple of hours which seemed quite a feat in itself. I didn't have a 40th but had lots of different drinks and dinners with different groups of friends and family and with other friends' 40ths we just kind of carried it on all year!

We had a party for DH's 50th, just a BBQ with friends and neighbours, it was 2021 and things had only just opened up, and fortunately the weather held and it was pretty well attended. I think people find it easier to come to less formal things like that in the day time.

I know when I meet up with friends now (we are all 48/49 and thinking about our 50ths) we don't tend to do late evenings very well now. We meet up and start with (a cheap) lunch, then go for drinks, then dinner, then go home and are in bed for about 10.30pm.

I had a 21st joint with others, a medium sized 30th house party and did have a 40th party in a venue earlier this year. I was terrified (social anxiety/paranoia/pressure) and it was expensive but, on balance, I'm glad I had it. It's a nice memory to look back on.

I actually relied on people flaking though. I invited 50 people to a venue with a 'suggested' max capacity of 38. 42 accepted and 8 flaked on the day/day before so I was fine. If you factor in the inevitable it kind of works, although I get it's a gamble.

I have been to quite a few '0' birthdays. I don't know many people who do much for other birthdays (some do small gatherings) and I don't normally do anything. Agree with the time, money, social media, older parent reasons, definitely. I don't have children and still found it hard to find the time and money to do it.

I also think people have become ridiculously out of hand these day. These events are either themed, dress code, no kids allowed, ridiculous travel locations and so on.

'Back then' it was at home or a hall, everyone invited, no fussy dietary requirements, and a whole lot less faff.

Yes because back then someone who threw a 40th already had a 10/12 year old and life was MUCH easier. Now someone in their 40s has primary or much younger kids and the very last thing they have capacity for is a big bash. It irks me a bit when people compare 'back then' to now as if life and times haven't moved on.

Back then you grew up in tighter communities, lots of hands to help around and everyone was involved or made an effort with each other. Also life is just much more expensive these days to throw a big party.

On my road people entertained for various things, adult dinner parties or all day things with kids. We were taken home in sleeping bags. And parties for big birthdays or anniversaries. I guess they all had kids younger back then though and so had young person energy left!

My friend had a surprise 40th party about 6 years ago and that was the last I've been to.

I've never thrown a party for anything and can think of nothing worse!

Locally to me, people still do throw parties because I hear them...this is in no way a grump, I just do. I think that places to meet in big groups...bars and so on are a comparatively new concept. Certainly not so much of a thing in the 90's and backwards. not to get all political and feminist but i remember organising parties and dinner parties and it was bloody hard work and fell to the women.

TBH this is the number one reason why I hate Christmas. That constant bombardment of adverts when you turn the TV on which try and convince you EVERYONE IS INVITED TO PARTIES. EVERYONE. YOU SHOULD BE TOO. WHY AREN'T YOU?

Good point @powershowerforanhour about roasts! you've actually inspired me to make sure we host at least a couple this winter - thank you!

My grandparents used to go to dances. All the time at least once a week,and then grandad was in the local pub on his way home most nights for a quick pint

community was different

My parents met ballroom dancing in very early 70s both went along with group of other friends - IL said they used to do similar regularly - it was part of how the spent time together. I think it was last gasp of popularity though.

I was going to suggest it was family being more scattered but then thought about DGP 50 and 60 wedding anniversaries and family were scattered but did make long drives and stopped over with other family. My Dad's funeral cousin and siblings who even 5 years before said would have traveled to didn't ill health, age and cost cited - they watched online. Generation before they'd have all been there will help from younger family or been confident in train system.

There are pockets of more socialisation but I think generally societies more isolation.

We often have a big party in summer - maybe 40ish plus people. Dad and dh shared a birthday so we'd put up the party tent and have lunch or afternoon tea for dad and his friends then move on to a barbecue later on - older bunch would usually leave about 5ish. It was hard work but some lovely times. Dad died a couple of years ago but the parties still go on. Dd usually invites a few of her friends now and they decamp to the bottom of the garden later on. We stick up a badminton net, dust off the boules. I have a party cupboard with about 60 plates/various glasses/cutlery etc which have been used by family/friends.

We're lucky that we live in the countryside so no-one to upset with noise (neighbours older and younger are all lovely and definitely up for a party) or barbecues and a fairly big garden.

@FloatyBoaty could always be a pot luck/byob type affair. That's what we tend to do. We're generally the hosts, but either we provide 1 type of booze (i.e. mulled wine) and a non alcoholic alternative, and 1 type of food (i.e. cheese) then have a list of what else needs bringing, or do a 'pot luck' which is bring whatever you like.

Still not sure I'd call it a party though, to me parties have loud music and probably a dance floor. I feel like those type of house parties ended in my 20's!

I've just been invited to a 60th birthday party

albeit it is the first party I've been invited to in ages

I think it’s just so fucking expensive now, as to make it unfeasible for many.

"Also Sunday roasts - neither of our parents have done a Sunday roast for the family post Covid and they used to be a regular thing. We do them but it’s not the same as going to your Mum and Dads!"

That's a good point. My parents or one of the aunties+uncles would have granny around every Sunday, plus sometimes one of the auntie+uncles. So the kitchen and living room were never too far away from reasonably tidy, and they had confidence in their cooking and hosting generally. Then it was less of a step up to having a buffet dinner or New Year's Eve party with all the aunties and uncles and cousins- there were more of them then as bigger familes, plus a couple of adult cousins who lived nearby and a couple of trusty guests from the local badminton club or one or two old workmate friends with their spouses. So there was a solid core of adult couples to invite who would come- the badminton-type or work couples would vary depending on which auntie was hosting, but everyone knew each other a bit from the previous parties and reciprocal parties, and the town was smaller then with a smaller and more fixed population of people in it, so there were only a couple of degrees of separation between most of the invitees, with a sprinkling of "adult cousin's new girlfriend from England" or "the relations staying from America" for interest.

I agree with other posters - too many flakes. My almost 4yo is adamant he wants a big party this year, I'm DREADING no-one turning up 😬

Also lots of people seem to not eat, smoke or drink. Much healthier, but takes the joy out of a big party. Also lots more social anxiety / people being worried about not being PC. Again, not good or bad overall, but not conducive to having a blow out with lots of people.

Cost of food and alcohol is a lot higher, compared with wages too.

Held a really nice one (lunchtime) that combined several birthdays for older family members, and further milestones, and hired the place and the catering. I would think that there may be no further 'big' birthday ages, or if there are, probably not in the swing for a party to mark them, for some of the people on the collection of celebrations, so this was something that pushed me to do it now.
I think those who came enjoyed themselves, but this was mainly family (quite a huge group) and I was a bit sad that very few friends of any celebrators came although I hoped that they would. I did have between 10 and 20 people who accepted but then had to withdraw closer to the time. It's really hard to predict the appropriate budget and space for your plans at the point before you invite anyone.
I also think that costs and travel logistics and possibly accommodation are things that deter people - maybe always true, but not something you can solve for people in many cases.

Real mix - 16 to 5. Some with neurodiversity. Some get on, some don’t. Lots of different schools. Some sit on their phones - our kids want them confiscating when they come to our parties!!! We try to ensure our kids have a specific friend invited at ours, at other parties they make do, or chat to the adults. We do a few kid games to warm them up a bit, but also have a movie going in another room for those who need to flake, or need to calm down. Generally they are OK. If I find a kid who looks awkward I will usually give them a job which they enjoy, like sorting some mocktails, finding more crisps. Takes the edge off for them.

Also the last large party I had (for teen dd), the house got pretty trashed despite me trying to cordon off everywhere except the kitchen, garden and downstairs loo so I’m in no hurry to repeat that!