To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

I think it's maybe something to do with 40ths per se - kids maybe still quite young,lots of guests needing to organise babysitters etc. I did trip to Rome for my 40th but boy did I make up for it for my 50th - party,DJ , the works. We noticed in our friends too a lot more 50th parties than there were 40ths. Looking forward (but not too fast...) to the next "zero" as it'll probably be the last where one can still get away with a DJ! And anyway if you want one,lead by example, throw a really good one,and you may well inspire a few more!

Can’t be arsed basically. Can’t stand hosting. It’s the pre house clean, then it’s sorting food, drinks, what to wear, letting everyone know, trying to get anyone to have your kids because grandparents mostly won’t… afterwards your house is a shithole and you have to clean again, iron clothes and sort out pack ups for work and school the next day with a football or rugby match thrown in for added excitement. We go on family days out or weekends away. On our own agenda knowing that none of us could bail at the last minute either. Too busy and tired for all that. I’m at that age (44) where getting an invite to one makes me nervous. Haven’t got time for any of the hassle that goes with and we struggle like heck to get someone to have our kids for an hour let alone overnight. I’m glad I got it all out of my system before I got married and had kids. Had a banging twenties.

Sad really

I had a big party for my 30th and 40th but hardly anyone does it

To be fair a lot of the no shows were people that would have had to travel. That said I think sometimes you can adjust your expectations for people that live further away and still be disappointed at their lack of effort.

As others have said I think it's a whole gamut of factors- lack of local friends and family in some cases- lack of space, money, people being flakey and only a handful turn up and you've catered for 30 , lack of close people to babysit , not wanting people crashing at your house if you have kids- the world has kind of changed

Having recently turned 40 and knowing lots of people who have also done so this year my perception has been that it is the ones who a) don't have kids or b) have family nearby to care for kids who have had parties. Also a lot more of people having a holiday for their 'big birthday' over a party (this was what I did).

We don't live near family and I can't imagine them all travelling from three or four hours away for a birthday party, particularly those with young DCs. Cost is a barrier. DH and I have jobs that aren't based locally so no network of local colleagues. Things are definitely much more fragmented. And also more tame? I went to a friend's 40th birthday meal a couple of years back. All similar aged mums. It was very much a case of 'one course, one drink and heading off by 9pm to relieve the babysitter/because Grandma had called and said that one of the DCs wasn't settling' etc.

Having one v soon for landmark birthday ! Nervous but also excited! Good old fashioned house party arrive chat drink and dance!

This is making me want to throw a party now. Not at my house, it's too small and I couldn't cope with the mess. But maybe hire a hall and disco with a buffet? Just need an excuse for it.

@Pluvia I know ! Even at 62 I could fancy an old school party if anyone had them

We used to have a big Halloween party each year, but knocked that on the head a couple of years ago. We had a few objections and sounds of disappointment, but were then surprised to see a few of these people then held their own Halloween gatherings, but ‘forgot’ to invite us! We now have a couple of days away in October that costs the same as the party, without days of decorating and clearing up afterwards.

YA so NBU!
But reading MN threads I can see that so many people are just incredibly uptight and anti social!
It’s so sad. And it’s not about smaller houses. My family and family friends always had parties in bog standard council houses - at Xmas etc.
I am going to have a big Xmas party this year I think. I’ve had a shit year and I want to celebrate and do something sociable and fun. Bring back the party!

Everyone wants a kingsize bed and an en suite these days, don't they? I went to a party held in a huge rental house this summer. There were four en-suite rooms and two rooms on the top floor that shared a bathroom on that floor, and another bathroom downstairs. It was a lucky dip for who got which room and the people who had perfectly nice rooms but had to cross the landing or go down the stairs for the bathroom did nothing but whinge all weekend. Gone are the says of going to a party, having a few drinks, talking and dancing till the small hours and then kipping on a sofa.

I think drinking has fallen out of fashion and being drunk in charge of DC even more so. People are less keen to leave a local 12yo in charge of the DC. I am 48 and am quietly horrified by my parents' generation's drinking habits both now and then.

I miss house parties. When I was wee they happened fairly frequently throughout the year, both friends and family parties. It felt so exciting and glamorous even though I know now that a lot.of it was mostly hairspray, Phileas Fogg mini garlic bread crisps and a hefty amount of cinzano and cans of tennants.

After we had our first DC, I tried a few times to throw parties pre-christmas parties and despite having a lot.of notice, most people didn't turn up. We had a good christening bash but otherwise people seem now to prioritise going to events (eg Christmas villages and enchanted woodland light shows) over going to a friend or a neighbour to get boozed up.

I miss it. We need to finish redecorating the house and then I'll try again for a party.

We did have a really good hogmanay house party at a friend's last year though, so hope is not entirely lost...

I'm going to be 40 with a 1 year old a toddler and another small human.

...my 60th will be epic though 😂

I'm only used to parties where I at least know a few people, so I'm sure of having someone to talk to. I guess a few drinks in I'll talk to anyone

Why's that a problem? I only ever expect to know the host or if I'm an invited plus one, the person I go with. That seems totally normal to me to not know other people.

If I could afford to go, I'd love it!

This!

I have loads of good friends but people are so flakey nowadays. I could guarantee seven cancellations and ten no shows. It puts me off bothering

Funnily enough, we just got invited today to go to a big party at the end of the month. A whole weekend at a massive cabin at a ski centre (not staying in the cabin, we booked our own cabin). Only problem is, I do not know a single person who will be there! And I think my bloke only knows the guy whose birthday it is, who invited us. But the lure of a 'proper' big party is making me ignore that minor detail.

Yes this is definitely true. I grew up in London and still live here but majority of my friends have moved out now. Everyone also has uni friends scattered round the country so yes, getting together is often a logistical nightmare.

DH is a winter baby here but grew up in South Africa. I think he's still sad we couldn't make a big party for his 50th work. Our house is just too small. POSSIBLY in the summer we could have done it, but not in the winter.

Also, definitely that things are more expensive. For my 40th we threw a fairly big bash albeit at a local restaurant as we had 40 people and just couldn't do that at home. But it cost a lot. We just don't have that money anymore. And a lot of people I know are in a similar boat - their costs have gone up significantly but their income hasn't.

One thing though that is interesting, we have friends who used to host an annual summer party every year. Super fun and everyone brought drinks but they'd always lay on food etc and it would go on into the night with dancing. It was always a bit of a "BIG" night, which was expected, so fine. Obvouisly over Covid they didn't do it and then they had a much smaller one as things got bigger. But their first party post Covid they were absolutely horrified. Same general gang (although there were always a few randoms who were brought along by other people which was part of the fun) but the next day their house was TRASHED. DH had stayed over as I had to get back for the kids and he landed up spending 2 hours helping them clean up vomit and who knows what else. They thought maybe it was just a Covid hangover so they risked the party the following year, but tried to keep it a bit more low key. Apparently they got quite a lot of push back when they said no, you can't bring 10 extra people... and even though it was smaller, the house was STILL trashed.

They don't do it anymore. They threw a version of one this year, but it was much smaller, fairly select guest list etc. They told me they just couldn't face how people they thought were their friends could behave so badly.

I think part of the issue is that it's much less common to have friends and family and even work colleagues all living in same area- so it's not just a 'nip round to Samantha's etc' it's often driving, one person not drinking, overnight stays ( and older adults are less likely to just let a load of people crash overnight) -

The same!

Not RTFT, but we are a big party house. We have one, possibly two parties per year, plus a Christmas drinks thing, often a new year party, and various 'get togethers' through the year. We also have lots of friends that like to host so it's not always us doing the honours.

We've always been like this and had parties for our 30ths, 40ths and now we are approaching 50ths we'll do the same.

Obv Covid put the brakes on much of this, and we also moved house and have been having lots of building work done, so that's limited our ability to host, but we've already got stuff in the diary for when the builders are gone. We just enjoy it! And with our core group, we all chip in with food and drink contributions so that helps.

I think it maybe for us is related to the fact that we finished uni and then have never lived near our families, so our friends are our network. And that's evolved over time so now more of those people are people we know through our kids and live on our doorstep. But still also see longstanding friends and often they are all at our parties? I suppose you gravitate to the people who are like you? We just like socialising!

My mum on the other hand, cannot think of anything worse. Not sure where I get it from! 🤣

I did a dinner party (with private chef) and made a weekend of it (for 10/12) people. Much more my style than a large party. I enjoyed it more, could spend more time with people that are really close to me - so much better than a big party!

DP definitely didn't want a party; not even in the above style - so we just went out to dinner.